DS 6 mindset - how to change it

[bingo876]

Hi all!

Something has been bugging me a little bit and I'm wondering if anyone has any advice.

My DS6 is well liked at school and has lots of friends. He does generally hang out with the boys playing football, digging in the dirt, playing zombies.

His view on girls is mostly that, 'girls are scaredy cats', 'girls are annoying', 'boys are better at things than girls', ' pink is only for girls' etc.

I know this is fairly normal for a boy of his age! However I just wondered if anyone had any recommendations for books, activities or even just conversations on this topic to try and broaden his mindset a bit!

Thanks 😊

I'd be very concerned as to where he's picking this up, to be honest. I don't think this level of misogyny is normal at all at his age. Who's talking to him like this? What's he watching that's telling him this?

Talk to him! Explain this isn't kind (or true for that matter) and how it's hurtful. Ask him why he says it. Remind him you, his mum, were a girl and you're none of those things etc. This would really annoy me and I'd come down hard on any gender stereotyping. It sounds like you're not massively concerned though. There are differences between boys and girls, but that's not the same as gender stereotyping. The latter is harmful and needs to stop.

Sadly I think it is normal for boys at this age. I was shocked when both mine started coming out with this, about age 4, despite not watching tv ( we did not have one) and going to a very good nursery with neutral colored toys, full of middle class slightly alternative types and their kids. Yes, there must have been an influence, maybe from other kids and kids programmes they watch? But still shows this is a cultural attitude flowing out there somewhere? It started at the age when kids start to become aware they are boys or girls, so maybe it feeds into a need for children to differentiate themselves from the opposite sex.

I explained that Mummy is a girl and gently talked about those views whenever they came up and eventually the comments stopped.

I’d be interested to hear from mums of girls if their daughters make similar comments about n boys at that age?

It's a challenge isn't it, society has a lot more influence on our children than we might think.

I remember my eldest being surprised by a woman bus driver at around about that age.

I am the only driver in our family, I work his dad doesn't. Both of us were seen doing housework etc, he goes to a very progressive school and still came out with that clanger!

The good news is nature won and he is a teen with healthy respect for both sexes.

I don't believe he's picking it up from anywhere sinister.

E.g 'girls are scaredy cats' comment came from telling me about how there was a spider in class, and all the girls were running away and screaming

'Pink is only for girls' I think is just an observation of the unfortunately gender stereotyped world we live in, e.g adverts on tv, his classmates choice of bags/lunchbox/clothes

I would argue that this actually is fairly normal (which doesn't make it ok!) but it's a common theme I see amongst kids his age, as a single mum though I'd like to educate him a bit more

I was quite smug about my eldest son, happy to play dress up as a princess, wanted his nails painted, doesn't really see girls and boys as different and will happily play with both. He's 7 now and has always been like that.

In comes his younger brother who is all about how pink is for girls and boys are better/stronger/faster etc. He doesn't want to play with girls or girls things at all. They have the same parents, went to the same nursery and school etc, so I have no idea where this has come from at all.

My youngest child is a girl and mainly west her brothers hand me downs, so it's not like he's got a 'girls wear pink' message from me. And his dad actually mainly has female friends, so he sees those relationships and men and women doing stuff together often.

I think society has a huge influence and some kids are just more susceptible to that. How you counteract it, I don't really know!

The book My Body is Me by Rachel Rooney is good for challenging all sorts of stereotypes, eg girls can like mud, boys can like pink. Disabled children can like sport.
I teach this age group and I don't think it's normal to be talking about 'girls are like x', thankfully. Definitely needs challenged, at home and at school.

Maybe also get a book about pioneering women to challenge his misconceptions, eg some of these.

www.booktrust.org.uk/news-and-features/features/2018/may/8-of-the-most-inspiring-real-life-women-in-childrens-books/

Thanks for your comments!

Just to be clear, he doesn't make these comments in a hateful way! He's only 6, he does also play with the girls in his class and is a lovely, kind child. He just genuinely thinks, girls don't like 'boy stuff' etc. and it's easy to see why he'd think that in my opinion.

I would just like to open up this conversation with him now and challenge the stereotypes he inevitably does see in every part of society.

Thanks for the book recommendations, going to see if our library has any in stock.

We had a chat today about it all today too and I was explaining about how in some countries, girls are not allowed to go to school, just because they are girls! He thought this was very unfair and sad for them, he couldn't quite believe it.

Navigating this whole mum thing just keeps throwing new challenges at you doesn't it 😊

Kids pick stuff like this up in school.

I challenge it with our own experiences. I remind DS of the things they're scared of. I remind them of the 'girls toys' they like and the 'boys stuff' girls they know like.

I also ask them to tell me when the last time they saw a woman in a dress was! None of their female teachers wear dresses or skirts!

DSS started coming out with things like this out of the blue (he's 4 going on 5) and we weren't sure where it came from until he started to say 'girls don't play football' and similar, at which point we realised it was just observational, so made sure he was seeing girls being brave/boys dancing/girls playing football etc. whether on TV or in real life.