Worried dad

[Wingo22]

Hi all,

I have managed to keep my anxiety in check over the last couple of years. I am currently 33 male and have 2 children. We just had our second daughter 11 days ago.
My anxiety has come back, but now I am worried about my newest daughter. Noticed last week when we feed her she has these weird eye movements that move side to side. I’m terrified it’s nystagmus and that she will be blind.

Our doctor looked at her eyes during our last check up on Wednesday and told us she had no concerns. I felt good for a bit but now feel terrified again.
I am constantly holding her and looking at her eyes for any weird movements. I can’t enjoy my time with her . Every time I see one i get sick To my stomach.

about 2 weeks before she was born I was worried about her having terrible birth defects, now this. I managed to keep my anxiety in check with my first daughter but all of a sudden it is back.
Can anyone relate, any advice? I just want to be able to hold my daughter and not focus on just her eye movements. I want to enjoy it this stage.

Thanks

Im sure you will get better advise from others shortly but if you will forgive the directness - consider getting help for your anxiety.

For right now there are some excellent podcasts and 10 minute meditations that can help hugely - these are best done at the start of the day rather than waiting for a situation of stress.

then perhaps a visit to the GP for you? Have you tried counselling in the past? It can be such a great help.

if the GP has said your daughter is fine, it’s incredibly unlike that there is an issue. You can ask for it to be checked at the next check up. Trying to get the anxiety under control will help so much in being able to bond in a calm way with your new baby and support your partner who I’m sure will really appreciate you being your best self while the baby is so new.

you said you had anxiety with the first baby, despite your concerns is she ok?

It does sound like you are suffering from anxiety, but it's good you recognise that. Do you have any techniques to keep it in check? Mind web site might have some good suggestions? Having a newborn is a stressful time and lots of people struggle with mental health be it anxiety or depression.

Go to the doctors and ask for some help with anxiety, be that medication or otherwise.

My daughter used to do that at a few days old. I think the eye movements are because babies that old can't see very well and moving their eyes is something to do while drinking. I thought it was cute at the time. Just to warn you, mine now 6 weeks, sleeps with her eyes open too since a few weeks ago. She does this especially during rem sleep so they move about weirdly. I checked with the midwife. That's also normal & common.

Being a parent is stressful and makes you anxious. I think about SIDS a lot and I'd say I'm fairly chilled. Cut yourself a break and know it's ok to worry. If the worry is all consuming, speak to your midwife or gp

You've got this!
As long as you keep with the check ups you are doing everything you can. The fact that you are concerned shows you care and that's so important.
I'd recommend speaking to the gp about how you're feeling, my husband struggled more than me after our daughter was born, every little thing he thought she had when it was nothing.
Not saying I was any better cleaning the house top to bottom in Milton fluid "because it was safer"
Speak to someone about your anxiety so you can let it out, and rationalise!

Are you on antidepressants ?

Ds had unusual eye movement we filmed it showed it to the Dr who showed it to paediatrics that same day (her husband) upshot was no concerns point is if there were concerns its dealt with instantly your not brushed off for that

Babies can’t control their eyes very well, plus they can only focus on something that is a similar distance as the face of someone holding them.

I have anxiety aswell and always worried about these little things all the time when my baby was born he is now 2 but I still get these thoughts and over react on everything. But I do have some good days aswell I had therapy which helped me a lot, maybe give that a try? But don’t worry you are not alone alot of parents have this

Great advice so far! Just to add -- babies often drift into REM sleep while nursing.... their (often open) eyes flick all over the place when they do. Could it have been this?

As a dad of a child who does have Nystagmus I understand your concern and worry - but even if that was the case it does not mean a life of blindness. Your reaction is not relative to the situation.

You need to speak to your GP and get some help to manage your anxiety.

Thanks everyone. No I am not on any meds now. I do remember being worried about my first child, but not to this extent.
I guess I just know more things now.

I hope this is just a stage and she grows out of it. I have trouble trusting doctors for some reason. My wife brought her and asked the doc, I wasn’t there but according to her the doctor did a quick eye check and gave her the all clear. That should give most people peace of mind but not me for whatever reason.