Advice required......

[Wonderwomannot]

A relation of mine had her 1st child in Summer.

Since the birth of dc, relations with family are fraught having given initial instructions to family members to stay away whilst she bonded with dc. All offers of assistance with general housework / chores were met with opposition until very recently. Generally the situation was quite dire with much distress being caused to g/p who were very excited by 1st g/c.

The new mum is now accepting a little help with household chores.

Many years ago the new mum had a history of bullimia which is now acknowledged, although it was hotly denied at the time.

I am concerned that the new mum has not managed to shift the weight as quickly as those darn celebrities and is now showing signs of returning to bad habits. This, I suspect is causing problems with breast feeding, which in turn is being blamed on family members who have not provided the right level of support, although all offers were declined.

Can anyone please offer any advice?

does she have a DH/DP? If so can you talk to him to ask how she is doing?

I have nothing of use to say, sorry but wanted to bump for you.

Yes she has a dp, who is lovely and they are very close.

However, I suspect he would repeat details of any concerns raised and the ramifications of this.

Anyone???

Tell her you know someone else describe a similar situation but not too similar IySWIM and she may open up??

Tell her how well she's doing and fantastic she looks despite new baby etc may encourage her to open up perhaps?

Unfortunately I suffered a m/c last year and used the same tactics repeating what she had said following my m/c, making out that the comments had come from another friend. She thought the comments were shocking and can not believe I hadn't punched said friend. I have never received an apology and am still very hurt by her comments.

So things are not brilliant at the moment and having recently suffered a 2nd m/c, things are not great between us.

I have tried to tell her how well she is doing, she agrees and says this is despite the lack of support and then goes into rant.... which frankly I find very irratating considering the amount of support rejected.

bump

Have you tried being honest and straight with her?

I found out the hard way that honesty really is the best policy. If she's hurt you ...tell her, if she isn't getting the help she thinks she needs because she's rejected all offers ... tell her. It doesn't have to be done in a confrontational way but believe me it will build up trust between you if she knows she will always get an honest opinion from you

Peebe, I would love to be honest with her but afraid of the consequences and what would come out.

I remember an angry, violent, aggressive teenager and whilst I acknowledge that with age she has mellowed, I am not entirely sure what the reaction would be.