DD4 party - nobody coming!

[lamby12]

Ok so slight exaggeration but sent invites to 15 nursery children via nursery, had 3 rsvps from those that can't come due to existing plans.

Nobody's coming yet other than one friend and a family friend! Gave 5 weeks notice at the time of invites. DD according to nursery is friends with everyone, gets involved. Has a core group of friends but plays with everyone. No replies yet from the girls she talks about lots. I have the number of one other mum who we have play dates with. They are coming but at the moment that's it.

DD has never had a party before due to various covid/family things going on and is obsessed with having one so we booked a soft play, the full works and invited the whole nursery group.

I had a feeling it might be a bad idea due to them being so young still, all very fickle, and as not at school yet you don't really see parents on drop off as it's all different times.

I don't know what to do if we don't hear any more! It's 3 weeks away but people have had the invites for 2 weeks. Just had my number to rsvp, I am worried we may have to cancel and DD will be heartbroken. Why can't people even reply?!

@lamby12 - it's such a pain when there's no whatsapp group (or something along those lines)! Can you frame a reminder as something else - eg., asking about dietary requirements?

If push comes to shove, just don't tell your DD what is planned, so she won't feel disappointed. I would be, frankly, quite angry and upset if people didn't reply. But I am hoping it's just that they're disorganised.

@SarahAndQuack yes totally agree I wouldn't expect to be having to do extra party bags the day before with rsvps that last minute. I think if I hadn't rsvp'd to a party at least a week before (if I'd had the invite for 5 weeks ahead..) I'd be checking it was still ok to come in terms of numbers etc. I definitely wouldn't feel ok just turning up if I hadn't rsvp'd, but maybe people do that...?! The world of kids parties is new to me, but I already regret booking a 'proper' venue (it's also fairly expensive if there's not going to be a decent number!)

Fingers crossed a few more responses come in over the long weekend...

DD is so excited for her party and we haven't even gone into what's booked. She's just been talking about having a party for about 6 months. Probably we've been to loads and she's never had one yet!

Ok well if you want bespoke thank you presents from Etsy I guess you’re screwed because this is a kids party. Unorganised, oblivious parents- who rsvp on the at of/ just turn up- it’s hell :)

OP I imagine you will get a flurry of yes’ in the week of- fingers x!

@OnlyFoolsnMothers well I wouldn't be going all out with bespoke thank yous it would still only be tat in a bag... and I'd have a few spare anyway for sibling etc. But I'm just surprised at the lack of/slow response. Fingers crossed for some yes replies soon. All DD wants for her birthday is her party!!!

Parties can be a nightmare!

I think 5 weeks before is normal for invites to go out. You'll get the bunch who reply straight away, the ones who reply the week before (most) and the ones you have to chase. You also then get the ones who confirm and then drop out at the last minute for crap reasons (6 out of 16 at DS's recent party!)

It's very stressful but it does usually end up coming together in the end!

I've hosted about 5 class parties so far and never had a single person turn up who didn't RSVP. In my experience if they don't reply they aren't coming.

Nothing to do with that. I just don't have the money to be wasting it dashing around at the last minute or paying Amazon. This is not uncommon. No need to be rude about it. Like a lot of people, I work and so does DP, so we can't suddenly decide to take the afternoon off for shopping.

As others have said, don't panic! People are terrible at rsvp-ing. I think they like to keep their options open, or totally forget to reply.

My first party organising was in reception. 2/19 replied on the day the invites went out, then it went quiet and I had the same worry as you. A few more replies trickled in over the next couple of weeks, some the night before. In the end 18/19 turned up - some hadn't replied at all. So rude.

I think most parents of 4 year olds will be grateful for a free activity for their kids, probably want to get to know other parents, won't want to miss out - so your daughter will get the party she wants.

How did you rsvp for the parties DD was invited to? If it was text, scroll back through messages and find those numbers! Ask if they got the invitation and let them know you need to finalise numbers with the venue next week or something, then if they reply you can ask if they happen to have contact numbers for any of the other mums you need to chase up.

Eh? I was thinking it's not enough time. My calendar fills up way before 5 weeks, I would need 2 months. And if it's in the diary, we go. It's fun for the kids so not sure why you wouldn't stick to a plan made for a party, unless of course there's a massive thing comes up like best friends 40th or family funeral etc

Totally rude

I didn't see it was soft play requiring fixed numbers., that does mean it needs to be more organised I guess. we only did 'fied numbers' things when the DDs were older.
However the main thing is always put a reply by date because after that you have 'permission' to chase.

The problem with too early is anyone who works uncertain hours or other responsibilities may not know if they can attend. There is a long lead time, so rather than contacting to say that is they think 'oh I'll reply next Sunday when I know my hours', and then they forget. There are also issues if parents are separated (that problem increases the older children get). An invitation with a shorter lead time but a quick rsvp date tends to get better responses I think as people deal with it there and then. Siblings also make arranging things harder than a single.

However this is probably all very area dependent and maybe 'post covid' these things are being more organised than when mine were young.

I would send out reminders 2 weeks before that you need to let the venue know to confirm numbers which is, of course, true.

Does she have family/ cousins etc coming? If so I wouldn't worry too much. Even a group of say 6 children will be enough to tell her it's a party. Do you have any neighbours with young children?

What about inviting siblings as well?

In my experience people don’t always rsvp but they tell you when they see you. Do you see parents at drop off or anything?

I got way more responses from people running into me and saying ‘oh thanks for the invite, X would love to come’ than I did from the actual invite.

Is there a WhatsApp group? Make sure everyone on it knows. Invitations get lost in bags etc

Thanks everyone. No WhatsApp group, nothing like that. And don't really see anyone at drop off, being nursery rather than school people seem to drop off any time between 7.30 and 9.30 and it's a small group, it's rare anyone is there in the same 2 minutes to be honest!

Did you put an rsvp date on the invite?

@OnlyFoolsnMothers no I didn't, I thought about it but now I know it was a mistake not to. First party... you live and learn!

I have decided I will try and get a few numbers off the other mum I know of the girls that DD always talks about. If there are still no replies I will do a little reminder invite (if that's not too pushy?!) 2 weeks out. However with how far in advance invites normally come around here I feel like 2 weeks ahead is not enough notice if people hadn't seen/been bothered about the first invite.