Firstborn behaviour since baby born

[NCforbabyname]

How long can I expect the attention seeking behaviour from my DD(5) to last?

I'm breastfeeding, baby is now a couple of weeks old and cluster feeding so I can no longer do bedtimes easily and even worse because the 4th trimester is in full swing and the baby will not sleep in his crib, Moses basket or nest. If he's put into his bouncer whilst asleep, he might sleep for 30 minutes and wake up, that's if DD doesn't wake him first during the day.

Tonight I read DD a book after she was ready for bed and DH did bedtime. Occasionally I am heading in at bedtime for a few cuddles or to try and reassure her I'm still around. We have hugs during the day but as she likes rolling all over me, I acknowledge that it's peppered with "mind the baby" and trying to stop the baby being squashed.

I'm trying to suggest us playing a board game, reading a book, activity books, painting at a table that I can do with one hand but they are mostly shot down. She wants me to move into another room to get on the floor with her which I can't do at the moment. We've watched some films together but I think she's had too much screen time some days which is making behaviour worse. DH has taken her out lots over the holidays with just the two of them and we've done a few things all together since the baby like meals out, the park, gone for an ice cream, indoor play but she's not had full attention from me and that's what she wants.

We're trying to be mindful of our tone with her as both me and DH are frustrated with her behaviour and sometimes it's frequent moaning throughout the day (for example, she's catapulted herself off of the sofa for the millionth time after being told not to and we are saying "Bum on the sofa please!!"). I'm planning on baby wearing very soon but baby is still slightly too small. However, I'm hoping this will help free up hands to do more with DD.

Any tips or even reassurances this will end very soon?

Afraid to say it will be a while yet, and will likely rear its head again once baby is mobile and touching DD’s things. Siblings Without Rivalry is a good (short) read to see it from your DD’s perspective.

Also be aware that sometimes her behaviour probably isn’t sibling related but her age. My 5yr old has wined and been very silly this holidays. Routine and school going back will help. But if she pushes a boundary do punish as you would pre baby or you’re making a rod for your back.

My DD3 is the same (we have an 8 week old baby who also contact naps only ..). I think I started being a bit too permissive with her because I felt guilty about how much her life has changed ... But I recently read a blog by Janet Lansbury that made me realise I need to remain consistently authoritative with her, despite the guilt, for her own sake. A few days later she's definitely behaving better... We'll see if it lasts...

Blog for context: www.janetlansbury.com/2014/07/dont-leave-a-testing-toddler-hanging/

Gosh, it's hard! I will have a look into the blog and book.

Had them both on my own all day today and the amount of time I spent repeating myself was ridiculous. I just don't want her flinging herself around the room, she's been tripping over her own feet this summer as it is. Is it a 5 year old thing not to listen and to be bouncing off of the walls all the time, morning until night regardless of any physical activity undertaken? DH told me someone said something to her about listening to him when they were out shopping recently. She was doing her usual thing of darting off, touching stuff and not listening and someone who worked there said she needed to listen the first time. I felt so embarrassed andq disappointed even though I wasn't there.

I'm praying at this stage that going back to school and getting back to a routine will sort a lot of it out.

I did, however, have an hour with baby in the bouncer so we had some hugs and watched a film together (as everything else went down like a lead balloon). She seemed to appreciate it but suggested a 'girls day' and wanted to go for lunch. It made me a bit sad as I said we couldn't. Baby has also had a tongue tie just released so at the moment it's especially hard to go and just breastfeed at a table, I need to keep an eye on him latching properly and him feeding without too much distraction. I did say I was sure in a few weeks/months we'll be able to go for lunch just the two of us. As soon as DH came home she was overjoyed to tell him that he can look after the baby in a few months so me and her can go for lunch. Little steps, I guess?

I remember our eldest DD who was 4 when younger one was born suddenly seeming absolutely massive once we brought the baby home. And so, so bouncy. Totally normal!

We’ve had this fairly recently with my 4 year old. He was really poorly at the same time as baby being born so wasn’t the nicest experience we had hoped for in terms of transitioning. I’d say he started to settle down after 6 weeks I reckon. He still has the odd occasionally bad day now if baby is requiring a lot of my attention and I can’t get round to playing with him exactly when he wants to.

one tip is to try and get them set up with an activity they can do next to you before you start feeding etc. you can bet your life they want something the minute you sit down to feed and it then starts the whole ‘in a minute, let me just finish this’ saga.

i hope things settle for you soon