Toddler fussy eating driving me mad

[ShoutyMcShout]

Hi all
DD is 2 and has always been a fussy eater, mostly because she's just so distractible and food is not that high on her to do list :)

The last few months about 30-40% of our days are just sooo frustrating because she will ask for food, I will give it to her, and after a few bites (or sometimes none), she will ditch it and ask for a different food. I know she is hungry because this can start right from breakfast until bedtime. The requests for food are CONSTANT and she eventually gets hangry and will meltdown. At first I used to give in and offer an alternative quite soon but now I tell her xyz is all there is available for now because I know how much food will go to waste that day if I keep offering other options. I do eventually give in though because I need to get things done and the constant crying/whining for other food does my head in. There's no obvious teething going on but when she does teeth, it really sends her over the edge.

It's almost like everything tastes bad to her? Or her mouth is uncomfortable? Or is this behaviour linked with a developmental leap? I really am at my wit's end.

She was recently diagnosed with a very mild iron deficiency so I wonder if that's linked. This isn't everyday- it's a bit of a lottery/gamble everyday as to whether she will eat or not.

If anyone's had similar experiences, please enlighten me!

Out if curiosity, does DD go to a childminder or nursery and if so, how does she eat there?

No, she's with me pretty much most days. She's exactly the same when left with grandparents etc.

Okay, I just wondered as my DS eats everything at the CM but is super fussy at home so we've put it down to a control thing.
He feels like he doesn't have control over anything else but knows he can hold court with food. He knew if he didn't eat we would fuss and pander and offer him things (bribe) and beg. So we just stopped doing those things. I started putting out a selection of things every meal time and left him to it.
Also, when we eat together I put everything in the middle of the table and we help ourselves. He tends to tuck in because he's worried we'll eat it all first if he doesn't.
We use distraction when he's eating too, but I really wish we hadn't started on that route as now he sometimes will not eat without a screen. It's a bit of a nightmare and absolutely of our own making 😬
I might be wide of the mark, but it sounds like a control thing for DD too if she's asking for things and then rejecting them / asking for something else.

Do you all sit down together to eat. We used to do that with our children, they watch you eating and copy what you are doing. We didn't give ours lots of choice they could chose breakfast from a selection of cereals but pretty much every thing else we all had the same. We used to have some issues now and then but we mostly ignored them when they wouldn't eat and left it until the next meal and didn't offer an alternative.

Yep, I always eat with her otherwise she has zero interest. As I said, some days are fine but others I literally spend the entire day with her whining for xyz foods one after the other for her to then down a couple of Weetabix just before bed! I used to put it down to teething before but I'm just not sure anymore.

Do you have enough good days for her to be getting enough food across the week? Is she growing ok? If so, I just wouldn't worry. Put out breakfast, then snack, then lunch, then snack, then dinner. She can eat or not as she sees fit.

Do not budge from that. The whining may get worse initially, but will stop when she realises no means no. The problem you have at the moment is that she knows no mean 'not right now but eventually I will give in'.

If she isn't eating enough to be growing ok or is very lethargic or is otherwise showing signs of I'll health, go and see your gp or HV incase there is something else going on (could be an intolerance to something to celiac).

She's petite but has followed her centile curve consistently. I do worry from time to time especially when she gets taller and looks a bit slimmer, but whenever I weigh her it's been alright. She does have a dairy intolerance which we are slowly making progress with in small quantities. We're starting her iron supplements tomorrow so I guess I'll give that some time and see if it makes a difference as well- I read that low iron can cause discomfort in the mouth and also fussiness/crankiness in toddlers.

You're right- I think I need to be rigid with the food options. I think after 2 hrs of whining my anxiety kicks in and I worry she's starving and give in.

I highly recommend checking out the division of responsibility approach. Has worked wonders for my fussy two year old.

open.spotify.com/episode/12J1Jw1bNObR3wgcoBzTGM?si=S8-bgBdlR0GKJpFU9_S85Q

www.ellynsatterinstitute.org/how-to-feed/the-division-of-responsibility-in-feeding/

Kids eat in colour on Instagram is also great