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Parenting

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Original poster

Am i in the wrong??

22 replies

TheMuppetMuggle · 22/01/2008 11:00

My DD is nearly 3 - we have toys downstairs aswell but most in her bedroom, i feel bad about her sitting upstairs on her own playing, but when i have things to do and need 5 mins peace doesn't seem such a bad thing. Its almost like i don't have the patience to sit and play.
any advice would be great!

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Desiderata · 22/01/2008 11:03

It's far from being a bad thing. It's a GOOD thing.

My 3 yo ds often plays on his own. In fact, he's in his room right now building a train track and singing the Dr Who theme tune, stark naked.

It is difficult to play with small children. I tend to think up something to do with him everyday. I usually use a book as my cue, and take it from there. If it helps, and you like lists, keep a sort of TO DO list, and tick something off it everyday.

claricebeansmum · 22/01/2008 11:06

I second what Desi said. I was not particularly good with playing with small children as I found in mind numbingly boring....however...I did make sure I played with them once a day and I was always open to reading to them.

My DC liked playing upstairs on their own...then I couldn't see the carnage they were creating!

JakesMum05 · 22/01/2008 11:08

I'm exactly the same. Often feel guilty, but when my DS shouts 'come here please mummy' or 'play with me please' i have to go to him.

I do feel guilty, but less guilty than if he turns the tv on of his own accord and i leave him to it just so i can do some washing !!

We'll never be perfect all the time. We're only human. As long as it's not for hours on end i'm sure it's fine.

At least as they older then can tell you if they are bored or want you with them.

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Hassled · 22/01/2008 11:09

I agree - the odd bout of playing on their own is fine - it teaches them to enjoy their own company and a bit of self-reliance.
I'm rubbish at the role-playing stuff, but great at building train tracks, marble runs, duplo houses etc - so always did that sort of stuff with my DCs rather than the "Let's pretend we're Daleks/princesses/whatever" games. And a few minutes setting a game/activity up can lead to the DC entertaining his/herself for hours.

OrmIrian · 22/01/2008 11:09

You're a mother...of course you're in the wrong....

However no you aren't in this case. As long as you are available to her when she wants you it will do her nothing but good to learn to play independently. My youngest child was with me 2 days a week whilst i was working at home - he learned to be play alone, he had to! And when he needed me for anything, food, help with something, a cuddle or a quick story, I was there.

Original poster

TheMuppetMuggle · 22/01/2008 11:10

ok that makes me feel better, we colour, draw, paint (sometimes),read a book before bed everynite.
Shes upstairs playing with her leappad at the moment.
I just feel guilty as i haven't got the patience to sit and play with her all day.
It doesn't take me more than hr to hoover, get washing out on line and new load in the machine etc. but i haven't got patience to sit for rest of the day and play.

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JakesMum05 · 22/01/2008 11:10

At least as they GET older then THEY can tell you..... (Sorry)

Also tick list is very good idea.

thefunkypea · 22/01/2008 11:11

i'm actively trying to encourage my 14mo to play independently - i do set aside time to sit and pass toys to her (that's what she seems to like right now!), but at other times i will leave her rummaging through the toy box while I try to do something useful in the kitchen. My bf has a 4yo and a 1yo and she thinks that because she played w her 4yo all the time, he won't leave her alone and has to play w her, whereas she's also trying to teach the 1yo that she can amuse herself.

Desiderata · 22/01/2008 11:12

That's the trade-off, clarice .

If it's unsupervised play, you have to accept the inevitable carnage.

Half an hour ago, ds got a ball of wool and wound it around the entire flat like a giant cat's cradle. I only realized when I tripped over a strand of it in the hall-way.

I was impressed with his ingenuity, tbh!

OrmIrian · 22/01/2008 11:13

And fwiw I don't really remember my mum ever playing with me - we did cooking together sometimes, sewing..ie I helped her. But apart from reading to me and with me, we didn't 'play' together as such.

JakesMum05 · 22/01/2008 11:13

MuppetMuggle, i think the only way we could actually play with them all the time would be if we were trained to , like nursery nurses !!

OrmIrian · 22/01/2008 11:14

'the inevitable carnage' ah yes.....

