Not sending DC to nursery

[WhoopsEee]

I was wondering If anyone else has not sent their child to nursery? I know they are not compulsory, but I was wondering how many people wait until compulsory education to start before sending them? What made you decide whether to or not?

I don't know any one who didn't send their child to a nursery or childminder. Most of my friends are in paid work so have used childcare since about 1 and the few that are SAHP use their free hours from 3yo.

I know two people who didn't send their children to nursery. Both were cared for by grandparents while their parents work. One really struggled behaviourally (parents and grandparents are very soft, boys will be boys etc and he'd never needed to behave before) and the other struggled academically.

I think both these kids would have benefitted from preschool.

Both my children were in nursery from age 1 (needed due to work) and they both enjoyed it. I also think it's good for them to have their own 'life' away from the parents.

I would never send my child straight into school without nursery. Nursery is a soft lead in, teaching the basic skills and socialising children. If they do not have this, they may well struggle. All the other children will be able to navigate that environment, so a child not having been to nursery is effectively behind from day one. It just wouldn't cross my mind.

my ds had a nanny from 1 but went to preschool the year before school (15 hours). It was hugely beneficial for him. He’s very bright and thrived with the 1-1 attention from his nanny, but covid meant he had missed out a lot on opportunities to socialise with his peers and he really needed that. He was so shy at the beginning of the year and totally blossomed bu the end. It’s been lovely to see him make friends. You can get that stuff through playgroups etc but I think my DS really needed to experience time away from me/from home. It’s a great foundation for school imo to practice the social skills and learning to follow instructions but in a more relaxed environment from school.

Also good for us as a family to get used to the morning routine of getting him up and dressed and out by a set time each day.

Hi, we have more than one child, and some of them did go, some didn't dependent on circs. You will be able to find the stats on how many take up free childcare.

Don't let anyone give you any bollocks about 'socialisation', there is no evidence that a good home based early years produces worse outcomes than nursery. And obviously you can't fairly compare a bad home based early years with a nursery, and I assume you were planning a good experience!

This is anecdotal but there is no evidence for this.

Kids educated well at home are not behind.

If you don't need the childcare, I'd still recommend sending them to preschool when the free hours kick in.

It's good for their independence, good to learn the routines of school and good for you to have some time.

We split childcare when he was little with my mum or a friend doing the one week day we both worked. Sent him for 2 mornings to the nursery class at our local primary when his free hours kicked in at 3, then extended one of the mornings to a whole day when he was 4.

it took him a while to settle but being an only child has been great for building him a little gang of mates (lovely for us too as it’s extended our circle of parent-friends locally) and he’s just started school and it has been a really easy transition as their nursery and reception kids use the same classrooms/teachers/support staff so it’s all familiar and he has his friends with him.

I think it’s fine not too though, especially if they’re having plenty of contact with other people including peers.

I think the social skills point is massively child/family dependent. I have 2 kids. My DC2 is incredibly outgoing and confident. She has also benefited from growing up with a big brother and seeing/playing with all his friends. I would have no concerns about her starting school without having been in a nursery environment.

DC1 on the other hand is naturally more shy and reserved and because of covid and the fact he’s the eldest, wasn’t around other kids as much. Most of my friends had their kids later so none are his age. He really needed to experience being in a group of children without parents, learning how to negotiate those kind of interactions, learning how to make friends. He was unwilling to separate from me and it was way out of his comfort zone so it wouldn’t have worked to just bring him to stuff with me also there. It took him a good few months to really settle in at nursery.

I’m just glad that he navigated that stuff at nursery stage rather than reception. He’s about to start reception with a few really good friends going into his class. I know he’s going to thrive there whereas without this year at nursery I think he would have struggled. Only you know your child.

I am just using personal experience. I used to work in early years and the difference was clear. You could easily spot the children who had not been at any kind of nursery and lots of them struggled even with the basics of having daily routine. Obviously others may have different experiences, but I wouldn't even think about it.

I’m an ex- EY teacher & I don’t think kids need nursery until they are a bit older. If you don’t need it for childcare, save your money. However, pre-school is invaluable in my opinion. It’s glaring obvious which children don’t, although very rare these days in my experience. Most kids have been in childcare from a young age.

Pre-school is a gentle lead up to school & FUN. It’s free, you can choose all day or just morning/afternoon, it can be one day a week or all week etc, you have plenty of choice. Many pre-schools feed into local schools, giving your child the opportunity to meet friends to go up to school with. And 3-4 year olds thrive around other children & playing with friends. They need to gently get used to time away from mum or dad with other trusted adults. And it’s not just play, it’s trained adults teaching early literacy & numeracy etc. It’s learning to follow routine, rules, sitting on the carpet quietly with others & listening (it’s amazing how hard some reception kids find this), it’s eating lunch in busy environment, it’s having set snack times .. it sounds daft almost but it just makes school less of a shock to the system. I’ve had kids through the years really struggle with having to wait to eat, to not constantly having access to food, to sitting down and staying sat down to eat. They get used to it but to me, anything to help my kids navigate the transition.

DD is 3.5 and never been in nursery but she’s starting preschool at a private nursery two mornings a week this term. I’d happily keep her at home forever but I think she’ll enjoy it, I don’t want to send her to full time school never having been away from relatives and my business is growing so it fits well with me having more time to do it.

Cross posted with you @Bobbins5467

That’s a helpful and heartening comment, thank you so much.

I sent DD 3, for one day a week for socialisation from 2.8 and she has absolutely loved it and thrived, now her free hours have kicked in she’ll go three days a week and we both can’t wait. She’s at an age where she needs more than I alone can give 24/7.

Most of her friends who we know from playgroups/hobbies go to nursery, one didn’t and struggles in groups and following direction in classes which I think is probably linked to not going to nursery.

It’s absolute nonsense that kids who don’t go to nursery struggle behaviourally or academically. How do people think home schooled children cope?! 😂

there is more to education than 4 walls in a school. As long as there is plenty input from the parents, nursery/school is not necessary. Why would I send my child to nursery to learn about things when I can do that myself, by actually taking him places and experiencing things rather than sit and learn about it in a classroom?

what do you think a child prefers - being sent to nursery to take it in turns to stick their hands in a water play or for mum to take them out exploring splashing in puddles and experiencing things?

don’t get me wrong I’m aware plenty of parents have no choice but to send their kids to nursery, some simply want to and that’s absolutely fine, but to say children ‘lack’ when they aren’t sent is absolutely ridiculous. To think that education/learning/play is better between the same 4 walls with the same kids each day is ridiculous.

I have 4 kids none of them ever went to nursery.

I don't know anyone who didn't at least take up the free place offered from 3 in a school nursery. So the minimum people so is 5 half days in term time only. I don't know of any child that didn't like going to nursery but I can appreciate that SEN is different.

I sent my first child to daycare (private nursery) as I returned to work when he was 5 months. I had to stop work due to health reasons when pregnant with my second, but kept him in twice a week. This gave me a break, and after my daughter was born a couple days a week with just her (daycare is 8.30-6pm, though I didn't generally keep him in that long). When daughter was one she went two days a week my son went up to three. I wasn't working but I needed the time to myself and could afford it. They then transitioned to reception easily.
I found both kids enjoyed the social aspect, it kept them occupied and experienced new things and it's never too early to learn the rules of the playground! For me it saved my mental health - I found becoming a parent in my 40s a huge adjustment.