Worried that partner might not want second child

[Nicolelinda96]

To start, I'm only 3m pp so obviously don't want another for at least a year. We both new we wanted kids so that wasn't an issue at all, although we never specified how many because we thought we might have one and find that our family would feel complete. I have always wanted two, but thought perhaps I'll feel differently when this baby is here. But I don't. I would love to give her a sibling. Also, this pregnancy and birth (elective c section) were both ruled by horrid anxiety and ifelt totally disassociated until the end. I would've loved a natural delivery but at the time was far too scared of losing my daughter during delivery. Thing is that I can't really have this discussion yet due to being so recently pp. I was telling my partner that I had a dream I was pregnant again the other night and something about a ship (random I know!) And he was like "oh no! That's me sailing away, no more babies!"

So yeah it could well be the currently feeling overwhelmed and it all being brand new of course, and no doubt the cost of living is also a big concern. I'm not sure how to approach this and when.

I really wouldn’t worry OP - I’m sure if I’d bought up the concept of having a new baby when I was 3 months pp my husband would have made a very similar comment.

When our son was about 18 months old that’s when I started to raise the idea of a second and my DH was adamant he didn’t want another…….and I would keep bringing it up in a jokey manner and he still wouldn’t change his stance.

When my son was two years old that was when I got serious about the idea of a second baby and talked seriously with my husband about it and although he was still reluctant he did eventually give in after a few months of me keep returning to the conversation.

I really, really wouldn’t give this issue any head space whilst you’re still so fresh into parenthood.

Mine has said a definite no after one, I’m still trying to process what that will mean for us

totally normal! To be honest I didn’t want a second myself when I was 3 months pp after my first.
Time will pass, things will get easier, your partner’s love for your child will grow and hopefully he’ll want a second one!

My experience was exactly the same as @DreamToNightmare I definitely think loads of people would recoil at the idea of a second when your first is only 3 months. Time changes things.

@DreamToNightmare Interesting to read this.

My son is 2.5 and whilst DP and I agreed we both wanted kids from the start, he put it off for a while until he eventually agreed. He has been reluctant to have another, all the same worries (money, the way the world is going, will he be able to give as much to our son if we have another)

I approached the subject when DS was 2 and it was a definite no, tried a few months later and it got heated, he said when we are settled in a bigger house outside of the city he would be happier. That hasn’t changed yet.

About to approach the subject again soon now DS is 2.5. Nervous!

It’s so difficult when they have their own legitimate reasons. It may have been a bit easier for me because my husband actually didn’t have any reason, or not one he could articulate anyway, and just kept saying he was happy with one.

One of the main driving forces for me was that I didn’t want an only child (for my son’s sake) and DH never really took on board how much this meant to me.

The turning factor was that I had had a really shitty shift at work one day and I was upset when I came home and amongst all my tears the issue came out again about how sad I felt at the prospect of never having another baby. I think because I was so upset about it he finally began to see how much it truly meant to me and that his reasons (or lack of) for not wanting another baby weren’t as strong as my wish for one.

It then took us 11 months to conceive….the longest 11 months of my life, and he will now admit that having a second child was the best thing we ever did.

I don’t blame you for feeling nervous after your partner’s reaction last time, it sounds like it’s quite a tense topic. I wish you lots of luck and I hope you get the result you want.

Time changes a lot of things, and 3mo PP is still very early.

When I was pregnant I said I couldn't do this again because of morning sickness. I can barely remember it now.

After I gave birth I said I couldn't do this again because it was traumatic. I can barely remember it now.

During the newborn phase I said I couldn't do this again because my baby cried all the time. He's much better and I can barely remember it now.

You get the idea.

We both wanted two.

At 3 months pp we were both adamant that there would never ever ever ever be another one! (Very stressful birth and newborn period).

We have two…!

Now is not the time to try to make decisions or even to bring it up.

It's only been three months. The biggest mistake you could make is to start talking about another baby now or even for months. It is far, far too soon. Just relax and enjoy your baby. You don't even need to think about another one right now.

Right now you only know what parenthood is like with a newborn. As they grow and become mobile and then feisty toddlers your experience will be entirely different. You very well might find yourself changing your mind about another. Try to enjoy this baby and don't spoil it by jumping ahead of yourself.

Try to enjoy this baby and don't spoil it by jumping ahead of yourself.

100%.