If DH and I want even half an hour lie in on Sunday mornings we have to accept that when we do emerge we won't be able to find the carpet or the dining room table...

LoveMyGirls · 22/01/2008 11:15

Don't beat yourself up over this, as long as she is happy and you aren't making her stay in there for ages on her own then i don't see the harm. Just make sure you make an effort to have quality time's during the day.

eg for my dd2 (shes 2.4yrs) today I havent been working (as in paid but I have sent a couple of emails, took a phone call, written a letter, sorted the mess of paperwork on the computer desk into some kind of organised mess and pottered about tidying up) so out of my morning I would say the quality bits have been.............
when she was dressing up I spent about 5 mins taking a few pictures and saying how gorgeous she looked etc we've been a few trips to the toilet, we've read a book and cuddled and she drew a picture which I helped with to start with then praised her at the end. She has been downstairs with me all the time but she is younger than your dd. We keep toys upstairs too and she plays with them while i tidy upstairs sometimes or we bring them down and rotate them we've also got more in the attic we rotate too.

I think it's healthy for children to learn to play on their own sometimes, they use their imagination more and aren't so clingy, they don't have to be played with constantly sometimes just to give them a couple of ideas and watch from a few metres gives them confidence in their own abilities and I think it makes for more secure children. As long as you are there if they need you/ want you I think iut's fine now and again.

edam · 22/01/2008 11:16

desi, my ds used to do that with loo roll - wound round the bannisters and across the end of the stairs.

Original poster

TheMuppetMuggle · 22/01/2008 11:17

Desi - i don't want to imagine what my DD would of done with that ball of wool LOL.
I mean we will do some painting in about an hour. I'm just going to do some hoovering etc. so glad shes upstairs she won't be getting under my feet then

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OverMyDeadBody · 22/01/2008 11:18

Thisd is good, you're encouraging independance! All my DS's toys are upstairs in his room, but he can bring whatever he wans to play with downstairs, sometimes he does this, other times he plays quite happily in his room. I don't think they need us to play with them all the time, and you're doing yourself and your DD a favour by not getting her used to being entertained my mummy all the time, seriously! You'll be glad in the future!

My DS is off school sick today, if he couldn't play independantly I'd get no work done, and I work from home and can't just stop because he's not in school or wants to play. He's used to me working at the computer and just gets on with playing alone, we still interact and talk, and I make time each day to do things with him, but he doesn't need my constant attention, and that's a good thing!

Gotta get back to work now! But just wanted to let you know you're not in the wrong!

Original poster

TheMuppetMuggle · 22/01/2008 11:22

Thanks ladies.

She's off preschool today as her asthma was playing her up last nite, so normally she goes to school in the morning and comes home after lunch either has a nap or we play for abit then she has a nap.
But where shes home today, i'm slowly doing my housework but having to keep DD entertained to!!

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geminikate · 22/01/2008 11:24

I love having a child that can amuse themselves within short periods of time.
& I put it down that I have given her the confidence to be away from me but equaly knowing I am around if she needs me.

them short spaces of time are golden where I can have a cup of tea or even just put a load of washing on without having a little person tangling up your feet.

but I always make sure we have a playtime together too some time during the day.. which normaly means me ending up crawling around on all fours pretending I am a donkey ...LOL

Original poster

TheMuppetMuggle · 22/01/2008 11:29

geminikate i know the feeling about crawling around on the floor - not that i could do it today i've got bad back ache!!!

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Desiderata · 22/01/2008 11:44

God, YES Edam When ds was younger we used to get through twelve-packs of toilet roll in a flash.

He's now progressed to balls of double-knit, and I'm very proud!

purpleduck · 22/01/2008 11:52

I disagree with playing with kids all the time. (ok, there is 2 of them, so they are not on their own at the mo) but my kids think up much more interesting things when I am not there.

Also, it is a good thing for them to entertain themselves - they have a whole inner world that needs developing. Good practice for car journeys too

Original poster

TheMuppetMuggle · 22/01/2008 13:11

We've just done some painting, she soon got bored of that!! we've got cbeebies on in conservatory but shes in the living room pestering me albeit reading a book.

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