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Parenting

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Should I have told him that it might not be his baby?

15 replies

Spiritqueen1111 · 15/09/2022 18:14

Hi everyone, I'm new here so hope this is alright to post. I had been with my ex for 4 ½ years on and off, every 3 months basically he left and then after 3 months I contacted him we got back together and so on, until I looked back I didn't realise that that was what was happening. We got along so well, at the start it was great we were so close, he moved in with me, we would both go to work do our own thing then come to spend the afternoon and night together and repeat the next day.
After 2 years he had left and during this time he got attacked and was left brain damaged, he had a struggle to get back to himself, I was there to support him and get him back out in the world and to basically become the independent person he was before this as his family just left him in his bedroom so they could use his mobility car and benefit from the disability payments he was receiving.
Anyway after 2 more years he was still struggling mentally with everything that had gone on and we split, he told me he didn't love me, we had lost our connection and wanted me to move on and find someone else. I did move on, well I tried to, I just couldn't make it work because I was still in love with me ex. I contacted him after breaking up with the new man and we were getting along great as friends, he showed no interest at wanting to be anything other than friends and I accepted that, I was just happy to have him back in my life.
After a month or so I ended up sleeping with the man I'd just broke up with, it was a one time thing and we didn't speak after that night. Then a week later my ex showed interest in me and we slept together. Fast forward a month and I found out I was pregnant and obviously I don't know who the dad is. The day I found out is the day I went and told me ex about the baby and the other man and the fact I didn't know if it was his baby or not. It has broke him completely!! He tried to stay around, he was there for 3 weeks but then left. Now he will not even speak to me properly until the day I do a paternity test he said.
I had a terrible pregnancy at the start I was in so much pain so was in hospital a lot, my friends all know about the situation and so do some medical professionals. The thing is a lot of them keep asking me why I even told him it might not be his baby in the first place, they say I should have kept it to myself. I don't know if I could have kept it to myself, I know people that have done that and they are unsure of the dad and those children are adults now and it's still a secret, I couldn't live with myself to do that to him but now I'm thinking should I have just not told him and let him believe its his baby for the baby to have a family and to have not hurt him so bad? Sorry for the long post

OP posts:
LoHD · 15/09/2022 18:22

You did the right thing
Of course you had to tell him
Now give him space until you know the result of the test
Also congrats on your baby! 💜

icallitaday · 15/09/2022 19:05

Well congratulations, you did the right thing and it must of been hard for you to do that! Just give him space until
You have answers xx

Libertyqueen · 15/09/2022 19:07

You’ve done nothing wrong in this situation. In the long wrong living with lies and secrets is horribly toxic.

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Aretheyhavingalaugh · 15/09/2022 19:14

You've done the right thing OP, It's always better to be truthful especially in a situation like this. Just get the necessary tests done when you're able to and go from there

Sprogonthetyne · 15/09/2022 19:20

You did the right, though hardest thing. It must be so hard going through a difficult pregnancy alone, but you do it with a clear conscious and everyone knows where they stand. Secrets like that generally come out sooner or later, and he would be far more hurt bonding with the baby then finding out. Once baby is born, if it is his he has an entire life time to bond with baby, and if it isn't you have saved him the heartbreak of unexpectedly finding that out.

yousexybugger · 15/09/2022 19:26

You've done absolutely the right thing. You'd feel 100x worse with a secret hanging over and you weren't together at the time so you haven't done him wrong in any way. Just give him space then arrange a paternity test in due course. Congrats on the pregnancy!

Bestcatmum · 15/09/2022 19:35

God just dump him the whole relationship sounds like a nightmare.

Aretheyhavingalaugh · 15/09/2022 20:52

When is your baby due OP?

Spiritqueen1111 · 15/09/2022 20:56

Aretheyhavingalaugh · 15/09/2022 20:52

When is your baby due OP?

My baby is due Feb 2023 so still got a while to go

OP posts:
Spiritqueen1111 · 15/09/2022 20:58

Thank you all for the congratulations. I knew deep down it was the right thing to do to tell him, I pray it is his but either way its mine and I know it's a blessing that I was meant to have.

OP posts:
Spiritqueen1111 · 15/09/2022 21:02

Sprogonthetyne · 15/09/2022 19:20

You did the right, though hardest thing. It must be so hard going through a difficult pregnancy alone, but you do it with a clear conscious and everyone knows where they stand. Secrets like that generally come out sooner or later, and he would be far more hurt bonding with the baby then finding out. Once baby is born, if it is his he has an entire life time to bond with baby, and if it isn't you have saved him the heartbreak of unexpectedly finding that out.

It is really hard doing it alone, I don't speak to any of my family and the only ones that are there for me are a few work colleagues. That was the worse fear I had, him finding out it wasnt his later in life after bonding with the baby. I couldn't do that to someone.

OP posts:
Summerslam · 15/09/2022 21:08

You have done the right thing in being honest. I hope the rest of your pregnancy goes well and you have a swift and painless delivery when the time comes. Whoever the father is, your child has an honourable mother.

Aretheyhavingalaugh · 15/09/2022 21:12

Spiritqueen1111 · 15/09/2022 20:56

My baby is due Feb 2023 so still got a while to go

It will go so fast, trust me! Congratulations. You'll be able to figure stuff out once the little one has arrived 🙂

DeeofDenmark · 15/09/2022 21:35

It’s kind of irrelevant what was the right thing, you are where you are. I think it’s very unhelpful for anyone to be criticising you right now when you need support. Take it one day at a time and make plans for your baby. Oh and congratulations 🎉

Howardsbend · 15/09/2022 22:04

You did the right thing but he's bad news.

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