What to do when you and your partner disagree on how to parent?

[Fetacinno81]

My husband and I have a 2 year old son and he infuriates me sometimes with what I perceive as ridiculous parenting decision which ultimately leave me picking up the pieces.

For example, when my son is overtired, he will awake 30-45 mins after going to bed. I would normally leave him to settle for a bit then go up to his room and sit with him until he is calm as he needs nothing but to go to sleep.
However my husband will rush up, take him out of his room, put the TV !!! on for him in our room and offer him snacks etc.

If I say no to this or go up and tell him no he ends up shouting at me saying I don't trust his judgement and ends up in a massive argument, son is still not asleep, now more awake and then I get left to deal with it.

Or about a month ago my son hadn't really eaten and was going in the car and I said give him a banana for the car incase he is hungry. Oh no my husband thinks a potato waffle at 9am is appropriate?! I mean what? Inevitably my son doesn't eat it as it's too hot, it's all over his clothes and the car seat. When I said to my husband no don't give him that I just got shouted at saying can you not just do what I ask for once.

Another example, if we go out and I know we will be doing a lot of walking I always suggest taking the buggy as I know inevitably my son will get tired. My husband always says no no no he will be fine.

Low and behold my son will be tired and crying snd I get left to carry him or my have my husband moan about it.

When I talk to him about it he just says I don't trust him, I don't think he capable etc etc etc. i cannot be bothered with yeh constant arguing about it.

This does not sound like a difference in parenting philosophy, this is you expecting him to parent exactly the same ad you.

That is unreasonable.

That is you being controlling.

It is ok that your partners approach to parenting is different to yours. Different does not me his was is wrong. Different does not mean your way is right.

Its OK to do things differently and to have different approaches. In each example you give, neither is wrong, neither is right. Just different. You cannot expect him to bend to your way in the same way he cannot expect you to bend to his way.

This seems relevant

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Ok, so the bedtime approach is the biggest issue here, followed by the refusal to take a buggy when your DS will inevitably become tired.

What is also an issue is what is happening between you and your DH disagree. It shouldn't be escalating to him shouting at you or sulking/morning at the consequences of his decisions.

The food choice was not ideal but not something I would get stressed about.

Is he open to discussion (without it turning into him shouting) about parenting when you're not in the middle of it? If you explained why snacks and TV for a bedtime wake up aren't helpful what would his response be? What's his rational for doing that?

I would take the buggy anyway. My DH knows better than to argue with me on matters like that. Yours is being stupid - your child is 2!Why on earth wouldn’t you take the buggy? I couldn’t be doing with an idiot like this. Both my DB and DBil defer to their wives on matters like this - neither of them would argue about whether or not to take the buggy.

His bedtime decisions are just nuts, quite frankly. Child whinges a bit and gets tv and snacks when he would have settled without those? Why do that? Id tell him that if he’s ok with a 2 year old learning that he can get tv and snacks every night then he can do every bedtime.

And just take the buggy. If he refuses, I’d go back in the house and refuse to go, because last time I’d ended up having to carry a tired 2 year old. Put your foot down.

Well he is right. You don’t think he is capable.

I agree other than the sleep it’s nothing major. Everyone parents differently. I personally won’t give a child food in a car seat incased they choked, see another different opinion. And surely banana is even worse to clean up. For the buggy I would say I think we should take the buggy and if he says I don’t think so then say fine but you get to carry him without complaining about it.

For the sleep I would look at the NHS children sleep guide with him.

Bring a buggy when you think one will be needed. Potato waffles are less messy than bananas and 9am is as good a time for one as any other time! But the sleep thing is rubbish and will get your DS into dreadful habits. Try picking your battles, let the small things go then you won't seem like a yap when you discuss the real issues.

Yea he's an idiot. I couldn't be doing with it either. If he insists on getting him up at bedtime, go out and leave him to it.

dinosaur thread i know , but I need to mention the fact you always refer to him as MY SON . Should be OUR SON, meaning BOTH .