How to deal with bad behaviour/ tantrums

[user19888891]

my 2yr old was having a meltdown (unclear why but I think it’s because I said she we needed to start making dinner so she would have to move rooms). She was screaming in my face and hitting me- I was kneeling in front of her saying that it was not ok to shout or hit. My husband appeared and lifted her up, gave her chocolate and put the tv on for her. I think this is a really poor way to handle this behaviour but he thinks the most important thing is to calm her down. I’m annoyed not only because I think his reasoning is wrong but I also feel like he totally undermined me

Tantrums aren’t bad behaviour. They are not a choice but happen when they are overwhelmed with emotion. You can try and prepare for transition and say in 5 min we will go into the kitchen, and then we have one min left to go to the kitchen and then we are going to the kitchen which toys shall we bring with us.

A 2 year old is not behaving badly if they have a tantrum. They don’t have the words to talk to you about why they are upset so crying, screaming and hitting are quite normal.
Distraction is the best way to deal with them so while I wouldn’t have given her chocolate as you said it was time to make a meal, switching the tele on is certainly a good idea to calm her down.

I had given her a warning that it was nearly time to go but when it came time to actually going this is when she got upset.
I know that tantrums are inevitable for toddlers and not bad behaviour but for me hitting is not acceptable and that’s what I’m not sure how to deal with

She's so young she doesn't understand. I think you're taking it personally. Tell her baby we don't use our hands when she's calm. Not when she's upset and can't tell you because like the other poster said very young children cannot tell you with words, they get frustrated and overwhelmed.

It's definitely not bad behaviour like previous posters say, but I draw the line at hitting. I don't shout at my toddler for this, but I firmly let him know that it isn't acceptable. Like another poster said, preparing them in advance that a change is going to happen works well. You can also try telling her that you are going to the other room now and would she like to pick a toy to take with her. Also, the more tired they are, the more likely meltdowns are going to happen. I don't agree at all with what your husband did, but I do agree that calming her down is the key.

I've read the best way to deal with a meltdown is to let them know you understand they are upset, be firm in your answer, give them a choice as a distraction, i.e. I know you are upset but we are going to the other room now. Then say that later we can go back to the first room. And then finally offer them something which they can have a say in, e.g. would you like to pick a toy to bring with you? would you like to help with dinner? for food meltdowns it would go something like: no, we aren't having bananas right now, we can have them another time. Would you like to eat your food with the red spoon or the blue?