Stopping swimming lessons for 5yo DD

[Ilovechocolate87]

Dd is 5 years old, she began swimming lessons about 6 months ago, as she loves swimming, was keen to go and we thought she was ready for the structure and independence of having lessons.

Afew weeks back we swapped from a hectic Tuesday afternoon session to Saturday mornings for various reasons... i am going to be working Tuesdays soon,it saves having to take baby DD2 along aswell, DD1 isn't tired after a day at school, and DH/me can alternate taking her every other week so each of us have some 1-1 time with her.
She is currently stage 1, so the lessons are fairly informal with the teacher in the pool too with only afew children, playtime at the end etc.

DH has commented a couple of times now including yesterday, that when he takes her he has noticed the instructor repeatedly calling her name to try and get her attention as she is not listening.I have noticed it abit aswell and that she does 'mess about' alot wanting to do her own thing.I feel i have to keep a close eye on her to make sure she is safe as she is constantly going under the water etc.She seems to have got abit 'overconfident'.
She struggles alot with too much structure and gets bored easily....she is currently awaiting an ADHD assessment.
I rung the teacher to inform her of that fact after the recent issues, not because i think there's anything she should/could do differently, more because i just felt she should be aware, but obviously she is limited in what she can do to adjust to DD as she has about 4 other children in the group to supervise and teach aswell.
She did say on the phone that DD's swimming is coming on 'beautifully' though.

After yesterday's session, DH gently asked DD about her not listening, and she then said she likes swimming but doesn't like the lessons and just wants to go with mummy and daddy instead.I was suprised by this as she has always been excited about going to the lessons, liked the teacher and enjoyed learning new skills.

We would never 'force' her to keep going
if she really doesn't like it (it's meant to be a fun hobby after all!) I was forced to play the violin as a child and it just put me off it even more, so was a total waste of time and money, and made me resentful of my Dad for making me do it.
However I also want to encourage her to persist with things and not give up too easily, and it just seems abit of a shame as she has been getting on well.

So I don't know if we should encourage her to go for another few weeks, just to be sure she won't change her mind and then if she still doesn't like it, pull her out and maybe try again when she is older and has better concentration/ more patience, or whether doing so would make her feel we aren't listening to her.

Swimming is an essential life skill so I'd persevere with it as far as possible. Playing the violin isn't, so in that case I'd junk it if she didn't like it.

You could pause and try again later, when she's a bit older but you don't want to leave it too long. Kids can get very sensitive about being outwith their cohort (or at least my shit swimmers did).

My local authority swimming lessons include additional needs lessons which are 1to1 or 1to2 - you might be able to access these if she gets an ADHD diagnosis.

I honestly wouldn't worry about it, pull her out if you feel she's not ready.
I got my kids lessons at age 7/8 instead as I felt they were ready & determined to learn at that older age (plus taller in the "big pool" so less nervous).
I opted them out of school swimming lessons too up until they learned how to swim at those ages.
Do what you feel is right.
She can learn when she's slightly older.

Swimming is much more than a fun hobby, it’s an essential life skill.

If you take her out of anything she finds it difficult to concentrate in how will she ever develop the skills and resilience to deal with it?

My children love swimming, but aren’t a fan of swimming lessons. They want to do their own thing and aren’t keen on the structure of lessons. However they have both been told they have to go until they can do 200m and then if they still don’t enjoy it they can’t stop. My 3 year old has 10m and my 5 year old has 25m so they have a way to go yet.

Swimming is far more important than violin.
However is she can't listen then maybe now isn't the right time/place.

Sounds the same as the organised chaos at DD (4) swimming lessons. 8 kids, 2 instructors (one in the water).

Parents of older kids I know have said similar to you, said they had no faith in the lessons to start with, but within a couple of terms, the kids are all swimming. Stick with it.

Like pp said, playing the violin is not a life skill, swimming is.

Could you see about fortnightly private lessons instead? Where we are the cost is about the same.

I caution against dropping lessons, we did for DS1 as ‘everyone’ told us he’d be too tired in Reception and it took several years to get a slot again.

I had this with my youngest. Ended up going into 1:1 lessons at a reduced rate (additional needs) which I really struggled to afford. As the pp states it’s an essential life skill so I was really keen to have him safe in the water. But, even 1:1 it just didn’t work for him. I’ve left it a bit and will hopefully restart maybe next year when he hopefully matures slightly (he’s 8). It is an important skill for them to have but, my sons instructor kept shouting at him, he has PDA so her approach just didn’t work. Hopefully next year I can find a teacher with better SEN experience. Good luck

I'd take her out and just spend time playing and getting her to enjoy being in the pool.
Could you afford lessons in smaller groups or 1:1? Or just leave it for maybe 6 months and try again.
DD went to the (pretty dire) local authority pool and school lessons and is a functional swimmer. Never any great love for it.
But there was another private pool which was excellent - small pool, warmer water, lower ratios or 1:1 that I would have liked to have afforded! Some of my friends kids went there and had a really positive experience.

My daughter finds concentrating and focussing difficult and would often do somersaults underwater instead of listening but I persevered because they were in a baby pool where she could touch the floor. She’s 6 now and still goes underwater sometimes when she should be listening but is progressing so well. It might be worth keeping her going so she gets used to the structure and develops the confidence. I watch my dd and touch my ear to remind her to listen to the instructor which helps

Also should have said, whilst DD loves her swimming lessons, she would much rather come swimming with me at any opportunity. But this is because over the summer swimming with me has been paddle boarding and jumping in the lake, or going to my friends private pool where she can play with her friends and with 2 generations of assorted pool toys. Of course that is more fun than swimming lessons!

