Do you have intrusive thoughts about your children?

[lilaclilypod]

Just interested in others peoples experiences on intrusive thoughts about your children?

I've always experienced this but it's becoming quite intense now.

I imagine them dying, or me dying. It's very real, I replay the same scenarios over and over and it's becoming an obsession making sure these things can't really happen.

An example is my youngest, 1yrs old falling out an upstairs window. Every time we're upstairs I have to double, triple check every window is shut.

I've become paranoid that the dog is going to maul them to death, he's the softest dog ever he adores the boys and acts as a therapy dog for my autistic son. He has the patience of an absolute saint and is always the first to respond to my sons screaming meltdowns, I know he wouldn't hurt him, but I'm absolutely petrified of it, I make the dog or the kids come absolutely everywhere with me i try and keep them different sides of the room. I know that's not a bad thing but my worry over it is far worst than the risk posed.

I know intrusive thoughts are common, but is this verging into something more? Should I speak to someone.

Please talk to someone!

I started like this and it escalated (with help from my health visitor who told me my 3 day old son was going to someone crawl to the radiator and hang himself on the clothes while I was watching him).

It was only when my solicitor phoned my DH worrying about my DS and I that people listened and I was sectioned with postnatal psychosis.
I didn't trust anyone with him so thought he would be better off dead, my plan was to buy a reborn doll to 'keep up appearances' then flee the country!

I know see how ridiculous that was but in myind that was the only way of keeping him safe.

It sounds like your anxiety has crossed a line. I'd see your GP.

I get it - when my toddlers wake during the night, my first thought is "at least they're still alive". (For me, I think it's because I had a couple of miscarriages, so am still waiting for something to go wrong).

Every single time I make a cup of tea or coffee I have a horrible intrusive thought that I will throw it at my baby. It's awful but thankfully fleeting

I used to suffer from intrusive thoughts as I had OCD. It has tried to make a reappearance now I have baby DD. If it's upsetting you and you're unable to control it, do mention it to HV and maybe try counselling and CBT. I found it very helpful. Doesn't necessarily stop the thoughts completely, but does make them less distressing and you're more able to ignore them.

This makes perfect sense! I had a miscarriage and eptopic, my boys are both ivf. I did really struggle to accept I was pregnant and they would arrive safely so makes sense that this is an extension of that anxiety. I thought this was something I'd suffered with since they were born but it's not, it's actually been since the moment I found out the ivf worked.

OP I do think my miscarriages and ivf has something to do with my intrusive thoughts. Throughout the whole pregnancy I was waiting for it to go wrong, even at the birth I thought I would have a stillbirth, then thoughts of cot death, it's endless. Now it's worrying something terrible will happen at his nursery. It's like surely I can't be this lucky to have him after all we went through.

No, I don't think that's normal.
It's normal to worry about these things, but sounds like these thoughts are taking over you.

Yes, always. I can't imagine not being constantly on edge.

Yes, I’ve had various types of OCD for as long as I can remember, of various degrees of severity. Now I’d consider myself having intrusive thoughts (as everyone does but maybe a little more than the average person) but the compulsions are not there as much.

The trick is (and it’s the hardest thing in the world) to stop checking. Obviously as a parent you lock the windows, but don’t check them again. That’s an easy one as that’s a physical compulsion, the hard ones to stop are the ones you don’t even realise are compulsions, such as googling for reassurance of a feeling or thought, or when you go through a thought in your head and test how you feel, or try to push the thought out of your head, these are all compulsions.

Depending on how rough you’re feeling there is some really good books (Pure / Because We Are Bad) that I found so helpful, however I could only read them when I felt I was on the way to recovery.

OCD is fucking awful but there can be a life beyond it, CBT if possibly, exercise, sleep, throw yourself into doing good things for your mind and body.