Postpartum anxiety - can switching from breastfeeding to formula help?

[Sadandanxiousmum]

Hello, new here to mumsnet. Very stressed and anxious and looking for some advice.

My daughter is 5 weeks old. I am currently bf with no physical issues. When she was born I got bad postpartum anxiety (specifically related to sleep) which ended up getting me re-admitted to hospital for 2 nights 7 days postpartum and put on anti anxiety meds as I hadn’t slept at all in 6 nights and was in a crisis.

Since then I had some short term medication (oxazepam) which I took for about a week until I was calm enough to fall asleep on my own. I took it late at night and went to bed on my own upstairs whilst DH did a bottle of EBM so I could get about 3-4 hours sleep which was working well. I’ve been off these for about 3 weeks (with me and DH doing the same sleep/bottle routine) however the anxiety has crept back in giving me insomnia and driving me to insanity so I found myself having to use them again yesterday (but with limited effect, which stressed me out more).

I think my anxiety is triggered by DD who is an incredibly unsettled baby - she cries ALL. THE. TIME. for no discernible reason and resists sleep. She barely gets 12 hrs a day is awake for hours at a time during the day crying (we try to enforce sleep at the end of wake windows with all the usual techniques but she does not sleep or quickly wakes, usually from gas). Maybe she has colic, maybe reflux (we are trying gaviscon) but medical or professionals all say she’s ‘fine’. We, meanwhile are slowly going insane.

Anyway my question is: has anyone had experience with postpartum anxiety and found that switching to formula helped? My thinking is that my anxiety, which is mostly related to sleep (although it is now creeping into social occasions) may be exacerbated by being solely responsible for her feeding, constantly being ‘on call’ etc. It is also certainly made worse by her incessant crying.

My main concern with switching is with her constant crying - she is often settled by BF, which she wants as often as every hour-1.5hrs, but if we switch to formula this option will be taken away.

Advice gratefully received, I am a mess.

Firstly, congratulations on your new baby, and well done for breastfeeding, it isn’t easy at all. Sorry that you are going through this, it sounds rough. I also found becoming a parent a massive change and felt very upset by the crying in those early days and not getting enough sleep was just brutal. I completely underestimated it all.

I very nearly gave up breastfeeding a few times - I hated how it was all on me. Now a year on I’m glad I didn’t stop - it is so good for sleep, naps, comfort etc.

Best thing to do is to take it one day at a time and don’t give up on a bad day. I also started co sleeping around the 3 month mark, which worked really well with breastfeeding (side lying, it’s a game changer!) once I got used to it. After a few weeks it got to the point where I barely woke when feeding at night and he settled instantly. I now sleep really well most nights and the cuddles are just so lovely (plus being close to you is just what your baby needs to feel safe and we noticed our baby seemed a lot happier once we started cosleeping, I only wish we had started sooner).

Hope that helps and that things get better for you soon.

I also coslept & did side lying feeding from about 4weeks. It really helped to get some sleep.
Otherwise a sling can help during the day if theyre unsettled a lot.
It is normal for an ebf baby to feed every 1.5hrs.
It's really tough
You could combi feed but I wouldn't switch if it it otherwise going OK with BF.

I also ebf and coslept from 6 weeks. Prior to that my ppa was off the roof. It did help diminish it but not completely go. I would say if breastfeeding is making you really anxious prioritise your mental health. Maybe try introducing a formula bottle at night so you can get some sleep?

Be aware that crashing hormones might make you feel a lot worse if you stop breastfeeding. Just something to be aware of.

I suffered with PPA, I remember how anxious I was that every feed was down to me & even now I remember the feeling of knowing evening / nighttime was getting closer and I'd be up for hours breastfeeding. One night after almost 5 hours my DS was still very unsettled, I found some pre made bottles i'd taken to the hospital & gave him one, he fell asleep as soon as he'd finished it. I felt incredibly guilty but the relief that my DH could help was huge & really did help my anxiety. After that I combi fed for a while but expressing wasn't a success so he went onto formula all of the time.
I hope you find something that works for you

Aw, you poor thing! BF is a lot harder than you think, isn't it!

I'm not saying stop or don't stop, but you may find in a couple of weeks that she starts to settle and stops crying so much. For us the meltdowns stopped after 5-6 weeks. Then hopefully your anxiety will calm down a bit!

As to feeding every hour; that's totally normal. I think there's a growth spurt around this time? It's mind-numbingly tedious, but if you stick to it it does get better. Mine was about 6 or 7 months when he was finally able to go more than 2 hours without a feed.

Good luck!

Thank you everyone. I’m going to hold out for a few more weeks and dearly hope the crying gets better. I’m going to speak to the GP about starting some new medication, probably antidepressants, which I understand also help with anxiety. I know I shouldn’t wish the weeks away but I am.

Hi OP, just to say I had the insomnia the same as you and god I know that feeling of being awake night after night so incredibly stressed and feeling like you're going insane, it really is horrendous, so please take comfort in knowing that I know where you've been with that xxx
As for the breastfeeding, I can't say much on that because I switched to formula on day 7, I just couldn't deal with the pain of it but I do have small nipples which didn't help.
I took mirtazapine and diazepam with helped, then I came off the diazepam and still take mirtazapine now.
Just remember OP you will absolutely get through this, it's just one of those crazy things about having babies, they make some of us anxious and a bit wired for a while but I promise you it gets better, hang in there, I'm sure you're doing a great job.

And sorry I know I haven't said much for the breastfeeding side of things but I found letting my DH take over nights for a while really allowed me to prioritise sleep for a while x

For me it did, I was never prescribed anything though (but I also never admitted I needed help). My baby was the same, constant crying, constant feeding. I was broken!
I wish I’d just given myself a break and realised that I’d tried, and that sometimes things don’t work out how you plan. I did 6 weeks of BF, then mix fed (might be worth a try) then finally stopped at 4 months. I felt so guilty at the time, but after a few days of formula only I felt like a new woman. From memory I did most the night feeds still, but my partner would do the first AM feed and last PM feed so I could sleep either side. But the best bit for me was just by being able to cook dinner by myself, or pop to the shops in the evening and just get a bit of space.

Im not saying you should stop, that’s entirely your choice, but I’m just reassuring you that I did and nothing bad happened. My son is now nearly 2 and I love him SO much, he’s awesome. I connected with motherhood the most when I got myself back a little bit. I’m very pro breastfeeding but I now realise I’m pro looking after your own sanity as well 💐

Do whatever you think may help you. You may be better for having a three or four hour bottle feeding routine so your not constantly feeding Try not to let the crying get to you too much I know it's really hard but sometimes they cry because they are just bored and there's not much else they can do ! It all settles down eventually and won't harm the baby atall. My mother in law used to say it was good because she was getting lots of air into her lungs. It helped me because I saw it as a good thing instead of a bad thing pop earplugs in if it helps. Good luck and I hope it gets easier soon bless you