Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Parenting

For free parenting resources please check out the Early Years Alliance's Family Corner.

Original poster

5 month old will not sleep at night

28 replies

Smartergirl · 13/09/2022 20:58

Hey everyone. Me and my partner are in desperate need of advice. Our LG is just over 5 months old, and we're trying to start a bedtime sleep routine, but it's a mission trying to get her down. We change her bum, get her in her sleep suit, feed her, burp her and then the crying starts and will not stop for the next few hours, all the while we are rocking her walking with her and shushing her to try and console her and get her to sleep. It feels like we've tried everything under the sun to get her to calm down but she fights with herself, as soon as she starts to drift off she'll jolt herself awake again and then the crying starts all over again. We've tried all sorts of white noise, we've tryed Amber lights, no lights, she won't take any dummies. Honestly it feels like she's just exhausted from crying by the time she does go to sleep. We really don't want to let her cry it out because it's just too painful for us to hear her crying so that's why we're constantly consoling her while she is crying. She's our first child so we're still trying to figure things out. She will put up a bit of a fight to nap during the day but after about a half hour of walking her about she will fall asleep, which I don't mind doing, but at night its maybe an hour or two before she ends up going to sleep. Please can someone give us any advice on what we can do to help get her to sleep easier at night time?

OP posts:
Endlesslaundry123 · 13/09/2022 21:22

The 4 month sleep regression is TOUGH! As I mentioned in another post, I recommend reading Precious Little Sleep, fast read with tons of great info. Helped my daughter sleep at 5 months (she became an amazing sleeper!). Ebook easy to grab off Amazon . Good luck!

stormy11 · 13/09/2022 21:38

Following as in same situation

DandelionNumber12 · 13/09/2022 21:57

Hello! Do you have a routine for naps in the day? What do your days generally look like?

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about these subjects:

3-6 months old Babies & sleep Children's sleep Families
purplemama1990 · 14/09/2022 16:14

I struggled with the 4 month sleep regression so much! Like you, I tried everything that I read about online or was suggested to me, but nothing worked. Honestly, it just passed eventually.

One thing you didn't mention that you've tried is the pick up put down method - which is totally not the same as cry it out. I think sometimes rocking them and consoling them too much can make them even more frustrated. Instead of constant rocking and consoling, put them down in the cot in a dark room for a couple of mins while staying with them. If they are still crying, pick up and console for a min and then put back down. Keep repeating until they fall asleep... it's a lot of work but sometimes giving them that space can help calm them down. My little one also used to cuddle his muslin cloths / muslin blankets and it would help him settle. I still use the basis of pick up put down method until this day (he's 3 now), although now it's more cuddle and leave the room until he calls out for me.

Hoping that this time passes for you and baby settles soon!!

Original poster
Smartergirl · 14/09/2022 16:29

I usually am able to prempt her nap times as I'm doing a mix of tracking her wake windows and also following her sleep cues ie rubbing eyes and ears. So when that happens it's same as bed time routine really, without the feed, I bring her upstairs, change her bum, put on some white noise and close all the blinds and doors for as much darkness as possible, and walk with her until eventually she goes to sleep within 10 mins to half an hour! But when we do the same thing at night time it's all hell breaks loose 😢

OP posts:
Original poster
Smartergirl · 14/09/2022 16:33

purplemama1990 · 14/09/2022 16:14

I struggled with the 4 month sleep regression so much! Like you, I tried everything that I read about online or was suggested to me, but nothing worked. Honestly, it just passed eventually.

One thing you didn't mention that you've tried is the pick up put down method - which is totally not the same as cry it out. I think sometimes rocking them and consoling them too much can make them even more frustrated. Instead of constant rocking and consoling, put them down in the cot in a dark room for a couple of mins while staying with them. If they are still crying, pick up and console for a min and then put back down. Keep repeating until they fall asleep... it's a lot of work but sometimes giving them that space can help calm them down. My little one also used to cuddle his muslin cloths / muslin blankets and it would help him settle. I still use the basis of pick up put down method until this day (he's 3 now), although now it's more cuddle and leave the room until he calls out for me.

Hoping that this time passes for you and baby settles soon!!

How often do you pick up and put down? Are there set intervals? Because sometimes I do end up putting her down so I can have a break but she still cries incessantly😢

OP posts:
Original poster
Smartergirl · 14/09/2022 16:33

DandelionNumber12 · 13/09/2022 21:57

Hello! Do you have a routine for naps in the day? What do your days generally look like?

