Stopping swimming lessons for 5yo DD

[Ilovechocolate87]

Dd is 5 years old, she began swimming lessons about 6 months ago, as she loves swimming, was keen to go and we thought she was ready for the structure and independence of having lessons.

Afew weeks back we swapped from a hectic Tuesday afternoon session to Saturday mornings for various reasons... i am going to be working Tuesdays soon,it saves having to take baby DD2 along aswell, DD1 isn't tired after a day at school, and DH/me can alternate taking her every other week so each of us have some 1-1 time with her.
She is currently stage 1, so the lessons are fairly informal with the teacher in the pool too with only afew children, playtime at the end etc.

DH has commented a couple of times now including yesterday, that when he takes her he has noticed the instructor repeatedly calling her name to try and get her attention as she is not listening.I have noticed it abit aswell and that she does 'mess about' alot wanting to do her own thing.I feel i have to keep a close eye on her to make sure she is safe as she is constantly going under the water etc.She seems to have got abit 'overconfident'.
She struggles alot with too much structure and gets bored easily....she is currently awaiting an ADHD assessment.
I rung the teacher to inform her of that fact after the recent issues, not because i think there's anything she should/could do differently, more because i just felt she should be aware, but obviously she is limited in what she can do to adjust to DD as she has about 4 other children in the group to supervise and teach aswell.
She did say on the phone that DD's swimming is coming on 'beautifully' though.

After yesterday's session, DH gently asked DD about her not listening, and she then said she likes swimming but doesn't like the lessons and just wants to go with mummy and daddy instead.I was suprised by this as she has always been excited about going to the lessons, liked the teacher and enjoyed learning new skills.

We would never 'force' her to keep going
if she really doesn't like it (it's meant to be a fun hobby after all!) I was forced to play the violin as a child and it just put me off it even more, so was a total waste of time and money, and made me resentful of my Dad for making me do it.
However I also want to encourage her to persist with things and not give up too easily, and it just seems abit of a shame as she has been getting on well.

So I don't know if we should encourage her to go for another few weeks, just to be sure she won't change her mind and then if she still doesn't like it, pull her out and maybe try again when she is older and has better concentration/ more patience, or whether doing so would make her feel we aren't listening to her.

There isn't really an answer. Swimming is a lifeskill but one she can learn at later date. One of my kids learned at 6, another who is nearly 6 is still learning and the just turned 3 year old swims amazingly. All went to lessons but all had varying degrees of listening skill. The eldest has autism and ADHD so struggles to follow instruction taking him ourselves a lot on top helped

This. The dc learned to swim very well without paid instruction. If you or dh are strong, confident swimmers, there's no actual need to pay for an instructor. You may prefer having formal lessons, and if so, fair enough.

There is a difference between hating things and just not being very enthusiastic about them. I made my DC do lots of stuff over the summer - sports camps, woodcraft days etc. - some of which they weren't very enthusiastic about, because I was ill, pregnant and trying to work and it was much better for DC than sitting in the house all day watching TV. I probably wouldn't have made DC go back to anything if they had been actually crying or distressed at the prospect, but it was more "X is boring" or "They're always telling me what to do at Y".

In your DD's case, it sounds like she doesn't hate the lessons but they're not her favourite thing and she prefers messing about in the pool with you. So I'd make her continue them, I'm afraid - like everyone has said, it's a useful life skill, it's a good way for her to get in some extra physical activity each week and you can always do extra swimming with her as a family if you have the time.

Why can't you teach her yourself?

Seriously it is not that difficult if you are a decent swimmer.

She can keep learning the basics with you and when she is a bit older she can do some classes to improve her technique.

6 months of lessons (with a very small group) and still stage 1 says she is not coming along beautifully.

My son has developmental Co-ordination disorder and adhd amongst other things and started formal lessons age 6. He was the same messing around, missing verbal instructions (noise in room, simply needs his attention confirmed before being given instructions) and still made it to about stage 3 fairly quickly.

He moved to 1-1 lessons which yes were expensive but he is such a brilliant swimmer now.

I wonder if a break and then start next summer with a few months of 1-1 lessons would be better. Especially as she's asking for a break now.

If she's really not enjoying it and messing around, and you know you will be able to get lessons easily when she is ready...

Look at the syllabus for the first few stages, and incorporate bits in your trips to the pool with her. Teach her to blow bubbles, push off, float, kick etc. My younger DD started in Stage 4 at 6yo. (Unfortunately two months before Covid hit! But had been on track to progress on quickly before that).

My DD was like this at 5, we were so annoyed at how she messed about we were discussing pulling her from lessons, but then COVID hit and then after a year break they let us back in with parents in the pool. This allowed dh to keep her in line during the lesson. That lasted for about 6 months and now she's back in the pool age 7 and doing brilliantly. She listens well and is swimming far better than me at 40! She can do butterfly even and my attempt made me look like a drowning hippo!

Swimming is a life skill that for me is none negotiable, until the point where I (and their teacher) are confident they could support themselves, should they fall into a body of water by accident.
I completely understand where you're coming from with regards to not wanting to force her given your history with violin, my mother insisted I do gymnastics as she has done, and I HATED it!

