Hi All
im aware this question has probably been asked a million times before but just wanted some direct advice if someone can help me out.
I am trying to be fair in the situation im in which is as follows:
me and ex split approx 18m ago, there has been a history of DA and DV and therefore since the last drama back a year ago and me calling the police he will not speak to me. unfortunately this has then lead to him being difficult when it comes to the kids. we have 2 children dd7 and ds10 we set up a parenting plan via solicitors back last year for basics which was as follows:
Friday collection from school - Sunday evening 6.30pm.
Wednesday 2 out of 3 weeks for tea - 3.15 -6.30pm.
I initially asked for every week he have them for tea on the Wednesday but he wont change his work shifts around etc so I worked with it but even though that means some weeks he only has the children 3 hours out of 10 days. my youngest has expressed that she feels like she doesnt get enough time with her dad.
I asked him to change the 6.30pm - 7pm through the summer and if he wanted moving forward as when we first agreed the children were struggling with the transition which now theyve gotten used to and have expressed they feel like theyre rushing around - he does a 40 minute commute each way within that time with them. so in essence quality time is quite restricted. He then declined the 7pm saying he had other commitments and therefore it carried on till 6.30pm (continually late) until i just said enough is enough and drop them back at 7pm if its always late which he has now opted to do.
we had issues where he didnt have them over the holidays at all so I negotiated that he could have them for half the holidays etc as to which he's kicked off and said he doesnt have enough time off to take etc as he works but so do I. the children can stand sort of 4 nights away from home but then the issues arised in the summer school holidays as we tried to do week on week off but by day 5 I had the children calling crying saying they wanted to come home and him messaging me. I tried to reason with him saying maybe we break it down a little like 5 days one week and he has them the following 2 to his weekend etc but hes accused me of being difficult when all im trying to do is actually just keep the kids happy, then becasue he isnt having them during the time and his mum is taking care of the children they have both then said they dont wish to go when their dad isnt there which to be honest makes it hard for me, i also work and then have to rearrange stuff and the ex makes it out to be me when hes heard it from the kids himself.
I have since had a 2 year itenerary of times and dates (some completely unrealistic) like he has all of xmas and all of easter every year etc as it falls on his weekends etc for god knows how long via his solicitor. I have begged him to go back to mediation as ive also had the threat of court too now and considering ive never changed his arrangements at the weekends and hes always had access to them (ive even said he can pick them up in the week etc and he never has as it apparently gives me time to do as i like) thats what i come up against.
i would like to offer him to have them till the monday morning back at school drop off and overnight on a wednesday every other week to be dropped back at school so in essence more but I highly doubt he will want this due to his work schedule. i keep reading the courts wont give him more if he doesnt want it and im just feeling like its really unfair when i also work, ill be moving out of where we live too as iv agreed to sell up which means all my support network (friends) will now nt be able to help me out near the school etc and with no family in nearby areas it makes it difficult.
we are now going back to mediation as we have done before but contact arrangements were never bought up in this (prior to school hols) and his only topic was that the children would be meeting his girlfriend and almost wanting my approval as to which i dont due to the fact he and she left my children on a playpark in the middle of a well known seaside place and doing this only a week after knowing my ex (ultimately - he took his kids on a date to the beach).
im concerned that if he gets it consented cafcass will get involved also as my children have witnessed the DV to which theyve had counselling via school and via a support agency and also with things like the above and other gripes iv tried to mention to him that he doesnt take on board but will open a can of worms i really cant be dealing with myself as with work/divorce/kids etc its just overload. i feel so torn between a rock and a hard place. he isnt a danger to the kids but lacks common sense with certain things which i try to reason with him and to coparent and he just wont. it has been a little better since downloading a coparenting app but its been hard work.
he has moved on and ive got absolutely no animosity about that whatsoever, the breakup has been messy and tough but after 18m I am also happy and just want to move on with my life, the constant court threats are tiring.
basically after all that waffle (and if your still reading this) - can you avdise what childcare arranegments you have in place for the whole year, every other weekend. week and then holidays etc. i want to be fair but i also work and want the children to spend time with their dad too. they are always my priority and sometimes i feel i may overprotect a little but im a good mum and due to our situation he hasnt spent much time in their lives prior to this and therefore its always been me thats their main carer and its just instinct for me.
if anyone can please advise id be much appreciative.