6 month old only wants mum at night

[Probablytired]

So my 6 month old is going through a bit of a ‘phase’ (coming up to 2 weeks now…) of god awful sleep. She’s waking up every 2 hours where previously it was only once or twice a night.

she is exclusively breastfed but we still only do two feeds at night which is when she’s hungry, but other than that she’s needing to be resettled with cuddling (we don’t want to use any CIO or Ferber type sleep training). The thing is, she will ONLY settle with me. My poor DH could be rocking, shushing, running around the room to try and calm her down for ten minutes whilst she is screaming and flailing her body around, yet he gives her to me and I just give her a cuddle sitting perfectly still and she closes her eyes and goes right back to sleep (she won’t do this for DH either btw). I don’t understand it. She settles perfectly fine for DH in the day but it’s like at night she only wants me, regardless of whether she’s breastfeeding or not.

Has anyone experienced this before? In my absolute state of sleep deprivation I sometimes feel resentful towards DH at night, but obviously I know it’s not his fault at all. He is also feeling useless as he wants to pull his weight and share the responsibility of waking up like we always have done at night but it almost seems pointless when the quicker ends easier option is just for her to sit with me, I don’t even have to stand up and she will snuggle into my arms and just go back to sleep with no fuss.

what is this all about? And what should we be doing? Do I just take over night wakings for the ease of it and be absolutely knackered or do we keep trying with DH only to have it not work every night and for all of us to be up with the crying anyway? Pleeease tell me this is just a phase…

If she's going straight to sleep on you what's the problem? Surely just cuddle her back to sleep and put her back down? You've said it's really quickly that she settles, so I'm honestly not seeing where the issue is. She wants you, so go with it. Letting her scream for 10 minutes isn't helping her or your DH. She's a tiny baby, she was inside you for longer than she's been outside, if she wants you just go with it.

You must be exhausted, and DH too it is so frustrating when they want to help and can't. My DD is 6 months and doing the same thing ...just when I'm about to return to work 😬 reassure your DH its a normal developmental stage, not something he's doing wrong and perhaps he can be involved in leading her morning routine and you can get a tiny bit of a lie in? Xx

My 4 month old is the same right now. Easiest option is to take over and settle him. But we are persevering with DH trying, because at some point DS will need to be able to settle with him. So I feel like consistent exposure to DH, even if it's me that eventually settles him is better than nothing. Tonight he did eventually stop crying and go back to sleep with DH (third time he woke up pre-10pm, he's having a mare at the mo) but the rest of the wakings I've done. It's very hard. I'm also telling myself it's a phase and hoping we come out of the regression soon.

My DD has been doing this for a month, now 7 months old. However, tonight she has just woken for the first time since 11pm! So, I'm hoping the phase might nearly be over and therefore my advice is, just go with it and give her the cuddles if it makes life easier as it'll soon pass!

@FantasylandEnthusiast even though she settles quickly with me she is still awake every two hours which is a lot and hard to take on by myself when I have my husband there who wants to share the responsibility but can’t. I am in awe of people who raise babies alone but it’s something I personally really struggle with and lack of sleep makes my PPA awful, so it’s hard taking DH out if the picture especially for nights when he’s always been part of them. I guess that’s the issue but it is what it is I was just wondering if anyone had been through anything similar.

@NewtoHolland I'm sorry you’re going through it too! It really is exhausting isn’t it. Feels like having a newborn again! Good luck with your return to work and hopefully DD’s phase passes quickly.

@Ruibies that is what we’re wondering whether we should try too, it’s really hard to know what to do. DD’s sleep was all over the place at 4 months too. Fingers crossed it won’t last too long for you!

@Sleepyquest thank you for the hope!

It's a long time since my two were babies (18 and 14 now) but it couldn't be teething could it?? It's always mum they want. I went through sleep deprivation with my eldest (a lot) - it was tough!!

My toddler is nearly 2 and when she wants her mum in the night, no one else will do. She will scream, hit and throw herself around, until she gets to me. Could your husband get her, you cuddle her back to sleep and your husband keep watch and put her back when she's asleep? That way you you aren't getting out of bed and he feels involved?

My 6mo wakes every two hours (we sometimes get a 3 hour stretch at the start of the night) and only wants mum, but also only wants boob 🤷🏻‍♀️

From everything I've read this is very normal at this age. On weekends I hand DS over to DP and they have playtime for an hour or two while I go back to bed.

My 20 month old wakes every 2 hours every single night, has done since she was 7 months. It is what it is.

Sleep is developmental - they’ll get it when they get it and it goes through good patches and bad. It isn’t linear.

This is a great article on the reality of baby sleep:
sarahockwell-smith.com/2017/07/24/the-rollercoaster-of-real-baby-sleep/

There is a developmental progression/ sleep regression which starts anytime from
6 months onwards.
This may be causing the more frequent wake ups. I can highly recommend safely bed sharing as this will give you the maximum amount of sleep. Ask your husband to get up with her in the morning and allow you to sleep in a bit. If she needs you at night then try to “lean in” to this, it’s perfectly normal and will pass.
It’s wonderful that her Daddy is so keen to be involved overnight.

My two did this around 6 months too;

Tbh I fed them back to sleep as it worked quickly. I also napped with them in the afternoon while it was happening. Teething was also at play with one of them so when I realised I gave some calpol as well.

It's great that DH wants to help but it isn't helping. Agree if he can get up with baby in the morning to let you sleep in that can help too. Alternatively be 'on duty' in the evening and you go to bed early too.

This will pass.

My 14 month still won't settle for my husband - only me! Husband tried to put him to bed once and OH BOY was that the wrong thing to do!

Thank you @Probablytired for your kind thoughts. It is tough being the preferred one at night when they are going through a wakeful phase. I hope it eases soon for you as well. My little one will soon have to get used to daddy two evenings a week, with practice I'm sure they will find their own rhythm. The sling is going to be a good friend to him I think!!

My almost 2yo has always been like this. It basically resulted in my DH's MH suffering massively because DC1 just would not accept him and would back arch away and hit him if he tried. It has gotten slightly better, DC1 will now settle with Dad in the room at night as long as he's nowhere near the cot. DH blames EBF.

It was the same for us. I coslept and just breastfed lying down the whole first year, fed him back to sleep for every wake, saved us all as we all got more sleep. Insisting on trying to settle him other ways would have just had us all awake longer. I appreciate this isn’t something everyone wants to do though.

He changed in his own time though. By 18 months either of us could put him to bed/settle him, and 19 months he started sleeping through

My 6 month old baby is doing exactly this. Waking every hour or 2, and wants a quick feed, then settles back to sleep (as long as he’s on me). I’m just managing, as I know it’s a phase and it won’t last. My partner takes over in the evenings and mornings, to give me a chance to sleep, but it’s only me that can do the nights currently.

They’re so little, it won’t be forever