My son crying for mommy is upsetting my husband

[JKDcot]

We have a 2 year old son and both my husband and I are very dedicated loving equal parents. My son when he’s upset just cries constantly for mummy. My husband can’t do anything to console him.

i can tell it’s really upsetting him and he feels he puts so much in but isn’t enough. Any advice

It happens, my first used to want daddy not mummy when he was that age. My second wanted me not daddy. It is upsetting but might help if your partner realises how common it is, and it will change as he gets older.

They just go through phases.

Exact same situation here with our 2yo. It is upsetting, but it should pass. We are scheduling more regular 1-1 time for 2yo with DH (as I stay at home now so am always around these days), to see if it helps.

I think perhaps it's very normal and healthy for children to have one parent who is their primary attachment figure, and even when both are loving and equal parents there's a pretty strong bias towards that being the one who carried them for 9 months? (And did most of the early months, too, in the vast majority of cases?)
And therefore it's normal and fine that this is the person they sob for?

I'm sorry, I hope that doesn't sound completely callous. I'm sure it is hard for your DP. But my suspicion (having a fair bit of experience being on the receiving end of "Mummy I hate you" etc) is that he needs to learn to cope with that, rather than that the child needs to learn to be more egalitarian in his distress.

Anecdotally it does seem to be a phase which passes, and I've known many families who went on to 'swap' and have daddy be the irreplaceable beloved one for a time...

The child is 2 - it’s not personal, and it’s not a rejection - it’s what an emotionally driven small child wants in that moment. Your DH has got a whole lifetime to have his moments with his son. He needs to be the rational adult in the situation and see what is best for the child. It’s consistency and love that matters, not whose name they’re calling in a whiny tired moment.

It’s just a phase, my DS favours DH generally although he’s 3 and it’s not really an issue now.
The key is to not step in or take over - ensure you continue to take turns / parent equally. For example, I remember when DS was 2.5 and we had a really awful phase where he just wanted DH at bedtime, so on my nights DH would just go downstairs out of the way and I would repeat ‘I understand you’re upset because you want daddy but it’s mammy’s turn tonight, and daddy’s turn again tomorrow, now which books would you like?’ And just stay calm. It was brutal but passed in about a week, literally just stopped, once he realised I presume that he wasn’t going to get what he wanted.

It’ll get better, just don’t make a rod for your own back, and DH shouldn’t take it personally, they’re just tiny humans.