Development of my 13month

[KarlMkIX]

Hello Mumsnet,

A Dad here.

My partner really doesn't want to recognise my concerns, so I'm here discreetly. I'm not saying she's in denial, it's just that we're first-timers so I really don't have any context for the situation I want to discuss.

I'm concerned about my boy's development. He's thirteen months now and let me start by saying his physical development has been outstanding. He was walking by eleven months, having essentially skipped crawling (crawled for a few weeks and then just stood up). His motor functions are equally excellent. He can wander round the room endlessly without falling, picking things up (large and small) as he goes, throwing, etc.

Equally, he's very responsive to facial expressions and sounds he enjoys. He'll laugh if I make the correct funny noise. He loves peek-a-boo. Most of all he just wants to walk (almost run, at this point), practically endlessly. Pretty sure he has a future as an athlete.

Now for the less optimistic section. At thirteen months, he certainly isn't talking (he does babble, has done for a while, but that's not the same thing). He doesn't really respond to his name; it seems like the cadence and melody of his name can have an impact, but it isn't consistent and I don't believe that he knows his name. He doesn't seem to comprehend the actions of his toys much (for example; his plastic pop-up animal toy - he finds it fun and interesting but he clearly doesn't know that the animals pop up when you press a button. He just likes when it randomly happens).

If I were to try to read to him all he'd do is struggle until I put him down because he just wants to walk. I talk to him loads but he hasn't done more than the same babbling for quite a while now.

Essentially, his sole desire is, in general, to rocket around (very adeptly), pick up objects, throw or drop them, and investigate furniture/things on the floor/things Mum+Dad hold (phones/TV remote). But he seems (to me) to be lacking in development on a mental level, and doesn't seem interested in the obvious ways we could facilitate that (such as the aforementioned reading).

Am I wrong to be concerned? Is the internet applying too much pressure? Is he fine? Or are my concerns legitimate?

Totally new to parenting and open to all responses. Although please don't be mean because I love him more than anything.

Thank you

Sounds fairly normal to me. I have three DCs, 5, 3 and 15 months. They’re meeting all of the usual milestones on or ahead of schedule. At 13 months, they were all very wiggly. They definitely wouldn’t sit still for more than 2/3 of a board book. My 15-month-old still doesn’t. Just keep trying. As language skills grow, the interest in reading grows. Now with the older two I need to beg them to let me stop reading at bedtime!

At 13 months, not speaking is normal, as long as he’s babbling responsively. My youngest had his 15-month well baby visit with the GP today, and I was asked if he has 4 or 5 words. In fact, he has about 50, but they all appeared in the last 3 weeks. At 13 months he basically had “mama”, “papa”, “no” and “uhoh”.

The only potential red flags for me in what you’ve written are not recognizing his name, and not starting to understand cause and effect. Might be worth raising those with your GP / HV for an opinion, or asking at nursery. In all likelihood he’s fine, but if you have niggling fears it would be nice to be able to lay those to rest!

I think you are jumping the gun a little. My DS didn't start mimicking actual words until 25 months. He was using sentences of several words within a month. Before that he had around 50 "words" some of which were just made up ones that he used consistently to mean a certain thing so they count as a word but werent real iyswim. A raspberry sound for ketchup etc. and these didn't start until around 14mo.

He is very physical and as a fast crawler didn't bother walking until 15mo. He didn't do books, even at bedtime until around a similar age. BUT even though he wanted to explore his room rather than sit on my lap he was still listening and benefitting from the story.

Your son is walking already and that will be taking a lot of brain power. Some kids do the physical stuff first and then the verbal.

The only thing of concern I can see in your post is the lack of response to his name but I can't remember when my son started that.

You could get his hearing checked.

What does your health visitor say?

We haven't had contact from a health visitor since he was 2 weeks old. I honestly don't know if everyone here is from UK (although I assume not) but we're in turmoil over here. We got a phone call at 9 months and were expecting a call at 12 months to asses his development but it hasn't happened. Getting a GP appointment is, let's say difficult. We're kind of on our own 😕

Your child will be under a health visitor even if they've not reached out yet. We've just had our 8-12 month check (UK) so it's surprising that you've been missed. Nothing you've said about your little one worries me other than perhaps not responding to his name. The speech etc can be so varied. I remember my eldest only had about 5 words when he turned 2, but then suddenly out of nowhere wouldn't stop talking. Anyway... I would give your health visitor team a call to ask for advice. They're better placed than your GP to help.

