Not sure whether to have a second child

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My LG will be turning 1 next month and ever since she was born I've been debating whether to have another. I'm an older mum (39) due to fertility issues and so time is not really on my side in terms of waiting a few more years. If we're going to have another we need to start the fertility treatment soon. I'm not even sure why I'm posting this as I know the decision is so individual to each person / couple but I would be keen to hear if anyone has been in the same situation.

If time wasn't a problem then I would definitely wait a few years before trying but I just don't have that luxury. My LG doesn't sleep great but in general is a treat to look after, is happy and content etc. But the sleeping, or lack of, means me and my boyfriend are very very very tired so really that's what's putting me off.

However, if I think about when I'm older and would I regret not trying for another then the answer is yes.

I'm really torn.

I think you've answered it in your last paragraph. If you feel you would regret not having one, then go for it. It could be a tough few years in terms of sleep but they do all sleep eventually. I have 2 but with a bigger age gap. It is hard work at times but it is also great. I knew I would regret not trying for dc2. It helps I have a supportive dh as it is very full on right now. Good luck with whatever you decide

I think if it really is just the sleep thing holding you back then I would go for it and suck up the tiredness. Are you sure there isn't another reason? How does your partner feel?

Slightly different but I fell pregnant unplanned with DS on the weekend of DD’s birthday. I found DD’s first year very hard and while we wanted another we’d planned a 3 year gap and I was very nervous about proceeding. However, it had taken us 12 months to conceive DD and I’d been very worried about how long it would take to conceive a second. At the end of the day we had the same logic - if it was this pregnancy or risking no pregnancy which would we rather - and we were both clear that having a second was the most important thing and we’d never forgive ourselves if we ended the pregnancy and then in 2 years couldn’t have another.

DS is now nearly 4 months and I’m not going to lie it has been hard! But I’m so pleased we had him and from talking to people, having two close together is tough in the first year but after that has so many benefits. Basically for all the hard work of two under two I wouldn’t trade being a family of 3 forever for it; I know lots of people are 1 and done but for us he feels like he’s really completed our family. Also, as someone said to me when I was newly pregnant with him - you won’t BELIEVE the leaps and bounds your eldest makes in the 9 months of pregnancy. So much changes between 12 and 21 months - DD wasn’t talking at all when I got pregnant, by the time he arrived she was happily bringing nappies/wipes to me if I asked, was able to feed herself mostly, etc. It’s not like someone will hand a baby to you when your eldest is at this stage - they develop so so much in the time it’ll take to get the ball rolling with treatment, and then the pregnancy itself.

Good luck with whatever you decide :)

I was pregnant with my second by the time number one was nine months old. We'd been trying for four months. It's absolutely fine. I am so glad they have each other to play with, and the small age gaps means they both enjoy the same toys/days out etc. I say go for it!

You sound like deep down you would like another one. I would go for it.

There is a 2.5 year gap between my 2 and it has been HARD but I just wouldn't change it for the world.

The lack of sleep is horrendous and I genuinely thought I was going to drop dead every day for the first year but I somehow survived.

It is awful and amazing all at the same time! You might always think "what if..". In your situation, I would go for it personally.

Thanks all for your responses. It does help to hear other experiences - I think it the midst of this sleep deprivation that's why I'm struggling to decide - but I definitely will regret not doing it just because I'm so tired now.

@Catch21 the tiredness really is the only reason - I am exhausted. My partner wants another but would prefer to wait a bit longer, I just don't think we can due to my age

Having two close together is hard work but I'm seeing the light now (3 and 1) and watching them play & laugh together is amazing. If I were you I'd go for it and see what happens.