I have been watching swimming lessons for 10 years as my lot have made their way through and she doesn’t sound that unusual for a stage one child. None of them are that good at listening, especially in a pool environment.
If she is progressing and going in fairly happily then I would keep going. As a pp says it can be tricky being 8 and in a stage one class.

My DS 5 has been going swimming for about 2 years and loves it. But we have the not listening problem. He likes to put his head under water and play around etc so he doesn't actually hear when the teacher calls his name. Just before he gets in for his lesson, i have to remind him: listening ears on, no head under water etc otherwise he forgets!! 🙄 plus swimming pools are a bit noisy and with a swim hat on, is it possible that she just doesn't heat the teacher?!

If she has mastered the basics then why not take her swimming yourselves and make it a fun activity for a while? It could be 1-1 with each parent, or as a family, or a mixture. When she is a bit older and more able to concentrate she could have lessons again.
It depends what you, and she, want out of swimming, - simply not drowning and enjoying splashing about in shallow water, or being able to swim lengths confidently with good technique in different strokes.

I'm not sure this is a great approach. My DD mastered the basics with me, whilst on the waiting list for lessons. Before starting lessons she could jump in to deep water with no fear and could swimming several meters under water beautifully, but struggled to swim on the surface, didn't use her arms enough/properly and couldn't get her head up to take a breath and carry on swimming. Swimming lessons are coordinating all this to make her a proper consistent swimmer.

We just taught the kids to swim and spent many hours together in swimming pools and water parks. We are a family that likes water.

They have never (not once) required a 25m swimming certificate.

It is only on MN where everything has to be taught by someone paid to do so.

Stop lessons, go swimming often, incorporate some "teaching moments" including how to listen in a noisy environment.

I'd stick with it.

Swimming is an important life skill, not really in the same category as playing the violin.

She doesn't sound like she hates it or is upset, just she'd rather swim with you. I imagine she'd rather hang out with you than go to school, but presumably she has to go to school? She'd probably rather stay up late and hang out with you than go to bed, but she has to go to bed too right?

If she's struggling it does make sense to leave it and wait for her to mature a bit, but do be aware what pp said about ending up being twice the age of everyone else in your swimming class.

Instead of giving up I'd probably explain to her why swimming is so important, how well she's doing, how pleased the teacher is and just really praise her up. Maybe take her yourself mid-week as well (or after her lesson on a Saturday) so she gets the fun swimming as well as the more structured lessons. That will also give her a chance to practice what she's learnt in the lesson.

I'd take her out of lessons for a while especially as she has said she doesn't like the lessons and just wants to swim as a family.

I cancelled my 6 year olds swimming lessons last year after trying both council sessions and private smaller group sessions. He's also awaiting asd/ADHD assessments and just cannot cope with the structure and follow instructions with other distractions.

With kindness I think you may be overthinking this. The teacher says her swimming is progressing. Like many 5 year olds she’d prefer unstructured to structured. None of this is unusual.

I’d continue with lessons, it’s likely that sometimes she’ll enjoy and other times she’ll say they’re a bit boring. You could take her yourself when you have time to do the fun stuff. In my experience kids who are progressing then stop lessons this early end up not progressing further or losing the skills and confidence they have.

My 9YO is autistic. I tried him with lessons for various things when he was younger and he just wasn't ready at that age.

He's recently started swimming lessons again after asking for them. He's still like your DC (wants to do his own thing and doesn't always listen). But he is much better than he was when he was 5YO and is making progress.

In your shoes, I would wait. Keep taking her swimming yourselves to build her confidence and keep her skills up. Then try again in a year or so. Six months is long enough for her to have given it a go before stopping it.

I stopped the lessons for DD at that age. She was totally miserable. I just took her myself and we enjoyed the time together and she learned to swim with my guidance.

MN isn't the place to ask whether you should stop swimming lessons. You'll always be told to persevere. I'm glad I didn't insist on formal lessons. She's now grown up and can swim like a fish. Go with your gut. If you don't think the time is right for your DDs just revisit when she's a bit older. You can always take her swimming for fun.

Can't you do both? Go in as a family after her lesson on a Saturday? Or any other time? She will make much better progress with an unstructured fun session to compliment her lesson.

My DS is 6.5 and has been doing proper lessons since he was about 4 and 3/4. Before that he was doing “fun” lessons in the leisure centre, age 3.5-4.

The “fun” lessons were excruciating at times, he just didn’t listen, was in his own world half the time. I think he’s probably got ADHD or ASD (just been referred).

However the proper lessons at a private company, which have a maximum of 5 in the group but often fewer, have been brilliant. He concentrates well and 2 years on his swimming has come on fantastically. He enjoys it and I think it’s lovely for him to have something he has stuck at, can do well and because he listens there, he’s never told off like he is in school.

Would it be worth finding another class?

If it were me I'd tell her that the lessons are important to help her to learn to swim properly and IF she pays attention & behaves/does her best in the lesson you will take her for a family swim (after/after school/Sunday/whatever).

it's not ballet, it's not a fun hobby, it's a life skill & best to learn to swim properly, young.

My children never very keen on properly swimming when we took them. If they hadn't done lessons, they would have got very good at jumping in and splashing, but that is about it.

I would keep taking her and not ask her too much. If she seems OK with going and isn't actively saying she doesn't like it, then carry on.

If you aren't willing to take her to the pool every single Saturday without fail then you need to continue with the small group swimming lessons until you can get her 1:1 tuition.

I was talking to a young relative of mine who never learnt to swim until he was a mid-teen because his parents listen to his refusal to have swimming lessons.