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Parenting

For free parenting resources please check out the Early Years Alliance's Family Corner.

So worried…

26 replies

MamaToAron · 11/09/2022 16:56

Hello fellow mummys!

Quick warning - it’ll be a long read!

I am looking for some advice/experience re my little boy - I’m worried he’s showing signs of being on the spectrum and it gives me so much anxiety, I feel physically sick most days.

I know nobody can diagnose here and that’s not what I’m expecting, I’m just after some advice if anyone experienced anything similar and everything turned out to be ok (or not) or if anyone here happens to be a professional in the area their views whether we should be pushing harder or even try and fork out for private assessments - I already spoke to HV and speech and language but they are not willing to do anything just yet.

What my little boy does:

  • He listens to his name (not always but I would say more often than not)
  • He understand what we tell him and can follow instructions, such as put it in the bin, put your shoes away, socks off, etc. (although he does chose when he wants to listen to them haha..)
  • He points at everything pretty much
  • He can wave but again, more on his terms not necessarily in the appropriate social context, although it feels like he’s getting it now and started doing it more when we say hi/bye (BUT! he only started doing this after he turned 18 months, no waving before)
  • He can clap
  • He likes to play peekaboo, he can do some basic pretend play such as feeding his teddy, pretending to talk on the phone
  • He’s an amazing sleeper, we just put him down, leave his room and he’s out in 2 minutes, sleeping all night 7-7
  • He often copies what we do
  • He knows some actions to nursery rhymes but it’s limited, and he only really engages with them if he’s in his high chair/bath/getting changed, otherwise he’s pretty much constantly on the move
  • He can walk - he has been walking for a long time holding on to our hands but only started walking completely independently on the day he turned 18 months
  • I would say he has good eye contact most of the time
  • He mostly plays with toys appropriately. He does like switching lights and spinning things but not obsessively (occasionally and for short period of time)
  • He is very social, loves other people (kids and adults). He is quite wary of them first if he doesn’t know them but warms up to new people quickly.

What he doesn’t do:

  • He doesn’t talk. In the last couple of weeks he started saying car, ta-ta when waving bye and oh-oh when something falls down but that’s it, no animal sounds either.
  • He doesn’t really bring toys up to us to share interest. He is perfectly happy playing with them on his own - does occasionally look at us but if feels like he’s perfectly content being on his own.
  • I don’t think he looks at us when he hears an unusual sound or he doesn’t turn if I turn my head (he looks if I point at things)

Other things I’m concerned about:

  • In the last few weeks he started rolling his eyes/glancing out from the corner of his eye occasionally
  • He occasionally twirls his fingers - mostly when he’s reaching for something but I noticed on other occasions as well.

I spoke to nursery but they say they have no concerns about him whatsoever, even though he can’t talk he communicates well, he loves other kids, takes part in activities, etc.

He’s 18 months old.

If you managed to get this far thank you so much ❤️

OP posts:
beccahamlet · 11/09/2022 16:59

I think he sounds fine. Loads of kids don't talk at that age. The other stuff all sounds in the normal range. Enjoy him and try to stop worrying.

GoAround · 11/09/2022 17:00

I’d maybe get his hearing checked if he’s not speaking much or reacting to unusual noises. I’m not an expert but my youngest is 18 months and nothing else you’ve said would concern me!

Comedycook · 11/09/2022 17:09

In the nicest possible way I think you need to seek help for your anxiety.

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about these subjects:

Imicola · 11/09/2022 17:11

Sounds fine. My DD didn't really speak until she turned 2, just babbling until then and occasional words.

Chattycathydoll · 11/09/2022 17:20

Even if he was on the spectrum it’s hardly the end of the world. My ASD brother has a group of friends, a girlfriend, got an impressive degree from a RG uni and from that a a great job. He’s doing better than me in a lot of ways 😂

Whether he has it or not doesn’t matter, your anxiety is more of an issue here.

MamaToAron · 11/09/2022 17:21

@Comedycook you are right and that’s something I’m looking into separately. Thinking back I think I’ve had a level of anxiety since he was born following two miscarriages and an emergency C-section with him, but it has massively intensified since the last time the hv came and said he might be autistic because he’s not speaking yet but she can’t do anything about it due to his age.. 🙄

OP posts:
PeanutMandMs8 · 11/09/2022 17:23

I was reading your post and wondering what age he was that you were concerned. I thought maybe 2-3. At 18 months I wouldn't be worried. Not to say there won't be any issues but I don't think anything stands out too much. Although there are a couple of things - was he a crawler? Could he move independently before starting to walk independently? My kids who crawled more took longer to walk. And the hearing is something you should maybe consider getting checked out. If he doesn't turn when you look at something is he more interested in looking at you maybe?

If you do continue to have concerns then I would think about having him assessed. My son is autistic and he wasn't diagnosed till much older, I was concerned for a while and spoke to teachers who said he didn't display any signs, but I knew my son better and should have followed my gut instinct.

whatyousayin · 11/09/2022 17:23

My little boy is also 18m and doing pretty much everything you have listed, and I have zero concern at all about his development. Take to take a deep breathe and enjoy him. There's already enough to worry about as a parent 🤪

MamaToAron · 11/09/2022 17:26

@Chattycathydoll i know you are absolutely right, the only thing that scares me is the unknown - I used to work with people in the spectrum but they were severely impacted and needed significant support, I believe that’s what makes me so anxious. You are also right about my anxiety, see above my response to that.

All I was really trying to get out of this is whether we should be pushing for an assessment or not, if needed I want to give him all the support he needs as soon as possible.

