Where is it better to raise kids? SWE London or Surrey/Hertfordshire?

[Ethny]

Dear ladies,

How to choose where to raise kids? I'm currently in Richmond borough and I am planning to apply for a mortgage. So I can take a small house here or something bigger in Surrey/Hertfordshire. The goal is nice 100-150 sq.m. 3 bedroom house.

But would moving outside of London make me attached to the car? All drop-off & pick-ups, goings out will require a car. It would be safer for a kid but kid would be independent much later. Also socializing is much harder in smaller towns I think?

However staying in London means I would always be anxious about kid's safety. How to let teenage girls out here in the evening? It would mean I can not afford 3 bedroom house and probably need to consider 2 bedroom (maybe for now it could be enough but I want to have a second kid in coming years).

Is there a dream place in 1h - 1.5h radius around London where you enjoy living or would want to move? We are fully remote but would like to commute to London 1-2 times a week.

Moving out of London doesn't necessarily mean you have to be attached to the car. We live in a town in Hertfordshire and I am walking distance from town centre, train station, local baby groups/play spaces and the countryside, and only a 30 minute train ride to London (I love living here). That said I don't think a teenager here is any safer than in London, and proximity means they'll probably spend plenty of time in London anyway.

@Allthecoloursoftherainbow I visited only St.Albans in Hertfordshire. Verulamium park & Abbey are treasures but I didn't find much to do in the rest of the town. Maybe I missed something? Could you recommend other towns there?

What types of things are you looking for?
I have friends in St Albans and I think you would only be allocated the nearest school (unless you go private) so prob no need to drive drop off and pick up ...and then school friends would also be within walking distance.
There is a small cinema and lots of sports clubs, and of course train to London.

London is the second safest capital city in Europe. It's a safe city.

It doesn't matter where you live, you'll always worry about them when they're out - sorry!

But - Richmond is hardly unsafe edgy London - it's a heck of a lot nicer than parts of Surrey and Herts. I'd stay. In the zones, free bus travel, nice area, easy to get into town. (Teens in Surrey and Herts often go into London btw - at least in Richmond they're not buggered if they miss the last train home...)

@miserablecat I feel locked and anxious when I'm locked in my house and several blocks of high street. All my life I lived in cities over 300.000 (however that's my first year in the UK). I love then a town has multiple "centers", not everything on the same square. We love to take a cup of coffee and walk (not ride), to playgrounds, to watch boats on the river/sea, visit museums, botanic gardens, exhibitions, parks & gardens. But I don't really need an access to wild nature so much.

@titchy oh no, I don't think Richmond is dangerous part of London. But from here kid would have access to anywhere. Should I just accept it? The main point is that here we can stay in borough but not in the central part. Twickenham if we are lucky, but most probable closer to Kingston (Teddington, Hampton Wick) or in Kingston. Which is still nice...

@Bitterbean I lived in several European capitals and no, London is definitely not among the safest unfortunately. However people here are ones of the nicest

DH was utterly miserable as a teenager in Surrey. He was isolated from his friends as they were all a car ride away. I OTOH was quite happy and independently mobile with public transport in a regional capital.

The dangers to a teenager are exactly the same everywhere; indeed, arguably less when they are independently mobile and have public transport so they're never stranded. And as PP have said, London is a safe city. What specifically are you worried about? Teen years is when London really comes into its own IMO - a much better experience than being stranded in the suburbs.

Yes of course. Your kid will have access to one of the best cities in the world. Contrary to what you think London is safe, unless your a black teenage boy involved in gangs, in which case move as far away as you can. Your kid will learn to be sensible, how to assess risk and be used to what London has to offer. Living within travelling distance, but not within, means London is more of a novelty and a bigger risk as a result.

As an aside I worry equally if my kids are clubbing Kingston or London... in fact Kingston is a bigger risk - London I know they're all coming home on the same nughtbus, Kingston they can (and have ) walked several miles home by themselves pissed as farts....

@Ethny for some London is very dangerous, but for the majority it's a very safe city. If you are a black boy it can be very dangerous.

OP, it doesn't sound like you want to leave. I definitely agree with what others have said, London is a safe city, and living in the suburbs means your kids will still likely go for nights out there. Living in the city at least means they have access to one of the best public transport system. Richmond borough is one of the nicest parts of town (I'm also based there ;)) and super family-friendly. I would choose a smaller house here over a bigger one elsewhere any day. Especially if you don't feel that bothered about access to countryside (though Richmond has brilliant parks and the river).