3 month old never seems happy

[LLMS2022]

We have a gorgeous 3 month old baby, been in hospital a couple of times due to issues related with feeding + silent reflux + possible cows milk allergy. She has been on neocate and carobel for over a month now and she's recently started on lansoprazole, and her feeding has been a lot better since. Despite this, she has never been very settled, ever. She doesn't like to be cuddled or held, she cries or screams after a couple of mins, and will only put up with being on her play mat/ bouncer/ swing chair etc for a couple of mins. Sometimes she cries and cries even carrying her around endlessly. She doesn't like the sling. She barely naps during the day. I am absolutely exhausted and at the end of my tether, I'm being treated for PND so maybe I'm finding this particuarly difficult but I don't know how to make her happy! Has anyone had any similair experiences. Despite the title in betweenher crying she is incredibly smiley and she really enjoys being held in a standing position, but is not a long term solution!

I really feel for you. This was also my experience when DS was a newborn, almost identical really. He too hated being put down but also didn’t like being held. We used to joke he’d be happiest being carried around facing outwards, at arms length. He hated the sling. Really fussy breastfeeder. Took an obscene amount of effort to get him to nap, which lasted for 20 mins tops. Permanently alert and demanding of stimulation. Cried and fussed near continuously. Was never, ever still and also wanted to be held, standing up. It was so, so hard and my mental health was on the floor.

Im not sure if this is what you want to hear…but it was his temperament. He was a ‘high needs baby’. There was nothing medical to fix - we just had to ride it out. I’m not going to lie, his entire first year was really tough. But he grew out of it in toddlerhood, settled down a lot with walking and talking and has been a dream since. I hope you have the same experience.

Have you tried a cranial osteopath? DD was a different child after a couple of sessions - maybe worth a try?

Thank you for your reply @AliceW89 I had a feeling this may just be her temperament, but at the same time its making me feel like a complete failure and like I'm missing or not giving her something, but in reality I do my best to keep her happy 24/7 and I'm knackered! I have a feeling she wants to do more than she can at the moment so I'm hoping she'll be happier when she can crawl/ walk. When i said she likes being held in a standing position I mean she likes being held with her feet touching the floor upright 😂 @DappledOliveGroves I've taken her a couple of times because I had ECV and then she was a ventouse delivery due to a fast first labour (3hrs from me being 3cm to her being delivered and she went into distress) so i thought she might benefit, but if anything it seemed to make her worse!

My baby was really grumpy between 3 and 6 months! I was pretty miserable with her. Just in the past month (she’s now 7 months) she’s been a lot more content. Still has whiny moments when tired etc, but soooo much happier in general! I don’t dread taking her places anymore!

I’m sure it’ll pass for you also xx

Wow, that sounds exhausting

hopefully it’ll get better when she can roll around herself

I really feel for you! My 8 week old son is like this (I think he would be considered a high needs baby) and what has helped us is doing everything we can to make sure he gets enough daytime sleep. Basically, adhering religiously to wake windows (he's at about 1h15 mins right now). We feed/change him 15 mins before the end of his wake window, then put him in the baby carrier (he doesn't like it when I put him in but once I get him asleep he'll stay asleep for ages) while blasting white noise from my phone against his back, while shushing and doing squats/deep bounces on an exercise ball in a dark cool bedroom. I do this exactly 1h15 mins after he last woke up. Every time. All day. It is exhausting (though less exhausting than when his wake window was 45 mins!) but as long as I can manufacture a couple of 1h+ naps (all on me -- he'll wake if I put him down) and keep him on schedule, he's a much happier baby overall. We do some pram naps too, with white noise the whole way.

We also did Osteopathy 3 times (helped) and he had a tongue tie divided yesterday which also seems to be helping.

High needs babies are apparently often very intelligent and alert, so they really notice when there's something they don't like (such as, in my son's case, tiredness).

Good luck!

You literally just described my dd at that age. At 3 months I cracked and bought a copy of The Contented Little Baby book in desperation and it saved my sanity.