We wasted a bloody fortune putting kids through swimming lessons too young. Neither of them really cracked it until they had 1-2-1 lessons aged 7-8. That was after spunking tons of money on all sizes of group classes from age 4 and them really not getting it for ages. All that faff, every week, and a big waste of money. Both can swim fine now, but they were just too young and not all that focused or co-ordinated. Let them and yourself off. It's not like you're leaving them alone in any perilous water scenarios after all.

Thanks all, for your helpful and varied replies! I've taken on board everyone's advice and opinions, and DH and I have agreed that we would like to encourage her to keep going for the time being, but will also make more of an effort to go family swimming so she can just have fun without the structure too, and perhaps she may then feel more able to focus in lessons as she knows she can also have time separately to just play about in the water with us.She enjoys practicing what she has learnt, and I think it would be a shame to stop as she has made alot of progress since starting, has always seemed keen to go, and I worry it would set her back if she had to give up then go again later on.Also a good point about if she did have to restart she might be not in groups with her peers the same age.

She isn't scared or upset about going (if she was i would be thinking very differently) and tbh she can often get abit 'I don't want to do it' once the novelty wears off with something.
I don't want to encourage her to 'throw in the towel' and not persist to acheive/overcome/learn things every time the novelty wears off, or something gets abit less exciting/more challenging.
She may have a patch of being like that, then be fine again.

So we will keep her going for now and see how things progress :)

You are overthinking it. I'm glad you are continuing the lessons.

The swimming pool for her, up until recently, was a play area, where she would do whatever she wanted and have fun. All of a sudden, it is the same area minus the fun. So add the fun to it. After the 30 min lesson, there will be 30 min fun.

Think of it as if suddenly , the playground at the park was no longer about slide and swings, but a boot camp.

She wanted to do swimming lesson thinking that it might be like learning to ride a bike, a few hours and bang you know how to do it. However swimming takes wayyyyyyyyyyyyy longer and now that she has discovered that she won't be good at it quickly, it has a bit lost its shine.

And don't even think about doing the fun swim before the lesson, only after

Eldest wouldn't do group lessons either (she has ASD). 121s worked beautifully for her although cost a fortune for a while. It does depend on the teacher though- she did well with a firm middle aged woman but less well with a younger guy who commanded less authority.

My youngest is nearly 6, so everything has been very covidy, but I took her swimming at least once a week and she swum herself across the pool at 3. She's having some lessons now but can swim 50 meters easily.

However, I'm a good, strong swimmer and felt confident to supervise them both in the pool. We've always swum a lot as a family. I didn't have lessons- went straight to squad swimming at 9- I grew up by the sea and it was sort of assumed we would all teach ourselves. Just do lots of pool time, get some sinking toys to pick up and a noodle and muck about.

If he is ND he may also find the pool atmosphere difficult during lessons? It's usually very hectic, echoy and noisy, hot and packed with stressed parents and kids. Try a quieter time maybe?

My daughter gained much more in strength and confidence with swimming from messing around in a pool on holiday than she ever did from lessons. There's loads of time for her to learn all the strokes and techniques IF she is genuinely interested in swimming at a high level.

The lie that is sold to parents is that being an expert swimmer is a life skill. In fact all they really need is to be a strong enough swimmer to be able to enjoy the water with their friends safely eg as a teenager.

Totally agree @BeyondMyWits

To add my tuppence worth to your posts - and jumping in lakes etc is of course much more fun than lessons but much more safe when children can swim!
OP - swimming is a life skill. If her behaviour is not holding back others in the class from learning, I’d keep sending her.

Can you afford 1:1 lessons? They’re more expensive but, IME they learn to swim so much faster (so you might save money over the long term).

See I would encourage her to carry on. As mentioned already it is an essential skill that could one day save her life. From what you have said it doesn't sound like she hates it as you said she is usually happy to go. I would remind her to try her best at listening and to be honest not bring the subject of carrying on up with her unless she mentions it herself.

There is a 6, nearly 7 year old in my child's stage 1 class. Everyone else is 4 (most having just turned 4). The teacher has told his parents they can no longer accommodate him because he is too old. Make sure your child isn't that child as swimming is a necessity

She's 5 yes? I pulled mine out about this age due to lockdowns etc and just about 8 months ago put them back in at stage one (6 & 8 yo) they are both stage 3 now. I also "swam" with them once a week outside off the lesson.

But that said, I'd persevere. It's slow gains when they are that small but once they can swim/manage however badly it's a huge relief. The younger they are water safe the better. My son was also overconfident - was the biggest worry. He'd jump in without me believing he could swim - he couldn't!

I'm a swimming teacher op I also have a child who is awaiting list for adhd and asd. He tried lessons and was overwhelmed he does struggle to listen and follow instructions. He's 6 now and likely be better on a one to one rather than group lessons. I take himself but I also let him lead he jumps in, he picks sinkers up and generally water confident. He even has a go a swimming abit. Put a pause on it and take her yourself abit it might be easier as she matures and you can always start her back up again. Feel free to pm for any advice.