Possible autism

[r2d21]

4yo son has just started nursery, he’s cried every day so far at drop off but we’ve only started recently. He can settle when I leave which is reassuring. He’s an only child. I’ve now been told he’s being observed for a few things. He has a bit of an American twang at times. We put it down to watching American kids shows, laughed it off and correct him. I imagined he’d grow out of it. He was late to talk just after 3 so we were just happy he was actually talking and didn’t care how it sounded! Apparently he’s finding it hard to share, transition from different activities, wants everything his way, covers his ears a lot, doesn’t like noise etc. He is very sociable, will talk to anyone that he sees and makes eye contact. I have to drop him off at times we’re there’s no crowds of parents / kids as he hates it. Would you be concerned about any of this or is it normal behaviour? (Which I thought it was!)

I'm absolutely no expert, but if he's only just started nursery at 4yo, and is an only child, I would imagine at least some of these behaviours are just about him getting used to existing alongside other children in a childcare setting. My DS is also 4 and an only, but has been in nursery for three years and has now just started school. Some of these behaviours I still see in him (occasional American twang - something I've seen in some of his friends as well), at times finds it hard to share, often wants things his own way, sometimes dislikes loud noises. Also sometimes struggles with transitions, though he has been getting better at all of these things. Had he only just started nursery recently I'm sure he would struggle much more with them. Have the nursery raised concerns with you? How much time has he previously spent around other kids?

@ludocris thanks so much for your reply. He's been at soft plays and play places a lot. He seemed to get on fine with other children. He never seemed to have any issues with sharing (from outside the norm). This would be his first time of really playing with kids his age every single day. I was kind of shocked that he was sort of 'standing out' for these things in his class. They did say it was early days but obviously he's standing out to them. Now I'm starting to second guess everything! Suppose we'll just have to wait and see what they say.

Sorry to hear you're worried, I know the feeling well.

My experience tells me that they are probably on to something, I don't think nursery workers take the decision to tell parents about issues lightly, and also it's so insightful to see children in a setting like that.

It's hard to know what to do about it, but I'd suggest you encourage them to be open and honest with you about how he develops.

I think it depends how it's been presented to you. Was it along the lines of 'we are wondering whether there might be some particular needs we need to investigate' or was it a case of them just saying to you that he's not been sharing or has been struggling with transitions?

@ludocris I just asked was there any concerns and was told the accent and then she went on to say that he's struggling with certain things (that can be signs of autism) but it's early days etc. I can't take him to the doc I've to prise him out of the car, same for hairdressers, I've to hold him down. He's so frightened. I just thought it was normal. Will see how he gets on.

Well as I say, I'm no expert. But my son doesn't exactly leap for joy at going to the doctors - I have to bribe him if there's going to be a jab or a blood test. And we've never had his hair cut at a hairdressers - his dad does it. Lots of children don't like these things.

I'm not saying there's nothing going on but I would agree that it's early days and the things you describe don't sound particularly unusual for a sensitive child.

@r2d21 tbh your nursery doesn't sound very professional to be saying such things to you so soon after your DS has started! How qualified are the staff? Most of the things you've mentioned would be regarded as 'normal' for a child who's just started Nursery and who doesn't have siblings such as wanting things his own way, not wanting to share and not being used to noise! I would give him some more time and not stress out about it as Nurseries carry out observations on all children as part of the job and certainly wouldn't mention potential concerns this early on!

@CadburyCrunchy @ludocris thank you both I agree