Newborn help

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Help.
I had a baby 4 days ago, already struggling so badly.
Decided to breastfeed but baby just fusses, cries, latches then pushes off. Think my milk is coming in but I'm so desperately tired of it all already. Other half is helpful then stresses so bad when baby cries and increases my anxiety so much. Other half just keeps saying something is wrong but baby just seems to cluster feed for hours on end but then I feel like I'm failing. Doesn't help baby won't sleep unless being held, won't go in cot or bouncer etc, so frustrating and I just don't know how to do all this

I was you 12 weeks ago. It really is overwhelming at first. You just kinda get handed this human and expected to get on with it - when inside you are thinking I've literally no idea what to do.

I cant advise on the breast feeding as I bottle fed from birth but the not sleeping without being held is completely normal. It took a while for my baby to accept being put down.

It gets easier. Give yourself a break with getting to grips with it all - you only gave birth less than a week ago so you also need time to recover.

Can anyone help while you take an hour or two away to shower/catch some sleep/ take some deep breaths alone? It really does help at this early stage - even just an hour.

If you are worried have a chat with your GP but it sounds like newborn stuff to me (I'm not an expert by any means) baby has just been dragged into this big scary world and the only thing they knew before this was the comfort of your tummy and sound of your heartbeat.

Baby will feed a lot while your milk is coming in, and again when having a growth spurt. But if it’s really upsetting you both it won’t be a fail if you decide to bottle feed. It shouldn’t be distressing for either of you.
How about offering a bottle last thing at night before bed ? It’s what I used to do.
Its ok to leave baby to cry while you get a quick shower or eat food.
can somebody take baby out for an hour in the pram while you nap/tidy up ?

Cluster feeding is totally usual
if your baby is only 4 days old then your milk has probably only just come in
try a rugby ball hold - can help with latch
get a sling - they are wonderful and you’ll be close but hands free
hold the baby - you can’t spoil them and they need the touch
at four days they won’t be bothered about a bouncy chair

your job now is to establish feeding and that’s it
please ask your MW to check the latch and please be kind to yourself - you’re not failing or getting things wrong
your partner must help on other ways - prepping meals, nappy changes and when your baby is clean, fed and being held by someone else, have a shower and a sit down

Everything you’ve said about baby sounds very normal. It is completely overwhelming and exhausting. You are doing so so well.

baby will be trying to bring your milk in and establish your supply, so can be very common to feed for along periods. Is little one having wet and dirty nappies? The website ‘Kelly mom’ is a fantastic source of breastfeeding information that is reliable and evidence based, they have some great articles on what to expect. I would also recommend finding some breastfeeding support groups near you and seeing if you can feed with a breastfeeding supporter to help ensure latch etc is good and to give you piece of mind, it really helped me with both my children.

neither of my babies wanted to be put down to sleep at first. It is so exhausting. You and your partner really need to take shifts where you can with holding baby while the other sleeps. That’s tough for you as you’re breastfeeding so will obviously be up every time little one wants milk, but dad can hold in between and you can get some sleep. These early days can feel brutal, but they pass and get better, they really do.

My newborn is 5 weeks old. She was/is the same. She wouldn't be put down, cluster feeding etc. It has got somewhat better. At a couple of days old, she kept me up pretty much all night. Now we often get 3-4 hours straight sleep followed by a few 2-3hr stints. I gave up with her separate cot for now and have her in my bed. Have a look into safe cosleeping, which can arguably be safe and easier as a breastfeeding mother. In the night i often make sure she's had a good drink, then just let myself fall asleep feeding her, making sure to lie so we both roll onto our backs. If she's really hungry and I've fallen asleep she can always cry to wake me, but she never has. I've also noticed that sometimes she sleeps with her eyes open and can kick a lot at the same time making grunting noises. I did think she was upset and stay up trying to soothe her. I've since realized she's actually REM sleeping and just try to ignore it and sleep myself.

She also fusses and pulls off. You could see if you could weigh her before and after a feed to check she's getting something & check her weight gain. The cause of mine's fussing is my too fast 'let down' which basically means the milk initially comes out too squirt or fast. I found pressing down on the outside of my breast for a bit helps to steady the flow & helps her to latch. Do you have a midwife? You could also ask about pumping a little milk out before a feed to ease flow or using nipple shields, if you have too fast letdown. Both of those have other considerations so best to check with a professional.

To be honest, my 5 week old is still cluster feeding/ eating all of the time. I've just started putting her in the baby carrier once she stops feeding the first time. She falls asleep and I make sure to take her out 90 mins later so she can wake up in time for her next feed & make the most of my freedom during that time.

Good luck! I'm hoping it gets easier for us all!

I found this guide useful for deciding whether to bed-share. www.unicef.org.uk/babyfriendly/wp-content/uploads/sites/2/2016/07/Co-sleeping-and-SIDS-A-Guide-for-Health-Professionals.pdf

Everything your baby is doing is normal. They can be fussy those first few days to get your milk in.
Watch for nappies - are they doing regular wet and dirty nappies as that will indicate if they're getting enough.
Newborns want to be held all the time. They only know your womb so want to be close to you always.

This is all so normal and it really isn't published or talked about enough before baby is here and suddenly it feels like you're feeling now!

If you can, set up camp on the sofa and feed as much as she wants to, and once she is asleep, hand over to your OH and go upstairs and get some sleep. Let OH hold while she sleeps, and take it in turns. It won't be for long and it's not easy but it's so good for bonding for Dad too! Even if he takes her out in the pram, it just let's you have a break. It is so hard.

Both of mine were the exactly the same. My first I just was in the sofa or in bed for the first 2 weeks, feeding, snoozing when I could, watching box sets and eating crap, I ended up enjoying it once I got my head around it! With my 2nd, I didn't have the time or patience for that, so he was in the wrap sling basically for the first 4 months of his wee life! He was extremely content and I could look after my daughter and do a bit of house work and stuff!

If you're not enjoying breastfeeding then there is no need to force yourself to do it, there's no harm in stopping and no failure at all, that's why formula is made. but if you are determined, do stuck at it and it's so worth it in the long run, and it does become enjoyable eventually.

Hang on in there, you're not alone! X

Hi lovely, you’re in the thick of it right now but it does get better. I had my third baby seven months ago and felt the same a few days after birth. Even though I had been through it all before.
He kept me up all night at least two nights in a row constantly wanting to breast feed. I had no sleep. It’s so hard. I feel for you.

You are not failing. You are trying as hard as you can.

Try to take little breaks, make sure you eat, shower get your partner/ a family member to hold the baby for a little while.

I breastfed my middle child but with my seven month old I ended up choosing to bottle feed. I didn’t feel as though my milk was coming in quickly enough and was worried he wasn’t getting enough.

It may be worth speaking to your MW about checking baby’s latch and if they are having enough wet or dirty nappies.

There is no shame in formula feeding. My new baby boy is happy and healthy. The hospital provided advice and guidance on formula feeding him too.

Could baby’s fussiness be wind ? When my babies were newborns I stuck to this routine of feed, burp, change nappy, burp feed again if they want it, burp and put them down if they’re asleep. X

Op if it’s any remote consolation to you… my 4th baby is also 4 days old, and I’ve just had a big cry to my DH about my sore nipples and my engorged boobs and my tiredness and boredom and loneliness!

Even this many children in, it’s all so overwhelming for the first while! Hang in there, I can tell you for a fact, it does get better (even if I did need reminding myself!)