Removed child from nursery

[Babybrain26]

Last week when I was picking up my son (2 y 8 months), I caught one of the nursery staff shouting at him for yelling whilst outside. She clearly didnt realise i was there.

The past month he's not been sleeping well and constantly pushing his younger brother down (15 months) for no reason at all. We decided to contact the nursery ans inform them he would no longer be attending.

He's also been repeating things that most likely came from nursery staff (swearing, telling people off etc.) He's not an easy child, he has a speech delay and there are possible other issues which we're keeping an eye on. The nursery manager wants to call me tomorrow. Did I act too harshly in making this decision? He was at the nursery since the start of June, for the first month or so he seemed fine, but since the start of August has changed and has started crying when I leave him off.

I forgot to mention that since we've pulled him out this week he's been sleeping better and hasn't hit his baby brother once.

You did the right thing. Your son is too young to tell you he's unhappy so he cries. Go with your instinct and choose another, more professional setting.

Once you have seen that type of behaviour from the staff you will always be thinking of it when he is there. I think you absolutely did the right thing. It sounds like your decision is already helping your son. Hopefully you find a much better and more professional site for him going forwards.

I would also be honest with the nursery manager about your decision. She might not have seen this behaviour of the staff. It is hard to improve a nursery, or any service really, unless people are honest. So hopefully by you saying what you saw and this leading to your decision will make her act which will help other children and families there.

I'd have spoken to the manager first but I don't think you've been to hasty if his behaviours gone drastically downhill and improved since he's been away from nursery.

Mgr probably trying to damage control and will minimise what you've seen - go with your gut as he can't tell you. You are doing the right thing.

I wonder if your ds is getting sensory overload or struggling socially too - I only mention as both of mine struggled in nursery and this was a factor i wish I'd thought about earlier, they are absolutely not comfortable at nursery if their behaviour improves out of nursery..

Absolutley trust your gut and get him out of there. Manager is trying to talk you round as his attendance is money to them not to mention reputation control. Keep him out and go elsewhere

Right call.

Trust has gone, and that lays at the door of the staff member responsible.

You absolutely done the right thing. I would be livid. I understand children need told off for their behaviour but it's not acceptable to be shouting at them. I would report it to the care inspectorate too. The manager will be trying to do some damage limitation. I would ask him to send the said staff member on some additional training as clearly they need it!

My son was enrolled with a childminder and would scream and cry on drop off and wasn't much better on pick up. I tried it for longer than I should of, and eventually admitted defeat after a few months. She had fed me with how she thinks he's autistic, never struggled with a child as much as him, that he won't be able to cope in any setting and needs me at home. Put him in a (brilliant, highly rated/recommended) private nursery and within days he was a different child. He was only 18 months when this all happened and is now 3, but we see the childminder around sometimes and he'd always cry. He has since he can talk more told me that she screamed at him and left him outside a lot, I know I do need to take it with a pinch of salt given how long it's been and that he's so young but he did try and tell me something with all the crying.. my only regret is trying to get him to come around for months rather than listening to him sooner. You've done the right thing.

If there is shouting when parents could be around, God only knows what goes on when they are alone with the children. Sounds awful. You’re doing the right thing.

It's such a mess, I was due to go back into the office next week and now I'm left with no childcare, but I would never send him back. I told the manager I wasn't up to a phone call and if she needed to say anything else to email if she wanted. I've already told her by email that the staff member was shouting at him for yelling outside. She said no staff member should be shouting at any child. But as others have said my trust is gone with them now for sure. I think greywinds, what you are suggesting could be right. I'm going to give him a break from any nursery for a while until I can decide what to do....just have to speak to my manager now.

I was absolutely shocked how much my dd came on when we finally pulled her out of childcare at 4 and wish we'd done it sooner and still blundered about until the sensory processing issues penny finally dropped when she was 5.

I know it's crap work wise, but when they're in the right place, you can go to work with a sense of peace and not terror.

It's a struggle, most waiting lists are at least a year were we are. He is attending a sen class at another nursery once a week for support with his speech but they can only offer me 3 hours 1 of the days I work.

Do you have any local pre schools near you?
Some are surprising and have wrap around care so do 8am till 6pm if necessary. Only problem is that they tend to be term time only.

Hi lavender 2021, unfortunately he's too young still for pre school here (N.I) and the ones I've been looking at for application in January only offer wraparound until 3pm (at most) which still isn't operational due to covid allegedly. The only option would be applying the sen nursery as they are also a preschool, but this wouldn't be until September '23. The nursery itself has no spaces unfortunately. They are quite expensive obviously and are a bit furtherance from us too. There's little choice over here.

You absolutely did the right thing imo! We had to pull DS out of his first nursery, we lasted 6 weeks and that was more than enough. He cried and screamed hysterically at drop off and was still sobbing when I would pick him up. Staff used to openly tell me they had no time for him to be crying because they had younger babies to look after and he needed to be grown up as he was one of the oldest in the baby room. At 18months old. He never once touched a toy, they would tell me he just does this silly little whine all day but there’s nothing wrong with him. They used to make him sick by feeding him his lunch( we had seperate feeding issues so I requested they put the food in front of him and let him do it himself if he wished, if not I would be picking him up shortly after lunch anyway).
all in all it was awful and we pulled him out. Luckily I didn’t need childcare for my job etc it was just to socialise him. We found a private nursery who used to be a childminder so it was a home setting and DS has just left after 2.5 wonderful years with her. So yes you absolutely did the right thing by going with your gut! I really hope you find another solution soon for you both xx

You have 100% done the right thing. Mum gut instinct is so so important. And even more so if a child is ND or has SEN.
Always trust your Mum radar. It will serve you well.

Absolutely done the right thing OP, well done

You absolutely did the right thing. I would take DS out in a heartbeat if I witnessed that.

Thanks for the support everyone. As a first time mum, I always question myself. I know he must've enjoyed some days in there, but with even that 1 staff member acting like that, it's too much of a risk for him to be impacted so negatively, especially so young.

It scares me though that the other staff members who witnessed it (one being the manager)also (allegedly) said nothing according to the owner. I feel put on the spot naming them but I know I have to. Hopefully we can move on soon somehow.