OP posts:
laralou28 · 11/09/2022 17:28

Chattycathydoll · 11/09/2022 17:20

Even if he was on the spectrum it’s hardly the end of the world. My ASD brother has a group of friends, a girlfriend, got an impressive degree from a RG uni and from that a a great job. He’s doing better than me in a lot of ways 😂

Whether he has it or not doesn’t matter, your anxiety is more of an issue here.

Totally agree with you here! My
Son is on the spectrum and he's the best thing that ever happened to me his personality is much better than most neurotypical people in this world

mynameiscalypso · 11/09/2022 17:32

HVs have so much to answer for. Nursery staff see him day in and day out (and his peers) so I would always trust them. DS is 3 and has always been a bit delayed in his speech but it's just who he is (he's definitely quiet/introverted in personality). He barely spoke before two and even then it was mainly people's names.

autienotnaughty · 11/09/2022 17:41

I have a son with asd and have worked with asd children. Nothing you said sounds out of ordinary for 18m. Do some speech work if your concerned- lots of naming items, simple speech. Naming cards are good especially ones with photo pictures rather than drawings. We use to do a posting game, look at the card, name it (you at first, then hopefully at some point him) then post it. (Cardboard box with a slit. )

Mummy2r · 11/09/2022 17:44

Sounds pretty normal for his age

MamaToAron · 11/09/2022 17:47

@PeanutMandMs8 he was crawling for ages, and was super fast! Even once he could take steps independently he preferred to crawl, he was just much quicker to get around that way, so we always had to hold his hand to encourage walking.

I’m waiting for an appointment for a hearing test as I know that’s the first thing they’d like to rule out anyways, so fingers crossed we won’t have to wait for that too long ☺️

OP posts:
girlgonenorth · 11/09/2022 17:58

He sounds completely normal, my two sons didn’t talk at 18 months and are not ASD, he sounds that he has good communication from what you describe

MolliciousIntent · 11/09/2022 18:54

Ignore the HV, they're all morons in my experience.

MsChatterbox · 11/09/2022 18:58

My son is waiting for the official diagnoses of autism...

Like you the thought of it really made me feel down. But now that we're here I feel happy to have a diagnosis hopefully soon so he will receive the support he needs. I'm not worried about him having autism because I feel like with the right support he can grow up to have a perfectly happy life.

So just saying if down the line he does have it it may not be as bad as you think.

MsChatterbox · 11/09/2022 19:00

It terms of whether you should be pushing for an assessment. I think leave it until preschool and if you think at that point he may be then do push for this. I say this because once you get to primary school the waiting list is ridiculous. Preschool is very quick a matter of months really.

chocolatemmmmm · 11/09/2022 19:39

He sounds absolutely lovely OP, and it sounds like you are doing a great job with him. As a previous poster said I thought you were going to say he was about 3yo, at 18 months i think his development sounds on track.

ipswichwitch · 11/09/2022 19:49

My oldest is not autistic and didn’t really start talking until he was at least 2.5 yr old. My youngest is autistic and was talking from 18mo, and in full sentences by 2yr old.

nothing you’ve mentioned particularly stands out as out of the ordinary. nursery have no concerns, they see him more often then the hv, who is really just going off a snapshot of his behaviour. Keep an open mind, and maybe get some help for the anxiety. Enjoy your little boy, he sounds lovely!

mistermagpie · 11/09/2022 19:54

He sounds completely normal to me. I've got 2, 5 and 7 year olds and none of them really spoke before about two. My daughter is nearly three and he speech is really really good but she basically said nothing until she turned two.

Everything else you listed is all absolutely stuff I could have listed about mine and none of them is autistic (at least as far as I know!). That's not to say he doesn't have it, but there is nothing you've said that suggests anything other than a 'normal' (sorry, you know what I mean) baby of that age.

In the kindest way, you are really overanalysing this stuff, it's not especially helpful to him or to you and so I would try to just enjoy him and see how he develops as he gets older.

MamaToAron · 13/09/2022 15:21

whatyousayin · 11/09/2022 17:23

My little boy is also 18m and doing pretty much everything you have listed, and I have zero concern at all about his development. Take to take a deep breathe and enjoy him. There's already enough to worry about as a parent 🤪

That’s very reassuring, thank you! I wasn’t overly concerned about the language aspect just yet because we speak three languages in the family so I thought that would have an impact, but his eye rolling/side glancing started to concern me, plus he sometimes zones out (for example when he wakes up in the morning he doesn’t shout for us just sits in his bed looking at something..) I guess it’s a bit of a waiting game though so I just need to try and relax for now

OP posts:
MamaToAron · 13/09/2022 15:25

I definitely am overanalysing, you are absolutely right! As I mentioned above in response to another post I think what started getting me more and more concerned were the sensory things we started noticing lately, but you are right it does have a negative impact on our everyday life at the moment so I need to sort myself out haha.. 🙃

OP posts:
Wnikat · 13/09/2022 15:27

He’s fine and even if he was on the spectrum feeling sick with anxiety most days would not be an appropriate response.

Numbat2022 · 13/09/2022 15:37

He sounds fine. My son didn't talk until two weeks before he turned 18 months, then he suddenly started and seemed to learn a new word every day. He's now 3.5 and doesn't shut up 😂

By contrast, I have a friend whose daughter is on the autism pathway at 2.5 - she still isn't really speaking, has lost the words/sounds she did have and only recently started walking. It may not be autism, but it's been clear since she was quite small that there was something going on.

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