5 year old won’t do anything with me

[RosieSmith2975]

Me and his dad are still together, about 7 months ago he went on a training course for work for about 2 months so we didn’t see him at all really and since my 4 (5 in a month) year old is glued to his dad.
Like crying when it’s not announced DH is going to the toilet so DS can go with, the same applies when he leaves the room to do literally anything, even to grab a glass of water.

If it’s bath time he’ll cry that he wants his dad to do it not me and the same applies for literally everything and it’s exhausting me.

DS was just sat on the sofa with me and he left the room so I asked where he was going and he responded with ‘I want to sit with daddy I like him more’ and then just went upstairs and I don’t really know how to respond to him.

like with bath I say I know you want daddy to do it but it’s my turn etc etc but when it’s just stuff like that how do I answer? Online they say like it’s just a phase but it’s been 5/6 months of this and I’m feeling really rejected and like a bitch if I’m honest because all I seem to do is make him cry because he doesn’t want me to do anything. he has a 15 month old brother and another due in just over 2 weeks and I’m worried he’ll feel rejected as his dad is going to have to start saying no to things like carrying him as he’ll have to hold the 15 month old/newborn over him.

So basically anyone else have the same and how do they cope? He spent a good 4 years only wanting me to do things and then just switched overnight pretty much and I don’t know if it’s hormones or what but I’m struggling to deal with it.

My DS is like this but the cause was the opposite. He “switched” at age nearly 3, it coincided with me having to do bedside vigil while my mum was dying so I was absent at bedtime for a while then I was busy sorting funeral and being sad for a few days, and when I got myself together after 3 weeks of distraction, DS had switched to being all about daddy!

daddy smothers him with presents and days out, while I’m stuck doing a lot of chores and often multi tasking alongside looking after DS. It’s hard to compete. Plus I lost my mum, who we saw most days, so I’m associated with nanny disappearing and for sure DS holds me responsible (he only EVER asks me about nanny, I think he thinks I’ve removed her from his life on purpose).

I thought it would end, but over a year later, daddy is still Top Parent.

in my case daddy does spoil and baby DS which definitely doesn’t help my case! I have to frequently have words with dh about this.

my advice: talk to your dh about how you feel, and ask him to help you ride it out. Find something special to do with your DS that is just yours, with DH’s support. My DS loves riding his bike with me, and playing certain puzzles. But I’m rarely wanted for bath or bed. I have learned to love the situation as i won’t buy my DS love.

That sounds really hard, OP! I would say try your best to keep calm and not to make it about you. He's only 4 and he's got it in his head that his daddy may not always be there. Both you and DH need to hold firm on boundaries (e.g. mummy is doing bath tonight ") so he doesn't get stuck in deep power struggles.

The important thing to remember is he has a right to his feelings. Don't try and change them and don't take it personally. He will continue to grow and change, and the most important thing you can teach him is that you are there for him, even when he's having difficult emotions. Practice saying things like "I know you really want daddy to do bedtime tonight. You love him SO much. That's understandable, daddy is so amazing! I know you feel sad and that's ok. I'm here for you. Mummy is doing bedtime tonight and daddy will do it tomorrow. " Be kind and firm. Don't try to/expect to change the situation, just be there with him/for him. It will work itself out when he's ready, and the more calm and consistent you can be with him, the better it will be in the long run.