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Playdate personality clash
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watdouthink · 22/09/2022 14:00

Hello,

So I have a 20 month old son who has met another toddler a couple months younger on a couple of occasions for play dates now over the last few months.

The other toddler is also a boy, same age, but has a bigger personality than my son. He is louder and more confident. My son seems scared of him and cries around him. The other child has actually pushed my son over a couple of times.

My son isn't usually abnormally reserved and usually plays nicely and is a cheeky happy boy, but around this other boy he is not himself. He just cried, screamed and clinged to me the entire time. If the boy came near him he was very scared.

I must add the other boy is a lovely child just louder and very energetic. He had been trying to play with my son etc and I think it was frustrating for him that my son just was crying and not playing that led him to push him. His mother stopped that behaviour immediately when she saw it and apologised.

I don't know whether to keep with the play dates or to cut them for now until my son is older and happier around him? Or to keep them as my son needs to know there are different personalities out there and maybe in time he will get used to it?

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TriedAndBested · 22/09/2022 20:58

I think at 20 months they are a bit young. They might play next to each other but are unlikely to play with each other so there is nothing abnormal about your son. If the other boy pushes him I can understand that he doesn't feel happy or safe with him

If you want to continue with the play dates maybe you could go together to the park, playground, soft play or baby groups. There the other boy will find other entertainment so won't get frustrated and won't be in your son's face. And once in a while they might end up doing something together or you could have a picnic lunch or something after they have played independently so they can get used to each other without actually having to play with each other

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Popaholic · 22/09/2022 21:01

If you like the mum and want to see her, persevere... perhaps try a play date in a playground where they can run in different directions some/all of the time.

If you aren't fussed about the mum friendship then leave it a month or two then maybe try again.

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LSSG · 23/09/2022 12:28

I would definitely leave the play dates for now - he is so young, and has clearly demonstrated on more than one occasion now that he's not comfortable.

As others have said, if you like the mum either see her separately or try something more structured or with less focus on your ds.

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Endlesslaundry123 · 23/09/2022 15:59

I wouldn't force my child to regularly interact with someone they're afraid of... Try to build his confidence through positive experiences rather than wear him down by putting him in uncomfortable situations (especially at such a young age). My daughter has had a lot of playdates and we focus on spending time with pals she enjoys playing with.

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watdouthink · 23/09/2022 18:18

Thanks everyone....my first thought was to stop...but then the other mum suggested they should continue and that it could make my son almost antisocial the way she phrased it!

Perhaps she's lost other friends over it and was keen to keep hold!!

Should trust my instincts for sure, thank you!

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