2.5 year old hell

[Phoenixwings1989]

I need to vent as I am in need of one.

So DD is coming up 2.5 and it has been utter hell for 3 weeks! She asks for things then doesn't want it, won't sit on her buggy while near busy roads (she doesn't like her reigns and wants to walk without them), she throws a tantrum over the least thing and even while we ignore her she continues and doesn't stop until we intervene (we only do this when she is at risk of harming herself btw) and refuses to nap at all.

We are losing the will to live and I honestly wouldn't be surprised if one of us doesn't end up in hospital from a breakdown. This is not like her at all and it's as if she has had a personality transplant overnight.

I have talked with other mums who laugh and say 'oh, I understand. Thankfully they grow out of it.' MIL thinks she is an absolute angel and we're overreacting and others have said to keep the faith as she doesn't mean it.

Well, I know that but no matter how gentle we are with her emotions she doesn't seem to listen and just continues to be demanding. How are we meant to support her when she isn't hearing us?

Also, read the book how to talk to little kids and how to listen so they'll talk. I have thought about ringing HV but DH thinks it will be pointless and she'll say it's just a phase and we need to get on with it.

At this point I don't even know why we became parents. We don't seem cut out to call ourselves that at the moment.

Didn't want to read and run.

You are not bad parents
There are good times and bad times
It's very hard and drains your energy when they are very emotional and challenging behaviour

It won't always be this way

I'm sorry I don't have better help for you.

I've struggled with my DD over the years.

I'm sure you'll get better advice soon but one thing used to work in the short term.

I'd look at her and say "Hmmm how long has it been since you last had a good tickling!" Then chase her, tickle her, kiss and cuddle her. It used to re-set her but there were some awful times with her!

I also wondered if it was because she needed a wee. Although she was still in nappies if she was holding a wee she would get irritable and overly emotional AND still does it now at 9!

I think what shakeit said is good.

At this age you're best just trying to change their minds on stuff. It doesn't take much I. E. Look! A squirrel!!!

Distraction is good. As is telling them they must definitely not do the thing you want them to do. "Darling, don't eat your peas. Don't. If you eat them I will cry. Oh no, they're in your spoon. Put them down noooooooow! Aaaagh, you've eaten your peas. Wail!". Works brilliantly until they are about 4.

It's sooooo hard. Mine hates baths.

Those phases are terrible! The thing I found that helped the most was the book 'how to talk so little kids will listen'. Some of it is for slightly older kids but it's definitely helped me deal with my littlest at that sort of age. Good luck!

There's also a how to talk so little kids will listen book as well which is handy for younger ones.
I also read an article saying kids have an emotional cup or battery, and once it gets empty then nothing works, so you have to keep topping it up all the time with cuddles, time in charge, free play, anything to reconnect with them. Then once it's fill you can get away with anything :)
It can easily be depleted by illness, growth spurts, changes of routine and anything under the sun, so you really have to spend a lot topping it up sometimes.
Good luck, even if you do everything right it doesn't always go as you hope. Hang in there!

I'm sure there's a bastarding unofficial sleep regression at this age. Lasted a few weeks if I remember correctly.

My Dd was a lot like this, I used to distract her and play tickle monster. It gets easier and until then coffee, remember this isn't a reflection in your parenting, and believe me if Lo is kicking off and a fellow mum sees (you will probably get a look of solidarity) - I actually got another mum whisper (your doing a great job, hang on in there in tescos when Dd was screaming her little head off) because I wouldn't let her buy a dog toy - as she we didn't have a dog !

Thank you for replying.

@johnd2 she has got a viral infection at the moment, has had it for a week or so according to the GP and I also think she is teething but not 100% sure on that one. I just notice she's biting her fingers but refuses food when I ask her if she'd like something to eat. She's like a different toddler after having medicine. DH is reluctant to medicate her as he is concerned she will become addicted.

@pitchforksandflamethrowers yes I had thought that too but she has been this way since July and I think they are only supposed to last six weeks or so but when I read up about them it did say it could last up until or after she turns 2.5. She will officially be that age on the 18th but right now it's all a bit of a headache. I wish I had gotten support like that with mine. Most just looked at me with narrowed eyebrows and looks of disapproval. I can't drink coffee as it makes me fall asleep lol, so still looking for a beverage to relax me.

I thought we might get away with it today as she has seemed happy but we went for a walk to the shops. She wouldn't wear her reigns again nor would she get on her pushchair so I said she could walk as long as she walked with us. She was as good as gold, holding my hand when coming to a crossing. It was when we entered the shop where everything started going downhill. She was being a typical toddler - wanting to look at different things and I didn't think she was doing any harm. DH thought she was being a little too excitable so became annoyed with her which led me to become annoyed with him. For once she wasn't having a tantrum but then he was! Then he blamed me for not following through with a warning which he had himself instigated. But he always warns her but never follows through with the punishment. And when I try to it's like I am speaking in a foreign language.

So it is not just DD I have to worry about but my DH too! We will be lucky to still be married at this rate.

Don’t worry there are a lot of us on the same boat my one drives me completely crazy aswell, hoping we will grow out of this phase soon but I know just hard it can be sometimes 😩😩

Calpol is magic and not addictive at all. If you're lo needs it then get it down them, it's no use in the bottle.
Illness really trashes any calmness otherwise and it's hard to get around without medication.

Secondly supermarkets are like sensory overload in a box, they are expressly designed to be exciting and tempting, so toddlers would be deficient if they didn't want to grab everything within reach.
We have spent time to teach ours to put things back and be careful, but it doesn't always go well. We are narrowly skirting the title of being that annoying family that let their toddler free rein in the supermarket. But it really is a terrible place for anyone let alone a little person with no impulse control.

Sounds like you're doing a great job but the lack of being on the same page as your partner is draining your own battery/cup.
Not sure if you can put your partner in charge sometimes, he can decide whether to medicate on his own time.
Good luck!