Over reacting or unsupportive Husband?

[Ali2016]

I really don’t know where to start. Me and my husband have a 7 month old baby and I just feel that his life has not changed one bit. He was great at the beginning, it was amazing to see. Now it feels like everything is left down to me including house work etc

I suffered with depression at the beginning after having my baby but I feel like he’s never fully understood how it’s taken it’s toll on me? I’ve been under the doctor for my mental health but I just feel lost. I’m so in love with our baby and really want a great family relationship as I never had that but I just feel sad that my husband barely helps round the house, I have to ask for help with the baby, he can see I struggle some days too.

he just doesn’t seem interested in me anymore, not just looks wise, but just in general, I’m anything I have to say. I feel so worn down by it all to be honest. I’ve spoken to him how I feel and he just says “if that’s how you feel, that’s how you feel” I just can’t be bothered to even try and talk to him anymore about it as it just feels like I have to tell him how to treat me? I really can’t see how we get back to how we were? I really feel that he does not care.

sorry For the rant, just really need to vent

OP, this is sad to read. I'm sorry to hear that you're feeling so down.

It sounds like your DH isn't doing a great job of supporting you through this. Maybe he feels a bit out of his depth? Lots of people aren't sure how best to support someone struggling with their mental health.

Can you get a babysitter and spend some time together just the two of you? Having a baby is such a huge adjustment and it seems like the two of you have moved apart and need to try and find your way back together.

Don't give up on him yet, OP. The first year of having a baby is so hard and it's sometimes just a case of hanging in there until things get easier.

Could he maybe do bathtime every night? And take the baby out for a couple of hours at the weekend to give you a break?

it is really upsetting me, you’re right though, we have drifted apart…. I feel like I’m the only one who wants to fix it. I have mentioned this to him and he just says no we haven’t. I just feel like my voice is not being heard.

I feel so unattractive, I feel like my body is not mine, and I’ve gained weight as well which doesn’t help. I just feel really broken. If it wasn’t for my baby, I honestly feel like I would have a meltdown.

Are you still on mat leave? Do you do anything for yourself outside of being mum?

It's hard because on one hand I can see you feel he's being unsupportive. But I also know that when I was going through a depressed episode in my life I felt exactly the same as you described about your DH. Looking back now I know it was more about how I felt about himself than him.

Work on finding your identity again and I think you start to feel better.

Yes, still on maternity leave. I do go out but both that often and it’s usually with my baby anyway. I know this is going to sound harsh and I hate thinking it but I feel like he doesn’t know our baby, and when I say she likes it like this or that he doesn’t like me saying that and just ignores me anyway. I don’t do it to make him feel rubbish, I do it for us both to have a easy life, if we are doing it the same way, and she likes it, we are all winners.

I can’t remember the last time he hugged me either? Couple of weeks ago maybe? I just don’t feel like he cares about me. Maybe I’ve pushed him away with how my mental state has been?

Many people say the first year of first baby's life is the hardest on the marriage. It is a lot of change in every area of life.