I usually am able to prempt her nap times as I'm doing a mix of tracking her wake windows and also following her sleep cues ie rubbing eyes and ears. So when that happens it's same as bed time routine really, without the feed, I bring her upstairs, change her bum, put on some white noise and close all the blinds and doors for as much darkness as possible, and walk with her until eventually she goes to sleep within 10 mins to half an hour! But when we do the same thing at night time it's all hell breaks loose 😢

OP posts:
HeyDiddleDaddle · 14/09/2022 16:38

What time are you putting her to bed. Are you sure she's ready? I don't think there's any harm in staying up and playing til she's actually tired. Dim lights, quiet toys, story books. Then wait for her cues and settle her to bed when she's ready.

Sometimes my boy isn't ready for bed (he's 1) and we just let him stay up. Much less stressful than pacing the floor endlessly with a screaming baby. Usually it results in him going to bed a half hour or hour later 🤷🏻‍♀️ I don't see the harm. His routine is solid and he just potters quietly in the living room with us until he's ready.

purplemama1990 · 14/09/2022 17:03

@Smartergirl I never followed set intervals, just what I felt comfortable with. My little one still cried like crazy most of the time, but it gives a little breather in between constant consoling, both for you and baby! It won't be an instant fix to the problem, can take a week or more for baby to get used to this, but just another thing to try out I guess! You can also try just gently holding baby's hand while they are in the cot, or tapping them / rubbing tummy, but staying quiet otherwise so that it is a calm environment.

Original poster
Smartergirl · 14/09/2022 18:36

@HeyDiddleDaddle im trying to put her bed at a similar time every night to establish a routine, but I do try and follow her cues as well rubbing eyes and tugging ears etc. Honestly just don't know what it is about night time sleeping she doesn't like! 😢

OP posts:
naomisuissa · 14/09/2022 19:35

Maybe overtired? What's your schedule during the day? And do you give a bath before bed?

BertieBotts · 14/09/2022 19:40

Will she feed to sleep? I tend to feed mine to sleep and then place them down gently and most of the time they stay asleep.

Original poster
Smartergirl · 14/09/2022 19:52

@naomisuissa yep we bath before bed, schedule for the day is wake up, change bum, dress and feed. Play for a couple of hours, then first nap. Repeat another two times before we try and put her for final sleep at around half 8. Each nap varies between half an hour to an hour and a half.

OP posts:
Original poster
Smartergirl · 14/09/2022 19:56

@BertieBotts i used to breastfeed her to sleep but she was waking up so frequently during the night that I was becoming exhausted. So that's why her feeds are now during her wake windows and I am able to put her down for her naps without feeding her to sleep. We give her a formula bottle just before she's due to go off to sleep at night. Obviously making sure she's a clean nappy, and is burped.

OP posts:
naomisuissa · 14/09/2022 20:18

What's the gap between last sleep of the day and bedtime? And does she sleep through the night?

HeyDiddleDaddle · 14/09/2022 20:21

Smartergirl · 14/09/2022 18:36

@HeyDiddleDaddle im trying to put her bed at a similar time every night to establish a routine, but I do try and follow her cues as well rubbing eyes and tugging ears etc. Honestly just don't know what it is about night time sleeping she doesn't like! 😢

We have a solid routine but that doesn't mean that sometimes things change. Why pace up and down endlessly when she's so distressed? Take the pressure off everyone and just have a cosy evening together until she's genuinely tired.

Every night we have the same routine. Dinner at 5, bath at 6, quiet play with dimmed lights until half 7, supper then brush teeth and into sleeping bag for a bedtime story, bed at 8. Occasionally he's not ready for bed so it's back to the living room to quietly potter til half 8/9.

Everyone is calm, there's no screaming and crying, the routine is still well established. And, importantly, baby doesn't think bedtime is a battleground.

I can't pace up and down for hours with him. He's a tonne weight now. Everyone is less stressed if we don't force sleep.

Original poster
Smartergirl · 14/09/2022 20:52

@naomisuissa the gap is around 3-4hours, and for the most part she will sleep through the night, sometimes she'll wake up once or twice, but I will usually feed her then and she'll go straight back to sleep.

OP posts:
Original poster
Smartergirl · 14/09/2022 20:59

@HeyDiddleDaddle i understand completely where you are coming from, I just don't know if that is applicable in our situation? Like I said I'm trying to follow her cues and take her upstairs to bed when she's tired as she's rubbing her eyes.

Plus my partner works long hours so we would all like to be in bed ready for sleep by 9pm because he wakes up at 5am. And she's slept in bed with us from she was new born because she wouldn't sleep away from us/in her moses basket. So we were hoping to establish a good night time sleep routine with her to be able to transition her into her own sleep space away from us. Trying to take baby steps, but this baby step seems like a mission and a half 😢

OP posts:
WooWooWinnie · 14/09/2022 21:02

We had this until one day, when DD was around 3 months old, I read an article about “the chronically overtired baby” and I was like….that sounds like my baby….

