Help? Mixture of ranting and asking for advice

[relentlesslife]

Right this Is mainly a rant but if anyone has any advice I'd be grateful

First of all I work 44 hours a week. I work shifts. Have no choice. Husband has to do the nights, I do the mornings. Full time childcare is 1200 a month round here. Neither of us even earn that. Loads of jobs round here but we aren't higher educated so tough wages and if we didn't work shifts have to find 1200 a month for childcare plus the cost of living is going up so be fucked really. We scraped together enough funds to send her one day a week so she isn't practically feral. With tax free childcare it's just about manageable.

I have a toddler. She's 2. I'm done with this parenting. Everyone said it would get easier. When I was pregnant in covid times it was oh once restrictions are eased it will be easier. When she was a newborn j got told when she starts sleeping thru it will be easier. When she was a baby it was when she can communicate it will be easier. Now she's 2 I want to know when the easy bit kicks in.

She has a tantrum about every 8 seconds. Over anything
Brushing teeth
Looked at funny
Not letting her drink the bleach from the shopping
Throws herself on the floor and goes floppy. Screeching like I'm murdering her. It makes me angry. I have to walk away. Her behaviour makes me angry. I know its normal but when I've had about 5 hours sleep and then she's throwing herself and screaming because I had the cheek to ask her to put her shoes on I can't handle her.

She doesn't sleep. Gone are the days of sleeping. Now she lays in bed and screams. I have to be up for work at 2 am so you know watching the clock tick knowing I have work soon isn't comforting or reassuring.
I've tried cutting naps, shortening naps, changing nap times. Doesn't make a difference.

She doesn't eat. I actually don't know at this point what she's living on cos she hardly eats a thing. Of course at nursery she eats everything.

Im done. I'm tired. I have tried so much

Oh and she bites now. So that's new..I'm covered in little pin prick bites. It might be for attention. She gets plenty of attention. I get home from work and she has my undivided attention. I play with her. I read stories to her. I do everything.

I don't hate her. I do love her regardless of this post. I'm at the edge now. Work is killing me. I can't cut my hours cos of the cost of living. Neither can he.

I don't know what to do

I don't feel suicidal but if I could disappear even for a week I think I'd take it

Re not walking - I used to take my pushchair refuser out in one of those trikes with a handle, or we'd get the bus. Kids love buses, might be enough of a bribe to get her walking?

@UniversalTruth she will watch TV. We don't have a TV license so she is currently watching ice age while I try to make a dent in the washing pile.

I've spoke to my husband. There's no alternative. Both grandparents work. So childcare is limited. Any jobs with more reasonable hours requires childcare and nursery would wipe out one person's wage. Add to the rising cost of living and our mortgage term coming to an end it's not doable. He chose nights and I took mornings. Maybe when she's 3 we can change jobs when free childcare kicks in but 10 months feels as far away as 10 years right now

@autienotnaughty I don't know what it is. She loves getting ready. She loves getting her shoes on and she loves getting her coat on and her little backpack for nursery. But the moment the key touches the door and we get outside she throws herself down and sobs. Her shoes definitely fit. She only went up a size last month.
I can't even get her to walk 6 steps. Once she sees nursery or something she likes she is absolutely happy to run to nursery. Or to her grandparents. But to go on a walk is impossible

@UniversalTruth hmm good idea. She is massively into buses currently

I have no advice, I just wanted to say I know how you feel, I’ve been there (although your circumstances sound even tougher than mine). But that feeling of ‘I can’t do this’. Looking back it did pass and improve and it’s a distant memory now but I still remember how miserable and hopeless I felt at the time. I hope you can fine some way of accessing support. 💐

I would be trying to distract the hell out of her when leaving the house to break the cycle - play games, count buses, guess how many steps to the next tree/lamppost etc. Talk excitedly about the game as you leave so she is distracted from having a tantrum.

Sympathies though, in my experience parenting is about finding the energy to invest when you have none.

New tantrum. Asked got strawberries. Gave her strawberries. Now she's screaming. I give up. I don't understand

I'm gonna try the distraction method. I have tried before but she gets herself so worked up.

I think the two year review is often done a bit later now but I’d defo speak to your HV. They do have free resources and just talking it out might help. I hope things get better for you all soon

Anyone fancy making me the world's most shittest parent badge? After her seventh meltdown of the day I took her temperature and it was high. Gave her some calpol, no luck. Rang 111. Got home about 20 minutes ago. She's got tonsillitis and an ear infection. She's been stroppy for last 2 days cos she's sick. I mean god I feel awful.

Poor you and poor ill DD. You aren’t the first parent to miss that their child was ill and assume they were being naughty. My DM apologised to me aged about 4.5 as she had smacked me for behaving like a hooligan in a restaurant…got home and found I had chickenpox. And I’m sure I’ve not realised my DC were grouchy because they were coming down with something before. Hope she’s better soon.

OP, would you be better off cutting your hours and claiming benefits?

I’d highly recommend ringing your local HomeStart centre

www.home-start.org.uk/find-your-nearest-home-start

They are there to very much help in this and similar situation and have access to other organisations who can help.