2 kids under 2 years old

[SABDELLAHI]

Does it get easier?

I have a 20 month old and a 11 week old baby. Both are boys. When I'm alone I struggle a lot with them both. The 20 month old runs wild in the house, gets very bored easily , starts throwing tantrums and has been very out of place since his brother has come. The 11 week old falls asleep for an hour and is up for milk (i formula feed) that all takes an hour with nappy change, burped and held for 20 mins so he doesn't spill his milk. Then it's time to feed the toddler breakfast lunch and dinner in between.

It's hard to balance both kids. My husband works 9-5, 7 days a week. And has also taking up going gym. I'm with the kids in the morning until they are ready for bed.

I have looked into toddler groups but so nervous to attend. My toddler is nonverbal yet, throws tantrums and will refuse to enter a unknown building/door. I would spend 30 mins trying to calm him, which just ends us coming home all in tears.

The baby hardly naps long enough during the day.

I end up looking at the clock wishing for bedtime to come quicker.

How do you guys cope? Does it get any easier? Any tips or advice will be very appreciated!

I don't have two but didn't want to read and run.

Do you have any other support? Family, friends?

Any possibility you can put him in a nursery?

I would honestly give some groups a go,

Mine are now 3.5 years and 2.5 years. It is really hard. When nurseries opened back up after lock down I put my older dd in nursery 2 days a week. I was on maternity so had to do this to keep her place. It really gave me a bit of break, time with new baby and time to get stuff done. Have you thought about that?

It does get easier but also challenging in different ways. When they both turned 1 and 2 years old I found it a little easier. Now they are the ages they are they do play together a lot and I can also sit and relax for a little while but the constant arguing and fighting is draining.

I was like you just sat wishing bedtime to come. Just try and enjoy the good days as much as you can cos it honestly goes so quick. Just think tomorrows a new day.

Your doing a great job!

Oh my word that sounds relentless, no wonder you are wishing for bedtime. I have had that feeling with just one baby, let alone two.

If your DH is working those hours, he really shouldn’t be going to the gym too while you have so much on your plate. Can he ask for a suspension of his subscription for 3 months?

Fully appreciate the worries about tantrums at baby groups but once you get in a routine your toddler may start to really enjoy it (that doesn’t mean you won’t have tantrums, but it will make it worthwhile overall). Also IME if you go to a church coffee morning type of group, you will find older ladies organising who will coo over your baby and help. And you will make friends and get ideas how to cope.

And you won’t be judged if your toddler has a tantrum. It is stressful but EVERY child has tantrums. There is no amazing pride in having a baby who doesn’t tantrum at a toddler group, as it is a guarantee there will be a tantrum shortly after/before. The mums may say with an eye-roll that they are late because “DC wanted the blue socks and they’re in the wash” or “DC didn’t want to go in the buggy” or “DC took a long time to eat breakfast”. This is usually shorthand for “I just spent 30 minutes soothing the hysterical outburst of the little person who is now smiling at you angelically, so please bring me coffee and biscuits immediately.” And the tantrums will recur when there is toy-snatching, or an unfair distribution of apple slices at the snack table, or whatever.

It is actually good to normalise the horror of it all, and if your child is the worst behaved kid at the group one week then you can be happy about it because you will have made the other mummies feel better about their own pitiful lives, and they will like you all the more for it.

What job does he do that means he works 7 days a week OP? That's hard graft for you being alone all day every day but also for him! I dont think it's unreasonable for him to go to the gym but you need to agree the time as a couple so you have some time with him at home for supporr/so you can have a break too.

My youngest two were 23 months apart ( DC3 was 6 weeks premature ) and the first 4 months were an absolute relentless blur as well as having the school run for eldest DC too. Now DC3 is 8 months, things are much easier and enjoyable.

Biggest tip from me would be to have a sling/carrier for baby so you have your hands free for the toddler. They make park trips immeasurably easier but also just being in the house easier.

For a start, your husband has a brand new baby and is working full time. He doesn't have time for new hobbies right now. Right now is all hands on deck time and supporting his wife who's home all day. You need to tell DH how much you're struggling and make it clear what you need and work from there.

I agree, now is not the time to take up a gym hobby... It's literally the hardest time and you need support. It's ridiculous he would do that imo.

I have a 3 year old and a 2 month old and I'm struggling too.... Waiting for it to get easier...

Hi,

Thank you all for your advice and tips.

We've got family but everyone is too busy within their own families to come help. They help as much as they could at the start. My mother also has a 6 year old who she needs to keep an eye on.

My husband has piled on the weight since we've had the children. 40 kg to be exact. His niece is going to get married soon and wants to look his best. So he has taken a gym membership out and goes everyday for an hour.

He is a supportive husband. With our first child he has been there throughout. Never going out just making sure his there every step of the way to help me with our eldest.

He is home by 7pm to put our eldest to bed for me while I be trying to get the newborn to bed .

It just feels so lonely during the day. I try to take my eldest to the stay and play as much as I can but his such a wild child I be so tired by the end of 40 mins play from running after him. He doesn't play in the toddler section. He would rather sit on every chair he could see and run through Open doors (bathroom doors) at the stay and play.

Mine are 17 months apart and yes the first couple of years were tough but I promise it gets easier! When they're older they'll play together and you'll love them being close. Hang in there :)