Sounds normal I think. My HV said babies often focus on developing one skill at a time. My 14mo knows lots of words, far more ahead than my DS was at this stage, enjoys making marks on paper, understands how her toys work ect. But can't walk, no interest in even pulling herself up to standing yet and has only just started bum shuffling.

I would say the phone call at 9 months was probably his 9-12 month check. There should be a HV team to call even if you don't have a named HV anymore. The number should be in his red book.

You can download age-related milestones and from what you say he is meeting them all for his age.

Your baby sounds completely fine and typical. It is absolute normal for babies to accelerate learning in one area, whilst other development seems to stall for a while. Boys in particular develop physical and gross motor skills earlier, whereas as girls often better communicators. Boys often have delayed speech so don’t be concerned.

Imagine if you had just discovered you could WALK - at last you can explore! See the world though your baby’s eyes and support his interests. Indulge him! Take him out on a windy day to stomp through leaves and squelch in mud. Buy tiny wellies and a splash suit, let him play in puddles in the rain.

Regarding reading, kids like the predictability of a small number of books read over and over and over. They enjoy short board books with faces of babies, silly animal noises, sound effects that you will make, touch-and-feel or lift-the-flap books. Babies also love a humorous ending - our HV gave us a lovely book called “Tickle, tickle” about babies playing in mud then having a bath and being tickled just before bedtime. My kids loved the anticipation of the tickle, and loved watching the page turn to that final picture. We also had a lovely bath book with a water squirt at the end, cue squeals of laughter as baby knows the squirt is coming.

Don’t forget also the importance of linking speech with movement - nursery rhymes with actions, in particular though any songs and dances that you enjoy also, can be important. Think about how much easier yourself to remember the words to the chorus of a song, versus plain prose.

Just relax and enjoy your child for all his own pleasure in the big new world he is enjoying.

This sounds normal to me.
My twins crawled at 5 months, walked at 11 months, but were (relatively) late talkers.
At 14 months I don't think they had any words, except mama. They said a few words at 18 months (ball,book) but didn't say much till about 2. I wasn't worried since they understood everything.

But take notes of your observations and speak to your GP/HV if you're worried.

Kids are a worry but what you're describing doesn't sound abnormal at all. He's just really into being physical and it's not surprising he's not into books at 13 months. My daughter didn't really say much at all until she was close to 2 and she was assessed by a SLT and had a hearing test, everything was normal and at 2.5 she won't shut up! I think he does need a routine 12 month check up and you could download the ASQ-3 for 12 months and see where you think he is on that, it should reassure you.

I’m from the uk. My LO is just turning 1. What you describe sounds absolutely normal

put down the baby books and anything else that tells you what your baby should be doing by now. They are no different to adults - they’ll do things in their own time. He is only 13 months old so definitely no concern to me

It sounds normal to me. Early walkers can often be late talkers so expect he might struggle between 18-24 months getting frustrated if he can't communicate with you. But again, normal. He's only 13 months old, so really young. My daughter was an "early talker" and is extremely well-spoken at almost 3, but at 13 months she was basically only babbling still. I wouldn't worry about speech until at least 24 months.

Sounds absolutely fine to me, and if anything it sounds like he’s ahead with his physical development! My son is 14 months old, not walking, stands well and cruises, no words yet, does know his name though and plays well with his toys in the ‘correct’ way. Reading books is annoying though, as for some reason he repeatedly closes the book and just wants to look at the cover 🤷🏻‍♀️ I can’t say it’s ever entered my mind to be concerned he’s not talking, or walking etc. They just do things at their own pace and are more engaged with some activities than other.

He sounds completely normal.

Why not get yourself a book about child development and have a read? It will put your mind at rest and also give you lots on information to make parenting a little more interesting.

Do you spend a lot of time around other children of the same age? That would also probably help you to see what the normal range of development is.

My DD is 13 months and certainly isn't talking, still very much just babbling. We had the 12 month check a couple of weeks ago and HV just asked if she says mama/dada which she does but not particularly meaningfully. She wasnt worried though, it's still early for speech. Your DS sounds like he is doing great and obviously very focused on the physical side of things.

My DD is still trying to figure out walking and my friend has a DS the same age (almost to the day) that walked before she even crawled. My point being that they all do things at their own pace in whatever order they fancy so try not to worry at this stage 😊

(I'd download the Asq ages and stages thing if I were you and had no HV)

Thank you everyone, feel a lot better having listened to everyone's experiences/feedback.

