Child is so rude

[homarrre]

My eldest Daughter is 5.
She has always been very stubborn and strong willed.

She can be very rude to me and her Dad, she will shout and she has no manners. She also does not listen. It's started to get quite embarrassing. If I say no to something then she does it anyway. She doesn't care.

She has recently started acting like this towards her Grandparents as well. MIL looked after her today and she was rude again, not listening to her and shouting etc.

I realise that I have obviously caused this issue. I am looking for any ideas about how I can sort out her behaviour. We don't really have any repercussion. Our normal stance is "go upstairs" because we are so tired. We both work full time and 2 year old still wakes us up every single night. We are exhausted and therefore have been really quite shit at dealing with her behaviour.

Any advice, any ideas for repercussions?

Also the children both argue/wind each other up all day, every day so I am just pulling my hair out some days and feel like I don't have the energy to parent properly. Help.

Can you ignore her when she is shouting or being rude? Tell her “I can’t hear you when you shout/are rude, so if you want something, you need to say it quietly/politely”.

And I’d suggest a blend of reward and consequences - a star chart for good behaviour, with stars given for politeness, not shouting, and taken away for rudeness/shouting.

My niece did that for a while between four and about 6. My dsis responded with rewards or lack of rewards, eg, an extra half hour on her tablet, a pink bath bombe on a Saturday, new hair ribbons, a trip to the patisserie on Sunday etc.

Rudeness meant this things were taken away or did not happen. But always very calm and immediate, very clear and easy to associate reward with good behaviour.

She took a while to get the idea but worked it out. They have a nice relaxed relationship now.

You need to give them clear expectations and pull them up on it every time. Shouting at you, I would say it’s rude to shout and I will listen when you talk politely. Refusing to following instructions depends on what it is but something fairly instant. If she has been allowed to behave poorly and you haven’t taught her how she should behave it’s going to be difficult time for her.

My go to for poor behaviour is two fold, one always model the behaviour you want to see. So, no shouting and speak politely and kindly to each other. Two - praise good behaviour hugely when it happens and (if you can) ignore the bad.
Some behaviour cannot be ignored, so you do need sanctions, fighting with the siblings for example. Sanctions need to be immediate and appropriate. Not open ended and not in the future. I.e. stop fighting or we go home immediately, and then follow through. Personally I am not above a bribe, so, something like, if we walk to the shops and you listen carefully and do what I ask, we can have some sweets.
All behaviour at this age is communication. Plus a bit of testing for boundaries.

Following. My 6 year old is so rude, it’s his worst behaviour by a mile. Give me a tantrumming 3 year old any day.