10year old sleep problems

[WelshRich]

Hi. TIA.

We have a 10 year old boy who will not go to sleep. We get him ready so he is prepared for bedtime at 9ish. However, for up to the next two hours he comes out of his bedroom, using any excuse to stop him having to go to sleep. This happens even if everyone else is in bed. In mainly futile attempts we will give him hot chocolate, hot water bottles. As a condition of this we tell him if we give them to him he must go to sleep, which he agrees to. Then, it's the same old problem. This results in considerable stress (I can still hear h banging in protest at me getting cross with him).

We also have problems with him in the morning getting up, when he makes everyone late. This is driving everyone round the bend and I would be grateful if any advice. Thanks again

What’s the pre-bedtime routine like? As in, what happens up to 9pm?

And has he always struggled to go to sleep at night, or is this a new thing? If it’s new, is there anything else going on or any changes recently?

I'd try making bedtime at 9pm the final cut off for when requests will be actioned so do the hot choc / water bottles / last hug etc from 8.30 but 9pm it's a grey rock 'no it's bedtime'. Make sure he has a good window of attention and engagement before the 9pm cut off.

He might get bored / realise he won't get any interaction.

Also look at why this is. Is he scared in his own? Does he need some sensory stuff to help him sleep? DS has a white noise type projector that fills his room with bubble noises and the ceiling and walls with ripples - it's very relaxing. Does he have too much / too late screentime? Any physical stimulants eg coke / chocolate / sweets / sugary snacks close to bedtime?

Is he anxious about anything?

Has he given any reason? My nearly 10 year old has been having nightmares recently and it’s made her scared to go to sleep. Just wondering if there could be something like that.

My 10yo goes to bed at 8-8.30 and we try to have her asleep by 9pm

She listens to tv box sets on her phone. Just in a low volume but it's enough to distract her from the "I can't sleep" nonsense that we were having before.

She has a cool night light too

Hi. Thanks for your responses.

The bed time routine could be a bit better, so think it would be advisable to set alarms etc which indicate he has to perform certain actions by certain times.
This isn't a new thing. We are not perfect with regards to sweets, coke etc, but these are treats and not something that we give him everyday, so that wouldn't account for it. Of course, there is screen time, but this usually stops around 7 and we will play with him and give him a lot of attention. Often I will help him with history projects or spend time watching films etc. My strong feeling is that it's an attention thing.

I should add that he has asked for a phone, but we wouldn't let him.

It's about finding a consistent, non-negotiable routine for him and not engaging with him I think.

Does anyone have any links to night time gadgets?

It's about finding a consistent, non-negotiable routine for him and not engaging with him I think.

Just a thought, but you could look at it another way. What is driving the ‘attention-seeeking’ at bedtime? Have you asked him what’s going on for him when he is resisting bedtime? Is there something he needs that he’s not getting? It might be as simple as sitting with him for a few minutes or something like that? You could also explain your needs to him, if you haven’t already. Eg that you need grown-up time from 8pm and while you can’t force him to fall asleep you do need and expect him to stay in his room and not disturb the rest of you.

I’ve just had a big breakthrough with my 9.5 yo’s behaviour by approaching it from this angle…