Now she’s nearly 5 months old and I make sure she naps every 1.5-2.5 hours. Now she goes to sleep at night without screaming 90% of the time. Might just be co-incidence, but trying to encourage earlier bedtime/more daytime sleep might work? It has seemed for us that the more she sleeps, the better she sleeps.

WooWooWinnie · 14/09/2022 21:04

Smartergirl · 14/09/2022 20:59

@HeyDiddleDaddle i understand completely where you are coming from, I just don't know if that is applicable in our situation? Like I said I'm trying to follow her cues and take her upstairs to bed when she's tired as she's rubbing her eyes.

Plus my partner works long hours so we would all like to be in bed ready for sleep by 9pm because he wakes up at 5am. And she's slept in bed with us from she was new born because she wouldn't sleep away from us/in her moses basket. So we were hoping to establish a good night time sleep routine with her to be able to transition her into her own sleep space away from us. Trying to take baby steps, but this baby step seems like a mission and a half 😢

Cross post….I know it’s hard to predict but I would say you want the bedtime routine to be well underway by the time she is rubbing her eyes, otherwise she’s overtired by the end of it.

HeyDiddleDaddle · 14/09/2022 21:11

@Smartergirl

Don't beat yourself up over it. They change constantly. Yes it would be nice to get to bed at the time you want but nothing is predictable with a baby and I think it's less stressful to just go with the flow and not over-analyse the reasons for all the infuriating things they do. It could be completely different in a month or next week or even tomorrow.

If she's showing that she's tired and ready for bed then yes, that's different to what I'm saying. But you may never know the reason she's like this at the moment. It's a phase and it will pass. Could be teeth. Could be that she's going through a developmental leap. My son always seems quite restless in the run up to learning a new skill. I think their little brains go haywire processing everything.

You and your partner need to look after each other and go easy on each other and remember that your wee one is constantly changing. In a few weeks you'll be agonising over something new. I would advise sticking to a (loose) routine. We always have dinner, bath, supper, bedtime stories no matter what. The times may change and we keep it flexible but this means he always has the signals that we're winding down to bed no matter what happens.

naomisuissa · 14/09/2022 21:36

Smartergirl · 14/09/2022 20:52

@naomisuissa the gap is around 3-4hours, and for the most part she will sleep through the night, sometimes she'll wake up once or twice, but I will usually feed her then and she'll go straight back to sleep.

3-4 hours sounds long and I agree with PP she sounds overtired. My baby is same age and wakes from last nap around 4:30 pm and we start bed time routine 6:30 pm/6:45 pm. I'm feeding him by around 7 pm/7:15 pm in dark room (after bath and massage) and he's asleep by 7:30 pm. Suggest you try few days of earlier bed time and see if it helps

Redwood500 · 14/09/2022 21:43

She sounds really overtired. I have a 5 month old (almost 6) and he can do between 90 - 120 minutes awake MAX. He would lose it doing 3 - 4 hours. Rubbing eyes and touching ears is quite a late sign and probably already overtired. Bedtime should be no more than 2 hours after last nap, I would move bedtime a lot earlier, around 6.30pm. Then dreamfeed if needed around 10.30pm.

If you put her down before she’s overtired, she should be able to self settle. Sometimes if mine isn’t settling, I just gently hold his arm down until he’s asleep. It stops him jerking himself awake. The travel suction black out blinds are also great to completely darken the room. Also, like other people have said my kids have always been worse if I try walk around/rock/pat etc. sometimes they just want to be put down.

good luck, hope things improve soon

BertieBotts · 14/09/2022 21:53

Has stopping feeding her to sleep actually solved the problem of waking up? I don't believe that feeding them to sleep causes them to wake up, I think that's a myth sold by sleep trainers who want to use guilt to sell you things.

I would not stop something that works. Or if it did work you've swapped one problem for another problem!

HeyDiddleDaddle · 14/09/2022 21:58

Agree with PP, thinking back to 5 months old mine was on 3 naps a day so up to 4 hours between naps is too long.

E.g. (just as a rough idea)

Wake 7am
Nap 9am
Nap 12 noon
Nap 3pm
Bed 7pm

She'll be way overtired. If there's 3-4 hours between naps then you're only fitting 2 naps in a day. That's what we have and mine is 1. So he wakes at 8, naps for 40 mins to an hour at 11, naps for up to 2 hours at 3, then dinner and countdown to bed from 5 o'clock to 8 o'clock.