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Original poster

Pros and cons of 2nd child.

7 replies

Sillyholiday · 18/09/2022 08:13

Hello need some advice. I've got a nearly 5 year old. Have been separated since he was 1.5 and with new partner for 1.5 years. I'm an overthinker so bear with me.

Pros
My child isn't alone (I know I know)
Our family is so smal I would like him to have a close relative.

Cons
I had a placental abruption and it could happen again
If dp and I split I'd be a single mum to 2 and I couldn't do it
It's alot of work but wonderful at the same time.

I'm 36 and have pcos so I need to start thinking about it really

OP posts:
theculture · 18/09/2022 08:20

I suppose a big question is how your new partner and your 5year old get on?

Does he do active parenting? Will he expect or want to treat his DC differently?
If your 5/6 year old displays some typical sibling jealousy to the new baby how will his step dad handle it?

Any benefits from a sibling will be far outweighed by a complicated relationship with your partner

georgarina · 18/09/2022 08:22

My second was 100x easier than my first because we already had a routine going. And they love each other so much now - it’s good because they can play together. Gives them a lot, I think. Older one can feel responsible and caring, younger one can learn from the older.

I was an only child with a single parent until I was 9 and I really wanted a sibling, so that also influenced my decision to have another.

Pipsickl · 18/09/2022 08:29

There are some really nice things about having 2. I wasn’t prepared for just how much mine love each other, how much fun they seem to have together. I was in 2 minds about a second after having PND with my first, but my honest experience has been that the second was easier than the first.

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Original poster
Sillyholiday · 18/09/2022 08:30

theculture · 18/09/2022 08:20

I suppose a big question is how your new partner and your 5year old get on?

Does he do active parenting? Will he expect or want to treat his DC differently?
If your 5/6 year old displays some typical sibling jealousy to the new baby how will his step dad handle it?

Any benefits from a sibling will be far outweighed by a complicated relationship with your partner

They get on very well. I see my son with other kids and I know he'd be good. We'd be looking at at least a 6 year gap though and that worries me. I'd be 37 or so aswell. Dp is an only child and was always happy.

OP posts:
Original poster
Sillyholiday · 18/09/2022 08:30

Ds was an easy baby too despite his start in life.

OP posts:
Original poster
Sillyholiday · 18/09/2022 09:44

I'm veering towards staying at 1.

OP posts:
Original poster
Sillyholiday · 18/09/2022 09:46

I found the lack of freedom with having a baby and toddler hard. I don't think I could do it again especially with an age gap.

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