Worried about taking baby to visit family member who smokes

[cad98]

Hi guys, apologies for the long post but need some advice.

For some background info, I was raised by both my mum and grandparents and have a close relationship with my Gran. I am currently 26 weeks pregnant and she is thrilled about having a great grandchild, but I am worried about baby visiting her home because she smokes indoors. We have also lost my Papa recently, and I know spending time with baby will help her a lot and give her something to look forward to.

I have been round to visit and she still smokes in the house even while I am there. Luckily we have had nice weather over the summer and whenever I have been round we sit outside, but baby is due in December and I am really worried as there won't be the option to meet outdoors. I was thinking maybe to suggest to take her out whenever I come round with baby? Or she can come to my mums house and spend time with baby?

I know she will invite us round during the festive season as she usually hosts Christmas but I'm not sure how to break it to her that I can't have baby in the house because of the smoke. I want baby to see her great granny and have a relationship but this is going to make it difficult. Has anyone else been in a similar situation? If so how did you go about it?

I think you have to just be honest. Say you can't visit her in her own home as it is dangerous for the baby (this also applies now while you're pregnant) but you'd love to see her at your mum's or elsewhere. Even if you're outside, I wouldn't want to be around her while she's smoking whilst pregnant or with a baby (or otherwise tbh). She should also change clothes before holding baby but I am aware that can be a tricky conversation!

Sorry if that sounds harsh but I don't see an alternative.

The fact she's still smoking around you whilst you're pregnant isn't a great sign and means she's not only putting you, but your unborn baby at risk. From NHS website: Pregnant women exposed to passive smoke are more prone to premature birth and their baby is more at risk of low birthweight and sudden infant death syndrome (cot death). In short, she needs to stop smoking around you or you need to stop visiting for the sake of yours and your baby's health.

I think you need to have an honest conversation with her about the risks now.

Honestly, you shouldn't even allow her to hold the baby unless she's washed and changed clothes since her last cigarette. You definitely shouldn't be in her house while pregnant, either.

You're just going to have to be honest with her about the danger she poses to your infant.

You phrase it as 'doctors have recently linked cigarette smoke with increased cot death so midwives are now insisting babies can't be in a home where someone smokes indoors'.

You can say the health visitor was really strict and would tell you off etc

Make it less personal by blaming someone else iyswim

Yep honest conversation. We had this with DH gran. And my grandad. It comes down to a choice for them. Do they want to hold baby and have people around them, or do they want to smoke.
I’m afraid I insisted on a change of clothes and washed hands and clean teeth before holding baby. Especially as I guessed they’d smoke in their car on the way. I was very lucky because both immediate families were really supportive.
it’s a tricky conversation but handled sensitively hopefully it will be okay. I can’t see how you will be able to take the baby into her home though over Christmas. Maybe meet at your mums house or something?