What is the fucking point? Everything is a battle

[caggie3]

Everything is a battle and I can't be bloody bothered!! He took himself off to the toilet for a poo, cried that it went on his leg, went in to try and clean him up - he starts screaming, running away, hiding just refusing. Runs into different rooms gets poo on the walls and floors tries to sit on sofa nearly gets it on there too. 20 minutes on screaming and hiding and getting poo everywhere for what bloody reason?!?!

It's always a battle, everything. Getting him dressed in the morning, getting him into the car, getting him out of the car, getting him to nursery, getting him to sit at the table. I literally cannot be bothered for everything to be a battle. I am so bored of it and it's making me dread spending any time with him. It's just not enjoyable being around him at the moment because it's just a matter of time until the next stand off

Argh!!! Tell me it gets better!!

How old? My dd will be 3 in Dec and and recently went through an horrific couple of weeks of tantrums and battles. Come out the other side and she's grown up overnight and is much more reasonable. Almost like a growth spurt was causing all of the toddler angst. God speed while you're in the thick of it though, it sucks.

Depends. If he's 3, it gets better.

If he's 16, you're fucked.

Sorry yes he turned 3 in August so he is only little but omg it's just absolutely relentless all of a sudden. He's always had tantrums but just absolutely everything has become a battle and I'm just constantly trying to negotiate it with him, getting ignored and having to do it anyway whilst he screams and flails and kicks off!

I feel this way today and my youngest is 11. He's being a nightmare and I'm so tired.

Don't (always) negotiate with a 3 year old.

...and always fight the battle now l, because come 12 or 13 they will know how to fight better than you.

It gets easier.

😂brilliant

Sorry, this made me laugh!
Assuming a toddler, it will pass. Give as much autonomy as is safe. Let him try and fail and encourage him to keep trying.
Some kids absolutely fight for independence early. I'd say give as much as you can. Pick your battles.
Plus bribery. I know this isn't popular but getting a child in the car with a box of raisins (or buttons) is fine by me.
Clothing? Let him wear what he wants. Refuses to wear a coat? Just take one with you.

Just an observation but is it runny poo? Could he have tummy ache? Has he been constipated? If this behaviour is recent and linked to bowel issues he could be in pain.
If not, then just ignore me.
Could he be overtired?
Sickening for something? I understand hand foot and mouth is rife at the moment.
In any event it is exhausting.

OP always give 2 options - it diffuses a situation and makes them feel they have some control.

‘shall I clean up or do you want to?’
’this outfit, or that outfit?’
‘do you want this cup for the car or that cup?’ (The car is then a non negotiable)

Sorry if this is not useful just wanted to share what helped me and also say it’s ok, it’ll get better. Also pick your battles - if he wants to eat on the floor then 🤷‍♀️ He won’t be doing it if everyone else sits at the table and ignores him. Not popular but the super nanny naughty step method worked every time here.

If I had 45 minutes, nothing else to do, and infinite patience I found I could generally win the battle with no casualties. However I didn't have all that every time I needed to get a freaking foot into a freaking sock. It's fucking brutal.

Every win, no matter how small and didn't matter how I got it, I gave myself what I called a parenting high five. Sure as hell no one appreciated it or understood.

DSs key person at nursery once told me, "he is the most stubborn child I have ever met." I nearly wept in gratitude!! Finally! Someone recognised my daily battle!!

He's 11 now. He is the life and soul. He is brilliant fun. He is the centre of every party. He is sensitive, to a fault really, but very kind, mature and loving. In short, I wouldn't swap him or change him in any way. He is a beautiful, complex, strong willed, force of nature. He is also now very well behaved, polite and far, far easier to get socks on!!! It is ALL worth it, hand on heart. Parenting high five to you. X

It gets better when they are old enough to understand other people are people just like them iyswim.

My son was a bit like this. Still occasionally is at 7. I ask him what his ideal outcome is then talk through how that would work, trying to subtly point out how unworkable it is:

this morning I pointed out we'd need magic to shrink him into his old clothes, or I could pop him in the washing machine on a boil wash to see if that would help, yesterday we needed to build a time machine, the other day he needed a bigger bath for a full sized warship plus a job to pay for it....

All ended with laughing or at least smiling, and an agreement that we'd do it the boring way until we worked out how to make that happen. It is worse when it involves something disgusting though.

3 is the absolute worst. 4 is better. 5 is ace. (In my admittedly limited experience) So yeah hang in there.

Just take a deep breath and think about why you married him x

Only kidding obv. 3 was the worst age with my dc1...

Yes I agree, a couple of options seems to placate my toddlers / young primary kids.

It does make them feel a bit more empowered id agree.

If you have a bathroom lock, use it. Or put a simple latch up high where he can’t reach. When he’s on the loo, let him pooh in privacy and when he’s done go in and lock the door.
If he wants to scream on the floor then let him.

“I can wipe your bum now and we can go and get a juice / snack / watch tv, or you can lie on the floor and mummy will go and get a juice on her own”

Also, agree massively with PP that picking your battles is essential. Don’t want to put your shoes on now; fine I’ll take them and put them on you when you’re strapped into car seat.
Dont want to brush your teeth, ok “I was going to get you some sweeties after school today but you can’t have them when you haven’t brushed your teeth”

I am not afraid to use bribery, incitement, threats about Santa watching them or any other method in the moment.

when everything is calm and we’re maybe having a cuddle in bed I will talk to them about why they should brush their teeth or listen to mummy in the park, eat their dinner at the table etc. But in the moment I often just focus on de escalating the meltdowns.

it is hard but it does get better, or changes at least. Different challenges!

DS was exactly like this when he was 2 to 3 and it was sheer hell. I once lost it and smacked him hard on his leg. Afterwards i made myself get away from the situation and ran from the room and he followed me and I said sorry over and over whilst hugging him tight. I never lost it again thank god but the guilt stays with me. Toddlers can't put into words how they're feeling and that's how tantrums happen. They dont understand why they are behaving that way. Emotional Intelligence and reasoning takes years to develop.
Good luck op. You will get there.