Native language spoken at home - will the child reject it once he learns English ?

[kopoli]

My DH and I have a DS (now nearly 6 months old). We only speak our native language to him in the hope that he will become bilingual. So DS gets very little exposure to English at the moment. But its early days, and my main concern is that when he is old enough for playgroups and nursery, he will reject our native language (perhaps refuse to reply back in our language and reply in English instead ?). Also, I have read that children hate it when parents speak to them in another language in front of their friends because it makes them feel "weird" and different from their friends. Is this true ? Does anyone have experience of this where the language of the home is different to the community language ? I have read a couple of books on the subject, but am interested in hearing about your personal experiences.

I think that if you want your ds to be bilingual, you have to persevere speaking in your native language, even if he rejects it and replies in English. He will still gain a passive knowledge which is better than none at all. Also sometimes it is "just a phase"!

As for the hating it when parents speak to them in another language, I think it depends on the individual child, the age of the child, and whether he or she hears other children being spoken to in another language.

I have a friend who carried on speaking to her dd in French even though he was rejecting it so much that most other people thought he couldn't understand it, but now at 5 he is perfectly bilingual.

We grew up speaking Welsh in various places around the world. With my father that is, we spoke English between us (three sisters) and with my mother.
This is still the same today.

We were always aware of how proud my father was to be Welsh and how important it was to be part of that culture.We were taught to want to be a little different, not to want to be part of the herd. When we came home on leave we would attend a Welsh medium school.
The only resentment I felt was more to do with having to take Welsh lessons in my lunch hour as they were not part of the curriculum in my boarding school!

My sisters are married to a Korean and a French man respectfully and their children speak those languages as well as English (not Welsh unfortunately-they feel bad about this but don't live in Wales and are following the commonly given one person/one language rule.)

I have 2 children and speak Welsh with them (as does their father.) I am so proud to be Welsh that it does not cross my mind that they will 'turn their back' on Wales.
I have seen other people's children start speaking English to their parents at vulnerable moments but note that if the parents stand firm and continue to talk their native language the children desist. If the parents 'weaken' then all is often lost-a huge huge shame!!

My dh's brother moved away from Wales and after a lifetime speaking Welsh to all his family now speaks English with them. My dh is very angry about this and refuses to speak English back, but his mother now speaks English to him after 24 years of speaking Welsh. How weird is that!!??

Also think that role models are ver important. We are in constant touch with confident succesful educated Welsh speakers which makes a big difference to how a language is perceived both by speakers and 'outsiders'.

Please don't let a language or culture slip through your children's fingers. Even if they waver as impressionable children they will always regret their lost chance as adults.
(I know a girl who is taking A level Spanish and finding it difficult. Her mother is a native Spanish speaker and never spoke it with her. Tragic.)

Thanks for your excellent examples. Actually I only learnt English myself when I was around 10 years old. I learnt it just in time not to acquire a dodgy foreign accent ! I speak both languages as a native.

This is what I wish for my DS. He has the disadvantage that he will never be living in our native country (though we intend to go there once a year), so will not have the exposure to it that I did until the age of 10. The reason I was able to maintain my fluency in my mother tongue once we were living in the UK is beacuse as you say moondog, I was and still am extremely proud of my culture, language, history, etc...

This meant that I always sought friends from my own country whom I could speak to. In fact I was lucky that a girl from my country came to my school (a private girls school in Dorset full of nasty little girls who bullied and teased me because of where I was from and my inability to speak English) and we instantly became friends and were able to support each other through the teasing and bullying. We were now our own little "gang" because we felt special and different to the others. Most importantly we had our "secret language" which none of the nasty girls understood so we could say whatever we liked in front of the .

So I totally agree that a pride in the culture of the language you speak is crucial and that you should instil this in the child. Luckily my DH's ability in our language is very advanced (we have a lengthy history of poetry in my language which he is able to read and understand much better than me).

DH will be teaching DS the script once he has learnt to speak as it is quite difficult to master. I think that if you do not learn to read and write in the language it is much easier to lose it because it limits your exposure to the language. Do you agree ?

kopoli, I think you sound like exactly the sort of proud and confident people who will succeed!
Your children will be so grateful to you when they go back to your home country and can fit in.
If they couldn't speak the language they would feel like you did at school (aren't little girls in private schools little monsters a lot of the time?!)
Also, imagine a child not being able to speak with grandparents, aunties and cousins because they don't know their native tongue! That is the reality for a lot of children.

BTW, when people dare/dared try to mock me and my sisters for speaking Welsh (not that it ever bothered us an iota) we wave a hand dismissively, yawn and say
'Yes, monolinguals tend to have that sort of attitude' and walk away smiling smugly.
Drives them nuts!!

Kopoli, stick with the native language at home at all costs. We have two native languages at home, English and Portuguese, and have never lived in either country with DS (4yo) and are not likely too but he is fluent in English, extremly good at Portugese and speaks a third language,Italian, out of the house and at school. I always, always speak to him in English regardless of where we are and I have never had a negative reaction from him or anyone else, only praise in fact. He likes the fact that we have a special language. I'm not sure about the reading and writing issue you mention but having said that DS is learning to read and write in English at home and he loves it. I guess the Italian will be tackled at school in due time and we are in a dilemma about when to introduce reading and writing in Portugues because I think it's all going to be a bit much if we introduce it at the same time. I know that DS will love the fact that he can already speak English when the time comes that it is introduced in his school (when the kids are 5 yo can you believe!) I get the impression that he loves being slightly different when he wants to be, and fits in perfectly well with his friends when he needs that. I certainly don't think he feels 'weird'. As Moondog mentioned, it is important IMO that he can speak with his relations. DS has a fantastic relationship with his grandparents and cousins in both native laguages, it would be such a shame if he didn't! Bilingualism is a real gift and should be given if at all possible, I only wish I had had the opportunity when I was younger because it's so much harder to learn other language now.

always spoke in different language to my mum and never thought it was odd. In fact thought it was odd when talking to her in "local" language so hardly ever did.