10mo not settling with childminder

[Orangepen13]

Hi all,

wisdom appreciated! My 10mo starts childminder properly next week. Me and my partner work long days so she will be there for 10 hours. She’s had a few settle sessions but often gets upset and the childminder has asked us to pick her up again after 30-40 mins.

Our childminder has just asked for flexibility next week in case our lo gets really upset again and needs to be picked up. I wasn’t expecting this, I work in the NHS and partner is a teacher, so leaving early would mean cancelling health appointments/lessons.

Im feeling a bit stressed about this now. I completely expected my lo to get upset - she really feels her feelings and doesn’t like to be left - but I hadn’t expected that the childminder might ask us to pick her up. Now I feel the mum guilt for just expecting my lo to cope!

I don’t know what I’m hoping for by posting, but any advice to help manage, wisdom, personal experiences would be very much appreciated!

If you can't get flexibility, you can't. I do hope your child minder is prepared to persevere.

Can you ask to take her daily from now onwards - little and often is the key for DC that are taking longer to settle?

Ten hours is a very long day for such a little one.
It is only natural that you will both miss each other.

The childminder probably feels that dealing with a distraught baby for ten hours is hard on her, too.
Little and often probably is the best at first, so your daughter is eased into it gently, and realises that Mum will be back.

I don't think 30-40 mins is enough to allow the child to settle in tbh, what has your childminder tried to do to calm her down?
How many times has she been to the childminders?
Are you able to go with your daughter and stay for a few hours to try and help with settling in? This is something my childminder has done with other children when they are struggling with settling in.

OP, I started my DD at full time nursery at 10 months. The first nursery were a disaster, they couldnt settle her or get her to sleep and started pushing me for early collection which I was fine in the interim but they did not do anything to solve this issue long term which didnt work for me because...we had to work!

I moved her to a fantastic nursery (a benefit of nursery is more workers, more chance of DC to find someone they naturally bond with to become a keyworker) and they were able to meet her needs.

Sounds like the CM is being bit lazy - upset babies should not be a shock to her.

If she isnt able to fit your needs then I would look at something else (easier said than done I know)

I agree 30-40 minutes isn’t really long enough to settle. We started our lo at a nursery at 6 months old and he had 1 hour settling in sessions at first which tbh were totally useless for him as he’d just cry every time we went as he wasn’t there long enough or frequent enough to get used to it. I think looking back it was more for the benefit of us as parents getting used to the idea of leaving him somewhere.
I really panicked at first as my job is in a laboratory so once you start experiments, you can’t really up and leave at a moments notice and my partner is a teacher so again can’t leave work easily. Like you I really didn’t expect it to be difficult (silly really as they’re so young and obviously want their parents) and if I could go back in time, I’d go back to work a few weeks after starting nursery so I could be available whenever whilst he got used to it.
In the end we started off with half days (I’ve luckily got a very understanding boss who said it’s ok I do this for a couple of weeks) and by day 3 he was a different baby. Loves going and is now all smiles. We’re gradually lengthening the days as he is still so young but I’m hopeful.
If it’s at all possible, I would see about a nursery. As a pp said, the benefit of more workers means someone is always there to meet your baby’s needs as quickly as possible without feeling overwhelmed themselves. Also the presence of other babies gets them used to social interactions which is another plus.
Otherwise a gradual increase in time with the childminder is probably the best way forward. Is it possible at all for you to take half days with work for a little while? Have you got any family close by that could share the care whilst you’re at work so there’s someone more familiar whilst she gets used to the childminder?
I assume your childminder has looked after other babies before? What does she usually do in these early days?

Hi all,

thanks everyone! Unfortunately she starts at childminder next week, so there’s no time for anymore settling. We did have a nursery place but it was cancelled as the nursery closed a couple of months ago and we live in an area where the waiting lists are over a year long.

i guess we’ll just have to be hopeful that a few tricky days might lead into a more settled period

Hi - I'm a childminder.
Your cm asking you to pick baby up after 40 minutes is absolutely unreasonable.
I've had a 10 month old start last year, he took me 2 months to settle. He cried on and off all day.
Yes it was hard work but that's the job!
I wouldn't have dreamed of calling the parents to collect him...they needed to work! He is now very settled, and cries when he has to go home instead!
You need to be very firm with your cm, you must only be called to collect baby if they are poorly. Tell her your work is not flexible, and you cannot simply collect because baby is crying.
Good luck xx

The childminder is being unreasonable. Being able to deal with an upset baby is a key part of her job!! I hope she pulls through for you next week or that you can find an alternative solution if needed.

I’m hoping next week will go well for you, but I think you should get on the waitlist for a few nurseries just in case. A childminder who can’t deal with a crying baby for 40 minutes doesn’t inspire confidence.

I was a childminder for 10 years 30-40 minutes before asking to collect.

10 months is separation anxiety age so yes would expect her to deal with baby for much longer.

How long has she been childminding ?