I have been a single mom since 2016 when my daughter was 6 years old. My daughter and I were very close, she was a happy and affectionate girl since she was very little and when I left her dad, she didn't seem to be affected by this change. At that point she still see her dad once or twice a month and she seemed fine with that.
My daughter started to change 2 years ago when she was 10, and started to show some sign of mental illness, initially she stopped going to school and she often run away from home without much sign of distress, and threaten to kill herself once in Feb 2021. But these meltdown episodes only last for a few days at most and she would be back being a happy child and her usual self. But because she show some signs of mental illness, I took her to see psychiatrist at CAMHS in July 2021. She refused to engage, but she completed a questionnaire given to her at the time, she then was diagnosed with cptsd. The diagnosis of cptsd mainly from the questionnaires she completed and probably from my input as a mom, where I told the psychiatrist that she witnessed domestic violence when she was 1 and 2 y/old. Her dad also often kicked us out from home since she was a baby, so we lived in a very unstable environment before I left her dad for good. But CAMHS dismissed her from their outpatient list because of her unwillingness to talk and engage with them.
She was fine for nearly a year. She started having another meltdown in early May this year and she has not yet came back to her usual self until today. But the meltdown episode she is having just now is different from before. She never ran away from home or threaten to kill herself. Instead it started with her unwillingness to go to school, then she tried to set fire in the house, then she wrote 3 notes to me asking me to die, written: 'DIE, DIE, DIE, YOU F**G B**CH MUM!!'
This happened out of nowhere, it was Saturday, she was supposed to attend Arabic school that afternoon, so I asked to get ready, she was delaying it so at some point I raised my voice a little bit asking her to be quick. She then froze and cried. I tried to calm her down by cuddling her, she was resisting but not hard enough. She didn't stop crying until she fell asleep. Then she woke up looking so angry, so I left her alone just to give her some space. But she never recovered since then.
When I tried to talk to her at close distance, she won't answer me and if I ask the same question a few times, she would attack me violently, I had to call the police a few times as she wouldn't stop hitting me. Sometimes she hit me with hard object (like TV remote or phone etc) out of nowhere. There were times as well she looked stable enough where she asked me make her pancake, when I handed a plate of pancakes to her she would slap my face very harshly.
For the past 4 months, she doesn't go out of her room much other than to the toilet and kitchen, she hasn't been at school, hasn't eaten proper food (she won't touch the lunch/dinner I prepared for her, but she would eat bread and other junk food I bought), she never slept at night, she hasn't been cleaning herself/shower for months. I still let her use her phone around 5 hours a day (it will autolock after 5 hours), but when she isn't on her phone, she usually just sit on the floor and stare at her room ceiling, she also often talk to herself.
School, gp, social service, the police all have gotten involve all agreed she needs to be seen and treated by a mental health professionals, but CAMHS have few times advised me they can't help children who is unwilling to engage with them. And yes she wouldn't engage with anyone, she doesn't talk to her friends from school anymore, and she wouldn't talk to any adult either (like her teacher and social work etc) she also refused to see her dad, but in that sense I wouldn't blame her as her dad hasn't been paying much attention to her anyway.
I'm hitting a dead end with the system in this country. Even private psychiatrist practice won't do house visit to assess her condition and also told me they won't be able to help children who is unwilling to engage with them. But I wouldn't be able to push her leaving her room or to attend appointment, or engage with people as that would trigger her violent/manic episode.
I'm hoping if someone in here can provide some guidance, maybe if other parents experienced similar things etc it's been a long 4 months for me, I have not been able to attend work being in this situation. And i feel more and more deflated each day watching my daughter falling apart like this with no one to help..