Non-resident parent said one thing and did another

[Anon778833]

My ex partner and I have a daughter who will be 3 in December. Back in May, we had a look at some nurseries and decided on one for her to go to. She has just started. It is a school nursery and requires a term’s notice for pulling a child out. It is not the most expensive nursery in the city - I’d say it’s mid-range.

At the time we looked at this nursery, I said to him ‘We need to sit down and work out whether we can afford this and how many hours etc’ and he said that the cost wouldn’t be an issue and he would pay for it. He is on a 6 figure salary so I had no reason to doubt him.

Fast forward to about a month ago, and he suddenly changed his position to me needing to use all DD’s child maintenance to pay for the nursery. Which leaves me with nothing to buy her clothes with etc not to mention energy costs.

When I told him how much the nursery fees are per month, he acted shocked. He then told me that he had signed the nursery contract without reading it!!!

I know that NRPs don’t have to pay nursery costs if they don’t want to but he has misled me - if he told me I’d have to use all of the CM money I would have chosen a nursery that offers 30 hours funding from 3 (this one only offers 15). I need to be able to pay for DD’s other living costs.

Clearly, going forward I won’t be able to trust him.

I feel stressed out.

What's the custody split like? You pay for childcare on your days, he pays for childcare on his days.

I have her most of the time. He has her 1 night a week.

Technically, if we can’t afford for her to go to nursery then that should have been decided at the time we looked. He stood in the road and told me he would pay. Then back tracked and didn’t even read the contract!

If he signed the contract then isn't he liable for the fees?

He is, yes.

I believe that it’s your responsibility to pay for nursery fees for the days your Dc is with you. If he’s earning a 6 figure salary, and signed the contract, he won’t get the free hours at all anyway because he earns too much. However, as he has signed the contract, they will chase him up for payments.
you need to go via CMS for money to be taken directly from his salary. He can’t control what it is spent on.

Then I don't see what the problem is?

I think all children get the free hours from 3? It’s not means tested. Only 2 year funding is. And most nurseries don’t offer that anyway.

I have suggested that we ask the CMS to calculate it but he blows up at me when I suggest this and threatens to go self employed . I feel like it would make it fair on both sides. He doesn’t.

He should have told me that he’s not willing to pay extra for nursery 🤷🏻‍♀️That’s the bottom line really. I just wondered what sorts of arrangements others have.

Realistically how easy would it be for him to go self employed?

How much short of the CMS calculation is he paying you?

He signed the nursery contract therefore he is liable for the fees. If he's not willing to pay them then you will likely need to switch to one which offers the 30 hours.

Hi at 3 it is means tested if one of you earns more than 100,000. Been having to Google it myself to find out.. you get the 15hrs free regardless but not 30.

Take it as a lesson that his word can't be trusted and that he's a tightwad.
And choose a different nursery, that you're happy with and can afford.

Presumably his one night a week falls on a weekend so he won't have to drop her off. Just carry on and do what you need to do, he will have to fall in with your plans if he can't keep to his word.

If he's not willing to pay them then you will likely need to switch to one which offers the 30 hours.

I completely agree. Every time I ask him if he’s in agreement for me to do this, he says no.

Thank you, I didn’t know about this! I don’t earn anywhere near £100k and im never likely to either.

I just feel that this could all have been avoided if he was transparent in the first place.

If he’s refusing to pay, it’s not up to him- surely?

He says that if he pays for the nursery directly he then won’t pay me any CM.

The CMS point - if he is putting you off using CMS it means he knows he would end up paying more.

Might just be worth you putting in that call.

(Could he realistically go self employed?).

I’m not sure if he would go self employed. But having known him a long time, I have seen him do things that hurt him just so he can stay in control.

He doesn't get to choose either or. If I were you I'd give him as little leverage as possible to mess you about, swap the nursery to one you can afford and contact the CMS for maintenance.

You don't have to get his agreement to do any of this.

He's pulling your chain.

I'd wait for him to reliably be paying g nursery so not only has he signed the contract but he has agreed and committed to paying. Then, make a claim through CMS.

If it all goes to shit, she can move to a 30hrs free one. All the school nurseries round our way accept the 30 hrs free - are you sure this one doesn't?

I would also wait until he establishes payment, even a couple of months and ring the CSA.

I'd explain either he pays it or you will find a cheaper nursery.l and pay it yourself. Also agree to calculating maintenance to make sure your not under paid.