Is this the reason ? 5 year old behaviour

[Itsnevertheend]

Since going back to school 5 year old DD has started the ‘I’m scared’ at bedtime. The first day she was back at school that evening this started again. She’s done this before and when she was a few years younger we would sit with her until she fell asleep. She knows this but we don’t do this anymore . We usually have tea later in the evening but sometimes will have tea with her.

So at school there are two ‘friends’ she classes as her best friends However one doesn’t treat her nicely, takes the other friend away and DD ends up playing alone . Not all the time but to her it’s clearly enough to upset her most days at school. It started the day she went back and I’m thinking , does she not get enough attention at school and need this extra attention at home. For the school holidays she didn’t do this as she was with me every single day.

when she does this at bed time, I go back in and she’s smirking so it’s not real fears she just knows what to do to get her way. I’m now refusing to give into this.

this makes sense to me, lack of attention etc . Would this be plausible?

It sounds plausible, but there’s no need to guess. At 5 you can start having pretty decent conversations about emotions in my experience (my DD is also 5 and has her share of playground upsets). A book I love for this is “How to Talk so Little Kids Will Listen, and Listen So Little Kids Will Talk.”

I might start a conversation with something like “I notice you’ve been upset at bedtime the last few nights. You weren’t upset at bedtime before. What has changed?”

If that doesn’t open her up, you could try: “my goodness, I remember the first few days of school when I was your age. I always had so much fun seeing my friends and meeting my teacher, but I was also sad that the summer was over and I had less time with my parents and my brother. How have you been feeling?”

Or sometimes asking about OTHER people can help make your kid feel less on the spot. “how are your friends liking your new class? Are your friends playing nicely with each other?” I’ve learned a ton about my DD’s friendship dynamics that way (though I still take everything with a pinch of salt).

I have the most luck with these conversations lying with her on her bed at the end of the day. Sometimes also on weekends, if I take her out for a hot chocolate, just the two of us. Though she prefers silly conversations then. :-)

Thank you for the reply. I will try these approaches . Most the time she’s generally ok with opening up to me and it’s clear it’s connected to school.

I think the frustration for me is that she thinks I don’t know what she’s trying to do with this ‘routine’ she’s decided to create.

im going in ! Wish me luck 🍀