Rocking 3 month to sleep

[anxiousmummy12]

My 3 month old can only fall asleep when we rock her to sleep and then we have to have her on us for 20mins before we transfer her to her bedside cot which we are content with. I am concerned that for the past few nights she no longer sleeps for 6 hours and awakes every 2 hours to be rocked back to sleep. Everywhere online as well as the health visitor recommends we put her down when she is drowsy but awake to help her learn to self soothe - we have tried this many times and she will just cry and scream. I am worried that if we don't get her to sleep independently then we are creating a sleep association which will be a problem later on. Has anyone else had a baby that needs to be rocked to sleep? Did they manage to learn to self soothe eventually? Does anyone have any tips on how we can transition to being able to put her in her cot so she falls asleep by herself? I know we can't do any sleep training at the moment so we just want to gently nudge her in the right direction.

Honestly I wouldn't worry. My first I had to cuddle to sleep from the start, my second was really good for the first few months at being able to soothe himself to sleep most of the time. However mine were both rather terrible at sleeping and for the first year woke up constantly throughout the night, it wasn't until they were both older 14 and 11 months respectively that I sleep trained and they started sleeping through. I think you just need to do what you can to get the most sleep. Their sleep needs change so much in the first year, especially with regressions, leaps teething. She's still only so little, try to ignore anyone who says you are creating bad habits, by all means try and put her down drowsy and let her have a chance to self soothe but if she can't just try again in a few weeks. Try not to put pressure on it.

Do what works! None of my DC have been babies you could put down. Rocking, feeding, cuddling to sleep are all lovely ways to get your baby to sleep.

Another vote for not worrying. My boy was a contact napper and wouldn't go to sleep unless rocked. He contact napped for the first 6 months of his life and was rocked for even longer🤣 he's 14 months now and gets plonked in his cot and goes to sleep independently. You are her comfort and security just now so don't get too caught up in it all. She will get there.

3 months - so tiny! A baby shouldn't be doing anything 'independently' imo. They are biologically wired to receive care and love from you. My son napped on me until ten months and then went into his cot just fine. He is 4 now and about to start school soon. Had a taster day and just ran in smiling and forgot to say goodbye to me! No 'problems' caused. His sister is nearly 6 months old now and is fed to sleep every time. Please just try to relax and you definitely can't create problems by rocking or cuddling your baby. In fact it's important for their development.

I agree with not worrying, do what works for now, it’ll all change constantly anyway. DD1 had to be rocked to sleep and went through a very bad sleep phase where we had to rock her back to sleep every couple of hours at 5 months. But then she started sleeping 12 hours straight when we put her into her own room at 7 months (I think she was waking up because of the sound of us, is baby’s cot right next to your bed? Is it possible to move it a little further away but still be in the same room?). She’s been a fantastic sleeper since. DD2 was an excellent sleeper as a baby 9-6 from 12 weeks. She’s nearly 3 now and won’t sleep unless she’s in my bed. A good sleeper as a baby isn’t a guarantee they’ll always sleep well.

Babies are programmed to be on you for survival so the majority will need some sort of assistance and contact in order to sleep.

My first had to be fed to sleep everytime. It was rare that rocking worked and was only resorted to when feeding occasionally failed at the task. My second needs patted to sleep on my shoulder after a feed and doesn't much like being rocked. They're all different but I doubt many babies still need contact past about 18-24 mo so not something I'd look to change until then!

Echoing previous posters - I wouldn’t worry about this. My DD at 3 months old was the same, we had to pace up and down the hallway with her and rock her in our arms, shushing loudly, to get her to sleep at that stage, and then attempt the transfer into crib/pram. She just gradually grew out of it where she firstly would settle if the crib/pram was being rocked instead of in our arms, and now at over 5 months old she can be put down awake but tired and she’ll usually fall asleep herself as long as one of us is there within sight until she falls asleep but as she’s a baby, there are times she doesn’t and that’s okay too. I think you’re doing the right thing by just doing what you can to help her get over to sleep for now

Babies cannot self soothe OP. They just learn that nobody will answer their cries so what’s the point in crying?

its 100% normal what hour baby is doing!! They are MEANT to be close to you, rocked to sleep etc. it’s societies expectations of babies that is wrong. Please don’t buy into all that, try not to worry. Your baby is so tiny, take each day as it comes and whatever sleep they get/you get is a bonus. It won’t be like this forever, one day they will settle by themselves when they’re ready to and have developed enough to

Just wanted to echo the rest of the excellent advice you have already had! Babies need contact when they are little - it’s how they feel safe. You are doing everything right! Keep rocking, feeding to sleep - babies can’t self soothe (in fact it takes years before their brains are able to).

My 3 month old is exactly the same, either rocked or fed to sleep so must be a developmental stage. Was a good sleeper until the last week or so and has suddenly gone from long naps and waking once overnight to short naps and waking every few hours. Personally, we aren't worried and are making the most of the cuddles. Contact naps will be heavenly in winter.

Thank you all for the advice - it's nice to know that it's a common amongst the age. I just get frustrated that the guidance and advice online as it makes me feel incompetent as a parent.

I will continue with the rocking and I am sure this bump in the road with sleep will come to an end at some point.

Do what feels right, I used to rock for months and months. Now cuddling and shushing. 10mo and I love supporting him to fall asleep- it's beautiful, time well spent imo.

3 kids here, all rocked to sleep or fed to sleep until at least age 1. It’s perfectly normal, babies don’t go down “drowsy but awake” in my experience - they like to be held by the people they love the most!
don’t worry about sleep associations, don’t read the stuff on the internet. Just do what works and forget the rest.
Your baby will sleep through eventually. And waking up every 2 hours is perfectly normal for the first year (it IS exhausting)

Totally normal, most babies need support to sleep. Sleep is developmental, they will learn to sleep independently when they are ready.

Drowsy but awake is bollocks, I don't know who came up with it but I don't think they had ever met a baby.

I recommend following Lyndsey Hookway, Hey Sleepy Baby and Little Nest Sleep for info on biologically normal infant sleep.