Think the internet is a dangerous thing; some pages (even on here) would have me believing he's autistic or similar (not that that would be a problem. He's my boy, wouldn't matter one jolt). But my instinct has always been that that's way too extreme a judgement anyway, it's just practically impossible to gauge things as a first-timer with no knowledge.

To those who suggested; think we'll track down our HV to get a little insight - thank you for the idea.

Finally - what does 'DS', 'DD' etc actually stand for? I can extrapolate what you mean (or 'who' you mean) but I'm at a loss with regards the acronyms!!

Many Thanks

Thank you everyone, feel a lot better having listened to everyone's experiences/feedback.

Think the internet is a dangerous thing; some pages (even on here) would have me believing he's autistic or similar (not that that would be a problem. He's my boy, wouldn't matter one jolt). But my instinct has always been that that's way too extreme a judgement anyway, it's just practically impossible to gauge things as a first-timer with no knowledge.

To those who suggested; think we'll track down our HV to get a little insight - thank you for the idea.

Finally - what does 'DS', 'DD' etc actually stand for? I can extrapolate what you mean (or 'who' you mean) but I'm at a loss with regards the acronyms!!

Many Thanks

Thank you everyone, feel a lot better having listened to everyone's experiences/feedback.

Think the internet is a dangerous thing; some pages (even on here) would have me believing he's autistic or similar (not that that would be a problem. He's my boy, wouldn't matter one jolt). But my instinct has always been that that's way too extreme a judgement anyway, it's just practically impossible to gauge things as a first-timer with no knowledge.

To those who suggested; think we'll track down our HV to get a little insight - thank you for the idea.

Finally - what does 'DS', 'DD' etc actually stand for? I can extrapolate what you mean (or 'who' you mean) but I'm at a loss with regards the acronyms!!

Many Thanks

Thank you everyone, feel a lot better having listened to everyone's experiences/feedback.

Think the internet is a dangerous thing; some pages (even on here) would have me believing he's autistic or similar (not that that would be a problem. He's my boy, wouldn't matter one jolt). But my instinct has always been that that's way too extreme a judgement; it's just practically impossible to gauge things as a first-timer with no knowledge.

To those who suggested; think we'll track down our HV to get a little insight - thank you for the idea.

Finally - what does 'DS', 'DD' etc actually stand for? I can extrapolate what you mean (or 'who' you mean) but I'm at a loss with regards the acronyms!!

Many Thanks

Thank you everyone, feel a lot better having listened to everyone's experiences/feedback.

Think the internet is a dangerous thing; some pages (even on here) would have me believing he's autistic or similar (not that that would be a problem. He's my boy; wouldn't matter one jolt). But my instinct has always been that that's way too extreme a judgement; it's just practically impossible to gauge things as a first-timer with no knowledge.

To those who suggested; think we'll track down our HV to get a little insight - thank you for the idea.

Finally - what does 'DS', 'DD' etc actually stand for? I can extrapolate what you mean (or 'who' you mean) but I'm at a loss with regards the acronyms!!

Many Thanks

What rubbish. He's just a normal Dad who wants to make sure he's not missing something.
OP (original poster) Take the words of wisdom you've had on here and trust your instincts.
(DS is Dear Son and DD is Dear Daughter)

DD is darling daughter
DS is darling son

Glad you felt able to reach out. Raising kids is an absolute minefield! Are there any baby groups you can go to with kids of a similar age? I found that really helpful for getting reassurance and tips.

What you've described sounds pretty normal to me I think. Do you think he is he's hearing ok? Does he turn towards noises, look up if you call his name, clap your hands, things like that? Has he had ear infections, that you know of?

About when my second daughter turned 2 I started to think her speech was a little behind, and she'd had several ear infection, which we didn't really know until the eardrum ruptured, because she wasn't holding her ears or anything and couldn't communicate., Turned out she needed grommets . It was a simple op and she's really come on now. I just mention this in case it resonates at all for you.

I would find the health visitor's number from the previous letters you've had to call them and ask for the 12 month assessment, then you can see areas to work on and they can give you ideas on things to help develope them.

For the record, everything you described sounds normal and Just Baby Things. My 13mo doesn't play "properly" with his toys, he just takes them for a whirl around the room!

Honestly it all sounds normal to me, nothing to be concerned about. They're only 13 months.

My son only said 2 words until he was 24 months (muma and dada). Between age 2 and 2.5 his speech exploded very rapidly.

Totally normal.
I work in portage and your DS sounds fine.