Toddler hitting at nursery and home

[Trinxsy]

nc (I think) for this but ok if not.

For some context, we're awaiting a visit from the SEND / Behavioural team and a referral as DS is suspected to have additional needs. He's already been assessed by SALT who agree - he was initially seen as his speech hasn't been great.

We've been having some issues with DS hitting at home and completely ignoring us. He only hits me (mum) and he doesn't do it immediately.
You can see him thinking about it first and then he decides to strike out.
We've been doing time out for him to decompress as he gets worked up and then he says sorry - or is supposed to which he doesn't really do. He just ignores and walks away.

I picked him up from nursery and they told me he had been in time out three separate times today!
Incident one - pushing a child over
Incident two- throwing objects at a child
Incident three - trying to hurt another child with play scissors!

I'm absolutely mortified and I feel a bit at a loss.
They said they put him in time out all three instances and then told him to say sorry and he refused and said he would rather sit there!

I'm not sure what to do to be honest. Time out clearly isn't working and I really don't want him to hurt other children.

Does anyone have any advice?

Thanks.

How old is he? The nursery sounds a bit shit tbh

I work in one and we do not do time outs - we remove the child from the situation and talk to them about their feelings and talk through how what they did may have upset / hurt someone else (depending on the child’s age) and try find out what’s going on / causing it

its not going to be done maliciously at this age - it’s likely become he can’t cope with his feelings or the other child has encroached on his space / upset him etc

does the nursery have a senco??

@Fupoffyagrasshole
He's three. they did call it the "thinking mat" but from the way it was explained, he's left to think about what he's done and then they ask him to apologise.

SALT assessed him at home and they saw his behaviours. They then visited his nursery and they denied he's like that there so I'm just a bit confused.

They do have a senco but it's like they don't believe he has possible additional needs whereas other professionals do. They've never commented on any of his behaviours.

I didn't think nurseries were allowed to do time outs? Even calling it a thinking mat.
As pp my nursery would move my son away and explain to him what's happened.

If nursery staff aren't listening to professionals about potentially have additional needs I would be questioning this.

Do you mean nursery denied your son was hitting etc there? Terrible if so and needs raised.

Do you have meetings with HV and nursery? If suspected needs you need to be having catch up meetings to discuss how he's getting on and address anything.

Please don't feel mortified children go through a hitting stage with additional needs or not. I feel you need proper support, is your HV in touch?

honestly your nursery sounds terrible!! i'd be requesting a meeting with the manager and the senco!!

Our Senco isn't there just to deal with children with confirmed SEN

She observes childrens behaviours and spots signs that there may be some issues with some children - if we have no children with additional needs then she works on helping children with their feelings / expressing themselves

your son should have been asked how he felt when he hit the other child / why he did it erc - maybe the other child annoyed him or did something to upset him !!

We wouldn't normally be forcing apologies either

i'm sorry you are going through this but don't feel mortified this is totally normal with 3 year olds!