Getting dd into a really solid routine and getting her to sleep well during the day was key.

She was still a sensitive baby but I felt more in control and dd was definitely happier as well.

My 5mo has a similar temperament but has got better as he has got older. He still requires a lot of interaction though, and is only happy doing any one activity for around 10/15 mins before he gets bored and fussy.

You say she barely naps. I would try and work out how best to get your LO napping during the day, whether it's rocking, feeding, in the pram, carrier, etc. I identified overtiredness as a contributing factor to my LO's grumpiness fairly early on, and since then have tried to get him to nap after around 2/3 hours of awake time, which works out at around 3 naps a day.

And about the cuddling... It worried me that my baby wasn't a cuddler, but when I asked my NCT group if any of their babies cuddled (and they all have different temperaments) they all said no! I think it's a misconception that babies cuddle.

Thanks for all the replies, I've never heard the term 'high needs baby' and after some googling, she seems to tick almost every box- Apart from sleeping at night which she is great at - at the moment she sleeps from around 22.00pm to 8am (with a few dream feeds in between, as instructed due to poor weight gain). Maybe I need to try and get a bit more of a routine going with her, but all my effort goes into her not crying all day at the moment and she's so unpredictable it's hard to get into one! With regards to napping, I find it so hard to get her to sleep when she doesn't like to be held but maybe I need to be more patient. With silent reflux on top of this I am exhausted and just worried all the time about my baby

@Endlesslaundry123 how on earth have you been managing to keep that up!? Maybe I need to get an exercise ball. We have a rocking chair which gets her to sleep in the evenings but in the day she won't tolerate being held in it, unless she's sat up on my lap, facing outwards 😂

Isn't she gorgeous!

Have you tried getting her to sleep in the carrier? That was my go to when my baby was that age! Now he'll sleep in the pram which is easier on my back, especially now he's heavier.

Do you do baby classes? I admittedly only started going fairly recently (when my baby was 4mo) but I found he really enjoyed the variety and I enjoyed getting out of the house. It defintely helps break the week up, which I find is needed with a higher needs baby.

Shes not a fan of the carrier at the moment unfortunately. She falls asleep after a while in the pram, but we live in quite a rural area so can't really use the pram, unless I drive somewhere everyday. We are starting a baby sensory group soon, but I am quite nervous taking her out in the car, sometimes she screams and screams and I'm worried about crashing! And I'm worried about her crying during baby groups, I don't know why but I'm so worried about looking like I don't know what I'm doing and I cant calm my baby. So I don't know whether you can tell, but I'm pretty anxious 😂 her first week we took her out quite a lot and did all sorts, but I guess her crying has worn my confidence down

I completely understand, my baby seemed to cry non stop for the first 12 weeks so I was very nervous when I went to my first baby class.

I was pleasantly suprised that he was one of the best behaved babies; I think he actually enjoyed being out of the house (I've noticed he's a lot grumpier when he's at home all day) and even if he had cried, you're in a really safe space anyway as you're with a bunch of other mums going through the same thing. Also did my mental health the world of good to get out and about, and I've made a few new mum friends out of it!

Thanks @Calphurnia88 , there is a regular group really close to me which I should try, she does seem better out of the house where there's lots of things to look at so maybe I'll try it 👍

My dd only napped in a dark room on her own when it was quiet, she wouldn't settle anywhere else. I found putting her back to bed a couple of hours after she woke in the morning and then again around midday was key. She'd normally need another nap around 5pm and then would sleep 7 til 7.

She needed a lot more sleep than I had realised.

She is v cute op!!

@LLMS2022 yes the exercise ball has been a godsend. I had it around from pregnancy and it's helped a lot.

It has been really hard - I also have a toddler and basically her dad watches her while I tend to the baby. We are almost like two single parents to each child. But otherwise the baby would be crying nonstop which was intolerable for us all. We have been in survival mode for 2 months now, but as his wake window stretches out it's getting less onerous and I'm hoping he'll be less fussy once he hits 12 weeks (but part of me thinks this might just be his personality...).