How to help DS7

[bingobluey1]

Hi
Hoping to get some thoughts or advice please

I recently left a verbally and emotionally abusive relationship with exP.

I am worried that my DS may be suffering with some anxiety, around the change in family dynamic and also his dads behaviour in general.
He has seen his dad get angry and call me names, he has seen him being aggressive and shouting/swearing, he's also had to bare the brunt of his dads mood swings on occasions and I fear he experiences the same 'walking on eggshells' feeling that I do around his dad. He's seen me crying after one of his dads outbursts on more than one occasion

The important thing is that we got out, I know that, but I just feel heartbroken that my sweet boy was exposed to any of this, I wish I'd left sooner, I wish I'd picked a better man to be his daddy.

I now want to do whatever I can to make life easier for my DS.
My main concerns are

• occasional 'accidents' both at night and day, where he says he didn't make the loo on time, also when he's upset (not allowed sweets, doesn't want to go to bed, etc) he often wets himself.
• v sensitive when playing with friends, easily upset
• lots of shooting/fighting/police chase make believe
• v argumentative and all hell breaks loose if he doesn't get his own way, resulting in stomping up to his room, shouting GO AWAY, leave me alone, crying
• when he has a meltdown, afterwards he comes to tell me he is sorry, then often cries more whilst cuddling/apologising and sometimes says his heart is beating really fast.

Can anyone tell me - how much of the above is 'normal' typical 7 year old behaviour, and how much is not?
What can I do to help him now?
How can I teach him that his dads behaviour was / is completely unacceptable without badmouthing his dad to him?

Please no negative comments. I'm coming to terms with what's happened and I really just want to make sure I'm being the best mum I can be.

Thanks.

So so glad to hear you are out of this abusive relationship! This is ultimately going to help your son as no child should have to deal with that. So you've absolutely done the right thing for both you and him as a starting point.

Have you spoken to a doctor/specialist about this? They may be able to point you in the right direction with either a therapist or social worker. Also speak to his school and see if they have any resources.

Not the same thing but my DD's uncle passed away at a young age - she was about a similar to age to your DS now and her school had a club for children struggling with bereavement, divorce, parents arguing etc. (You will of course have to approach the school and let them know what's been going on) The children in this club would be taken out of lessons once a week (as a whole group) and would paint pictures about how they're feeling etc. It really helped her process things and having other children in similar situations I think made her feel better. Your DS needs a lot more professional help than this though by the sounds of things.

Have you tried to talk to him about how he's feeling?

I'm glad you got out. That's the best thing that you could have done for your Ds and yourself.

I'm not sure if the behaviours you mentioned should be concerning. I guess it depends on how often they happen, how intense they are and was he always like this or has his behaviour changed after you escaped your ex.

Thanks both.

I haven't spoken to anyone but think I may call GP to see if there's any resources they can signpost me to.

I have and do try to speak to him about things that have happened, reassure him, let him know he can say anything to me etc. he's not much of a talker. I will of course keep trying without pressuring him too much