Do I stop access?

[tiredmummy98]

Hi, I am completely against mothers coming inbetween a father and child.

But I'm starting to feel at my wits end about the situation with my DS and his dad.
He's only 13 weeks old, his dad has NEVER gotten up with him during the night, won't have him over night in general he only wants to turn up whenever he feels like it and see him for an hour.

He's very manipulative, he constantly threatens me and tries to control me and just isn't nice to me in general he's more focused on what i do with my life rather than ask how my son is most of the time.
There has been DV in the past that's why we aren't together.

when I try and ask him to arrange set days all he gives is excuses like he's to busy in work to talk about it, his van is to dangerous to be in right now, he's got the flu and doesn't want the baby to catch it... But then I catch him out and find out he's actually had his step daughter (Not biologically his, she's from a previous relationship) during the times I ask him to have the baby after he's given me constant excuses why he can't have him.

I want to protect my son while he's still a baby because as he gets older I don't want him to get hurt by his father.
but I don't want to do the wrong thing.
I don't know what to do because if I stop contact between my son and him, I won't be safe and I know he will come looking for me.

Thanks

I forgot to add he does NOTHING for him. Doesn't change his nappy, doesn't give him a bottle. Just sees him holds him for a bit then gives him back to me.

Send a letter saying you can see x at between 2-4 on Wednesdays or whatever and please do not contact me in between

make sure someone is with you

that’s it really hold strong
boundaries
boundaries
boundaries

2 hours a week is plenty

Could you seek mediation and request that introduce the use of a parenting app? You could be entitled to legal aid and some free mediation sessions. Using the app, you will have a record of all messages, dates that have been set and agreed to, etc. If you end up in court, it will show that you made many attempts for him to have a relationship.

I would think about what you want, but wouldn't cut him off. I would get a mediator to send a request to him to which he will have 2 weeks to respond to. If not, you could take him to court for sole custody. The mediation process scared the shit out of my ex and gave him a well needed kick up the backside.

It's hard but I stopped fighting for him to be the father he will never be. I resigned myself that he was useless and I was on my own. It was very painful for the first few years but it gets easier. He's now much more interested as they're older and can do 'fun things'. He has sorted himself out quite a bit with a serious job, he also quit smoking weed. I still have to do everything by myself. Teach them to swim, ride bikes, all life admin, medical etc. organise schooling, homework, etc. and he spends time with them doing fun activities and just being a selfish pillock.

He still tries to control when he gets the chance through money mainly now but I still feel I have always had the best part of the deal and ultimately my children have a relationship with their biological father that isn't harming them in any way and they're not exposed to conflict.

Do you want him to have him overnight? I would say that’s unusual at this age and most mums don’t want their exes having overnights at such a young age? When you say he’s never got up in the night for him does that mean he is staying at yours? At the moment contact should be during the day anyway little and often