18 month toddler awful separation anxiety

[Checkitoutnow]

We’ve just travelled from the US to the UK to visit family with our 18 month old son.. He was a bit off the first few days due to the time zone and then had a little fever. He’s physically back to normal but his separation anxiety is off the charts. He has to sit on my lap and gets very sad if I go away. We understand his world has completely changed and feel so guilty.

How do we handle this? I have to go off to do some things, and I’m scared to leave him with family. DW has to work, so it falls on me.

Any experience?

Sorry for bumping

Third time lucky?

Does he get over it quite quickly after you've gone? And when you say dad is he distraught and sobbing or just whingy

Honestly, I wouldn’t leave him just now. He needs time to feel secure again. His whole world went away. He’s worried you will too. You are the only stable secure point he has left. Give him time.

Sorry OP, I’m not sure I understand. You say your DS went with you on the trip, so what about his world has changed exactly?

Just stay with him. Lots of cuddles, eye contact. Share books and play. He’ll regain his confidence when he’s ready.

So to answer, he gets distraught and not just whinge. He won’t sit in a chair to eat but has to sit on my lap.

by his entire world changing, I mean his surroundings, house, normal child care, etc has completely changed

When I go, he can cry for easily 15 minutes

The fact he does settle, even after 15 mins, is good. I'm likening it to my DD starting nursery at 12M. You basically have to let them cry and be upset and be comforted by others and they will get over it. Or at least, I found no other way to settle her at nursery and it's the same for everyone I knew. As horrible a mum as I felt.

I am quite 'soft' as a parent, but what I have learnt is that if you're leaving them with someone they do know eg. Your DW, you aren't leaving them alone and inconsolable, they are with somebody they know and love and they will start to rely on that person a bit more too if given the chance to do so.

My DD is just turned 2 now and still clings to me at times. But DH loves her and is good with her and if I do all the bedtimes and meal times etc it's 1) bad for me as I need to work and do various jobs and 2) doesn't help her ability to be soothed and comforted by DH. She still prefers me but she's so much more comfortable with me walking off and leaving her with him now even if it's bedtime and she really doesn't want him to put her to bed.

Make sure you say bye and explain you'll be back soon. But then power on and go and don't drag out the goodbye as it will probably exemplify the upset. And lots of cuddles and whatever he likes when you're back.

Thanks for the advice. What’s so unsettling for me is how quickly it’s come in. He’s gone from being (in my biased opinion) extremely happy and outgoing to an extremely nervous toddler in a few days. It’s like a different child

What the hell are you saying? Even if it’s not true that’s an abominable thing to say

Welcome to toddlers

Could be going through some serious development, teething, generally out of sorts, a bit unwell still. He might flip back suddenly too.