Further first time potty training advice ...

[prefernot]

HI all who've offered help in my other probably too numerous potty training posts!

So I'm at the end of week 1 of training dd 25 months. I was going to give up mid-week because it seemed that she wasn't taking the incentive to ask for the potty at all and if left to her own devices was having accidents.

I've since realised that despite that we can kind of manage. She hasn't actually had an accident now since Thursday and we've been out on fairly short trips here and there, the longest being today to the supermarket. She did a wee before we left and then after doing the main shop I got her to use the potty in the toilet there about 1.5 hours later and then again when we got home. I've no idea how it will work with poos!

Do you think it's ok for it to be always me who 'puts her on' the potty? I'm finding I have to do that because whenever I ask her if she needs it she always says 'no' and often does a wee immediately afterwards. It's just that I can envisage her getting a bit fed up of me taking such control of her after a few weeks ...

Hi, prefernot

Yes, I think putting her on the potty is about right with a child that age. To avoid the 'control' thing it helps to get into a routine, eg. wee in the morning when getting up, wee after b'fast, wee after mid-morning banana, before lunch, after lunch... You get the picture. The aim is for regular visits to become part of their normal day, so that they never get to the point of badly needing to go. As they get better at it, you can space the wee stops out further.

IME at that age they don't notice they need a wee until it's too late in our house 'I need a wee' generally meant 'I've just wet my pants'. Anticipating AND holding on long enough to get to the potty didn't really happen till later after 3rd birthday, maybe. I think expecting them to use the potty of their own accord would only work if you were potty training an older child from scratch. For the only-just-two-year-old it's probably a bit ambitious.

hth

I agree with frogs. My ds1 was potty-trained much later but I too got to the point where I felt like a broken record saying "Do you need a wee?" all the time. I took a step back from it and made it a part of his routine so that he soon started to go at certain times whether he thought he needed to or not. Good luck.

Much the same here. With ds2 If I asked if he needed the potty the answer was always no. (Too busy playing) Then a couple of minutes later he'd have wet pants! We used to take a trip to the potty every hour but this did gradually space out. Eventually your little one will work out the sensation of needing to go and you will have to remind her less as she will begin to take the initiative. ds2 still forgets soometimes and he is nearly 4! Good luck.

Prefrenot... you know me
I'd continue as you are doing.... she may surprise you and ask for the potty.... try to make the gap last longer. I disagree with the others they can have plenty of control at her age... not all do but she did so well...
DD when she was dry would wee at 7AM, before lunch, late afternoon and before bed that was it... so not every hour and a half...

I guess it also depends on how much they drink and what kinds of drink? I'm noticing that dd's morning milk (8oz or so I guess, don't measure it) seems to take quite a while to come out again, maybe 2 hours so very handy for a trip to the park / shops! Whereas juice or water seem to go through very quickly. I actually think, given that she's a very small eater AND drinker, that I'm currently asking / suggesting the potty too much. Usually she'll sit on it when I ask her (tell her ) to and do only a minute little wee so maybe she could have well held that in a bit longer.

I think the routine wees are probably a good idea, although pupuce I'd still rather she was asking as your dd did. I think one on waking up (though she's still in nappies overnight and they're usually pretty wet), one soon after breakfast / before going out, one after lunch before nap, one after nap and one later afternoon should do it?

I still don't have a clue about poos. I just keep hoping and so far have come out luckY!!

DD never asked but she went on her own... potty was very accessible - usually in lounge. She was just 2 and could not speak that well so I am sure it wasn't a request from her, she woudl just go and sit on it. DS the same.

I don't know if you know about "elimination communication" which is to raise your babies without nappies - which is what they do in some poorer countries anyway.

Babies raised without nappies have full bladder control VERY VERY early on, which leads me to believe that nappies actually hinders bladder control!

No, I've never heard of that pupuce, it sounds interesting.

I actually really want to be with you on this but although the potty is very visible and dd is a very talkative 2-year-old, she shows no desire to go on her own at all or to indicate that she needs to go except for occasionally with a poo. For instance this afternoon I decided I'd sort of 'experiment' and not mention the potty after her nap. Incidentally, she's been dry after her naps which are 2 hours each, so long as I get her to wee before she goes down. Today I knew she'd want a wee when she got up but after about 30 mins of pottering around she walked into the lounge just 3 steps away from her potty, looked me right in the eye and did a huge wee on the floor, then said 'oh dear, done wee wee, mummy change trousers?'

So I think she might not be as 'bright' as your little dd was in terms of recognising signals, pupuce!

I'm only putting her in nappies now for naps and bedtime and if she stays dry for naps I'll cut that nappy out.

pupuce, what you say about bladder control is interesting because I think even in this week of potty training dd I can see an increase of how long she can go between wees.

What did you say to her then? (when she weed on floor)

I would have said (on an even tone but slightly disappointed voice).... Ox x, come on, look the potty was right there. Mummy's going to have to clean now... and give a "not impressed" look.
She needed to understand the consequences of her actions. I would not get mad or even remotely angry.

I said more or less what you suggest, something like: 'oh, xxx, that's silly, you know to wee on the potty now, never mind, mummy will have to clean you up and get some clean knickers' etc. etc.

I haven't got cross with her yet, though once or twice I've had to bite my tongue!

I honestly think she doesn't know it's coming until it's half out. The look on her face is of total surprise.

How is it going?

But hey, thanks very much for asking!

Not sure what to tell you.
She has bladder control obviously but she seems "reluctant" to go of her own accord.
Is she dressed or walking around half naked ?

pupuce, I don't know if she does have bladder control? How can I work that out? I kind of thought she doesn't because she seems to wee without realising she's going to.

For the first day we were naked waist down, next couple of days just knickers. Since then knickers and trousers most of the time.

Well I presume that when you sit her down on potty she does it... so she can hold it until she is sitting on potty. Her weakness is that she isn't realising "I now need to go" on her own.

yes but I think I probably sit her on the potty before she gets to that 'bursting' stage if you know what I mean. So she just sort of 'lets it out' rather than holds it in until she's sitting on the potty.

Yes but if she had no bladder control she'd wee more often....

dont ask

just take her

oh and bribe with sweets

Oh I see, that's bladder control! I thought it meant that when they get an urge to go then they can feel it before it comes and get to the potty in time. I don't think she can do that.

codswallop, she doesn't like sweets. And that's what I am doing, just taking her, gave up asking days ago, but I'm not sure that's what I'm supposed to be doing.